If you're turning 40 this year.....

[GlumWithRum]

How do you feel about it?

Me? Not so good, but I'm trying really hard to be positive. I keep telling myself it's a privilege etc, but it seems to he on my mind a lot and not in a positive way.

I know everyone says this, but I don't feel this age at all. I feel in my 20's. My only dc will also be turning 18 this year and that's another milestone I just don't feel ready for. I've been a sahm for almost the entire time and I haven't got a clue what I want to do with my life. I assumed I'd have more dc, but it looks like that won't be happening and is probably for the best now, given dc age (and mine I guess), but I'm still broody as hell. I don't want an empty house.

I'm a bit obsessed about the ageing process too and get really down about my thinner hair, baggy eyes, saggy jowls etc. Constantly on the look out for the latest gadget or serum to slow this down, but I know it's a battle I ultimately won't win.

Life just seems to have really sped up this past decade. Why does it feel like that, the older we get? A year now feels like a couple of months - gone in a flash. I think I just feel a bit out of control. I wonder if it feels slower for people who live in the now. I'm very much a dweller of the past, fearful for the future type.

I need to change my mind set, I know, but I don't really know how. Is it possible?

DP has actually organised a lovely get away to celebrate, but I can't seem to find a way of looking forward to it. I feel ungrateful on so many levels.

Anyway, if you can relate or even better, if you're turning 40 this year (or have done recently) but actually feel fab, please share your thoughts. I would love to find a way to embrace this and actually look forward to it.

TIA

I was like this until I met someone who said this is the start of the era where you do not care about other people’s opinion. And this is true. Attending the funeral of a friend who died of a brain tumour at 40 also put things into perspective.

I’m a few years older. 40 is a great decade if you can lean into it. All that life experience gives well earned confidence.

One thing I would say (I’ll probably get shot down for this but anyway) if you are worried about aging, the best things you can do is focus on diet, alcohol intake, strength exercises and sleep. Jowls are fat under the skin - losing a bit of excess weight will often sort it out especially as you are only just 40. I switched to a whole food diet, reduced my drinking to an occasional glass of red (toughing out the social pressure to drink more), lights off by 10pm, lots of water and strength based exercise plus tons of walking. Iost a couple of stone in the process and I look 15 years younger than my age now - but I was definitely on a slide before I decided to take control of it. If you don’t need to work you can definitely use the time to invest in your health and it will show on your face!

I'm turning 50
This year, I still
Feel I'm my 20's my youngest child is 6 . It's a great privilege to age. I'm a nurse and unfortunately seen my share of people who sadly don't get to 40 or even 30 for that matter . I've made a list of 50 things I want to do this year

I turn 40 this year. My life is absolutely not what I thought it would be at this age, I do not have my shit together BUT I’m happy. I am retraining for a new career, do not own my own house, don't have a pension. But I have a lovely DH, a beautiful and funny DS. I find happiness in the small things. I was very fit before I had DS and I want to reclaim that now. In my early thirties it was probably more to do with vanity, but now it’s because I want to be here for my DS and show him the importance of an active life. 40 really is just another number. Sometimes I look back at young me and remember how insecure I was, how much I cared about what other people thought. I don’t miss those days at all.

Oooh this has cheered me up, thank you @Nanamuffin . I'm turning 40 in the first part of this year and have been feeling quite negative about it.

DC are 3 and 5 and all hobbies and self-care have pretty much gone out of the window since I had them, so it would be great to make this the year of doing some lovely things for me 😊

I'm in my early 50s and my advice is ' Jesus fucking Christ you are young! Embrace it! I'd give my eye teeth to be where you are now!'

By the time you get to my age you are going to feel pretty bloody stupid wasting your youth on thinking you are old.

You sound like you just need to find a bit of direction as to what to do next. So do that.

I will turn 40 at the end of the year. My children will be 2 and 5 this year so it's still all about them.
I feel lost at the moment so really want to try and find myself before turning 40. My appearance, weight etc. Not the happiest I could be in my marriage so wondering if I still feel like this in 6 months I should do something about it.
Don't have that many friends so I'd really like to make more before I turn 40.

I think a lot of it depends on the age of children. I’m not fearing 40: we’re in a financially stable position and our children are in the primary years which feel easier. I want to focus a bit more on me and health now as my 30s have been all about small children, less money due to nursery fees etc. I feel a bit like we’re emerging from the fog.

I'm 42 now, I still feel like I'm in my late 20s. It takes a bit longer to shift flab but I love exercise like I never did when younger.

Just remember people are bad at telling age, I'm sure you're beautiful and look 30 x

I turn 40 this year. Every now and then it freaks me out that I could be half way through my life, and that my kids are getting older etc. I look after my skin and though I could do with losing weight, I feel pretty good with how I look. I still hang around with friends from school, and so we all turn 40 this year, and of our group two of our friends have passed away in the last 5 years, so I remind myself that growing old is a blessing - not that 40 is old.

However you feel about it make sure you celebrate it in some way. We were busy the year I turned 40 with work and moving and the kids. We only managed a quick holiday and I couldn’t be bothered with a party but I had booked some lovely trips for the following year and had a vague intention to make a fuss with a party on my 50th.

Then Covid hit, everything was cancelled and last Christmas I lost my dm. I can still book some lovely holidays but dc are doing exams right now and we don’t have as much freedom so we’re working around their schedule (which I don’t begrudge at all but does make things tricky). I also won’t have a party at all now as it wouldn’t be the same without dm.

I’m not trying to lecture you but if I could go back I would have had the party and not waited till the following year for my holidays. Life isn’t guaranteed and things can change in an instant. Try and celebrate and have as much fun as you can. You’ll never be as young as you are now again.

I just turned 40 a couple of weeks ago. I honestly feel fine about it, I don’t feel 40 and still get asked for ID much to ds13’s amusement so I guess I don’t look it either. To me it is just a number, it doesn’t define me.

I’m feeling mixed.
I need to overhaul my health and lifestyle in the next 6 months and am fairly determined to do so. I’m definitely going to start weight training.
The reason I’ve become so complacent though is the decision a couple of years ago to train for a new career so I’ve been working full time and studying full time too. I need to really prioritise rather than just let everything coast.
Feel great about the family situation, in a happy marriage with one dream of a late teen and one just about to begin secondary school so both fairly independent. Parents and in-laws are all thankfully fairly well so that helps too as I see friends in their 40’s and 50’s juggling younger kids or teens with a lot of problems /work/elderly parents and the dreaded menopause.
I don’t feel remotely great about that stage and can see a few peri symptoms already springing up.

Thanks @Crushed23 I really wish it could take up less headspace and unfortunately I think I'll be dwelling on the path I don't travel whether I go left or right for a while. I've realised it's the choice between two lives I almost resent having to make. If I knew I'd have two lives I'd definitely choose one as a mother and one not, and be very happy to live both options! But I also see part of this decade as accepting the choices we've made - in your teens and 20s life is full of possibilities, overwhelmingly so. As we get older, we make choices, and that closes certain doors as well as opening others. I'd like to think I'm gradually accepting and being happy with the choices I've made the older I get.

I'm really glad I started this thread. Thank you for all your replies so far. They've been really interesting and even inspiring to read, which was what I was hoping for tbh.

As a pp mentioned, I'm pretty sure I would be less panicky if I had more direction. I don't really have much self confidence and it really does hold me back. I honestly don't know where to start.

40 in March, 40s are the best decade, earning well, mortgage well advanced and bills under control, through the hard years with the kids.... but still young enough to do everything you want.

Best decade, the next 10yrs are guna rock ✌️

I'm turning 40 next week. I feel fine about it. It doesn't bother me. Grateful to be here with my husband and son. Hoping I get 40 more at least.

I turned 40 a decade ago. One kid had just started primary school, the other was in nursery.

Since then I've changed careers, got a fabulous pair of teens, acquired more pets and life is good.

I'm planning on turning 50 with a series of walking, climbing and cycling challenges and a big party.

40 came with the balls to take control of my life.

Enjoy it!

I'm turning 40 mext month and unbothered. Going on a lovely holiday. My best friends will make a bit of a fuss when we meet for birthday celebrations, as we do for each other. If you have that, what's not to like?

But then I've never understood people waking up on their birthday and wailing about being a year older.

No, you're about 8 hours older from when you were last conscious.

I’m 40 near the end of the year and i was dreading it! Had a difficult few years with my husband nearly ending in divorce and we spent past couple trying to fix it. I’ll have been with him 20 years in the summer so half my life!

both my parents are dead, don’t speak to my sister & my husband has no family around us so it’s pretty lonely as i’ve also no close friends and not many accquaintances wither so no party for me (i can remember my mums 40th) but i am
planning a mini break with my husband and kids just a nice hotel. My kids will be 10 and 14.

to make 40 “better” i decided in September enough was enough when it came to our old house which i hated. In it 18 years so lots of good memories but it never felt like home & i’ve wanted to move for past decade and never been able to for various reasons - this year on a whim my husband agreed to look again at a development i liked and we ended up part exchanging and getting a good deal on a house i love and has the layout i’ve always wanted so i’m feeling happier and more positive this year and we need to get a lot of new furniture and things so that will fill the bleak months looking and planning.

i think i look old and wrinkly and the greys are coming but people tell me i look younger - i think they are at it but maybe i don’t look so bad. Used to love weight lifting and was really in shape as lost the way in lockdown when the gyms closed & never got back into it so thats the plan this year (created a mini gym in my garage) start small with some body pump online & work up. I am getting a hair cut & after not wearing make up for a decade i want to start to wear a little and make more of an effort for myself. Also need a bit of a wardrobe overhaul - i’m about half a stone over what i like to be so want that off for the summer as well. Just applied for past ports for us all as my kids have never been abroad as thats the plan for our summer holiday. Basically just want to be positive and plan for “fun” & not dread the new decade.

been a sahm for 12 years so need to retrain or get back into work in some way even if its just a few nights in tesco (they might not want me lol) sorry waffling but basically i’m fairly positive although not looking forward to being 40. My life isn’t exactly where i’d like it to be but it’s not bad either.

i think we should keep this thread active all year and share our highs and lows of the new decade!

happy new year!

I turn 40 in a few months. My kids will be 2 and 4 by then and my career has gone to shit since they were born.

I'm overweight and really need to force myself to turn it around weight/health wise. I'm not particularly bothered about turning 40 but I didn't expect my life to be so constantly revolving around work and kids. I've applied for a couple of jobs with much less travelling around the country but I didn't get them :(

I have booked a short UK break for my 40th though as it's so rare we get away.

Nearly 44 is worse let me tell you

I'll be 40 in a few months time.
I feel great about it. Well, I feel totally neutral about it, which I think is great!
I'm happily married, career/finances/housing situation where I want them to be, I don't have good friends as such but I'm a bit of a loner and never have (I have mates though). I have great relationships with my parents. Importantly for my happiness, I've maintained my fitness and diet/lifestyle, so I'm exactly the same weight and size I was 10 years ago and the fittest I've ever been. I wouldn't like to hit 40 thinking I'd gone massively downhill health and fitness wise (without the cause being due to unavoidable illness or disability).
DH and I are going on a little uk holiday for my 40th, then immediately after that going on a holiday of a lifetime (not for my 40th) which we've wanted to do for ever.
I think this year is the year I rebuild my relationship with my sibling (trip already booked).
I'm achieving results with treating my anxiety (again). I'm grateful I can draw on the tools I've learnt through therapy.
The only thing I want to achieve is to go on a solo walking holiday, but I don't have the annual leave for it this year, so that will have to be something for when I'm 41!
The only thing I hate about being this age is my parents looking and seeming more frail.

I will be 40 in october and really happy about it.
I just started university last year and found the best job, what i really enjoy.
I have 5 children, 3 cats and a dog and i really love my life. I feel this year will be my best year in my life! I planning to have a big big party on my birthday. I getting divorced, but i am very happy that i can provide everything for my children, without any help from their father. I look better, than in my twenties and more content and calm. Also a lot wiser. I really enjoy to be older and hope i will have another min 40 years to enjoy this life what i created for our family.