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Original poster

Dating advice

65 replies

newyear102938 · 01/01/2024 20:20

Name change for this post. Without going into too much detail, I went on a second date on Saturday night. It was great fun, and we messaged a bit yesterday wishing each other a happy NY.

However today I’ve heard nothing from him. I am really worried he’s not interested or going to ghost me despite us taking about a third date etc.

How long do you think it’s okay to not message in between dates? I know I am probably just overthinking this but I really like this guy and I am stressing out!

OP posts:
Original poster
newyear102938 · 01/01/2024 20:41

Anyone? 😞

OP posts:
BCBird · 01/01/2024 20:44

People are different with messages. I like loads, previous partners didn't. There is no right or wrong time frame. Put yiur phone away and concentrate on something else OP

PeekABoo22 · 01/01/2024 20:46

Agree with PP. It won't do any good to sit waiting for a text. Do something nice to distract yourself. If you message too much you'll have nothing to talk about on your dates.

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Original poster
newyear102938 · 01/01/2024 20:50

Thank you. I have messaged him this evening asking how he’s feeling but he hasn’t replied yet.

OP posts:
Jaffacake921 · 01/01/2024 21:00

Try not to stress OP, he might be going back to work tomorrow after the bank holiday and be busy getting ready for the week.
I would say if you’ve already texted after the date you don’t need to worry.

Original poster
newyear102938 · 01/01/2024 21:01

Is it bad that I essentially double messaged him today?

OP posts:
Bubblegum22 · 01/01/2024 21:07

It’s not bad, but the usual advice is not to double message. It’s only been a second date, no one owes anybody a message every hour. Saying that, if he doesn’t respond in the next day or so you’ll have to decide if that level of communication works for you or doesn’t.

if It doesn’t - go on a date with someone else. (Which you should be doing anyway).

And worrying about him ghosting or disappearing won’t change it if that’s what he wants to do so try focus on something else and take it all a day at a time.

Jaffacake921 · 01/01/2024 21:08

I wouldn’t say so, especially if he has spoken about a third date and wanting to see you again… But I would leave it up to him to message you back now. He’s probably just getting organised for the week ahead.

Original poster
newyear102938 · 01/01/2024 21:18

Thanks, will just try put him to the back of mind 🥺

OP posts:
Original poster
newyear102938 · 01/01/2024 21:33

I just think if he wanted to see me he would have messaged today. I need to stop tormenting myself but I am so afraid of rejection. I’ve been on good first and second dates before and they’ve appeared keen but then pulled away. Then I convince myself that it’s me. This guy feels different but I’m convincing myself he’s going to change his mind.

OP posts:
PeekABoo22 · 01/01/2024 21:42

I know it's hard but you need to chill. You've had 2 dates, and a mention of a 3rd. It's all going fine. How would you feel if you heard he was dating other people? He's well within his rights to do so! What's for you won't pass you! ❤️

Jaffacake921 · 01/01/2024 21:43

Like PP have said he might not be much of a texter and possibly doesn’t realise that he’s gone quiet.
I remember feeling this way before I met my DH, it is so hard waiting to see what happens when you’ve clicked with someone but you’ll only drive yourself up the wall with worry wondering what he’s thinking and if he’s going to reply.
If he’s a good’un he will get back to you tonight or tomorrow morning. Maybe watch a movie or have a nice bath and try not to worry about his next move.

Original poster
newyear102938 · 01/01/2024 22:01

Thank you for these replies. They are really kind and re-assuring 🌺

He has replied to me basically saying he’s been very hungover and still feels rough. I’ll reply tomorrow as I am currently in bed!

Just hope he arranges another date soon.

OP posts:
Jaffacake921 · 01/01/2024 22:05

Good plan @newyear102938, if it’s meant to be it will be… Good luck 💖

Original poster
newyear102938 · 01/01/2024 23:11

thanks @Jaffacake921 !

OP posts:
Original poster
newyear102938 · 02/01/2024 09:44

Do you think it would be okay if I suggested a third date say in a few days time if nothing has been arranged? I don’t want to be the one making effort all of the time but also I don’t want to just text. Argh I wish I was better at not getting myself emotionally invested!!

OP posts:
Ladyj84 · 02/01/2024 09:51

Not meant nastily but maybe the others backed off because your to full in to soon. Chill out,relax not everyone messages a lot. Take your time

Fannysmygranny · 02/01/2024 10:22

The ball is in his court, he has said he will contact you today. If he still hasn't in a few days you need to be prepared to keep looking elsewhere. As others have said he maybe dating other people as well

Original poster
newyear102938 · 02/01/2024 11:07

He messaged me back last night and I replied earlier this morning. I am just not getting my hopes up about him arranging a third date and I don’t know whether I should bring it up or not. He suggested the second date but I had to ask him when he was free.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 02/01/2024 11:10

As @Ladyj84 you seem quite full on too soon. This will put off a lot of men or you’ll get ones only interested in trying to use you for sex.

Willywanker1 · 02/01/2024 11:15

'I am really worried he’s not interested or going to ghost me.'

You have to change your mind set to stay sane with online dating op

Forget about if he likes you - do you like him? That should be your priority.

If he ghosts you - if he does then good riddance!

Not replying, not setting up dates and being too casual are not attractive qualities in a potential partner. Don't settle for dregs. Find another man, go on another date. If this first guy likes you he'll let you know. In the meantime spread yourself a bit thinner and
Don't be desperate

Fannysmygranny · 02/01/2024 11:50

So you've 'spoken' today and neither of you mentioned meeting again? Maybe NEXT time he initiates contact just throw in a casual let me know when you are next free and leave it like that. I wouldn't bother contacting him otherwise, just get on with life and meeting other people who may give you the right level of communication for you. You do need to keep a cool head in the dating world

Original poster
newyear102938 · 02/01/2024 12:04

@Fannysmygranny well he hasn’t replied to me yet!

Honestly I don’t know why I care so much!

OP posts:
PeekABoo22 · 02/01/2024 12:16

U replied this morning, left him hanging all night. U can't exactly be annoyed that he didn't reply to you immediately now!

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 02/01/2024 12:58

Fannysmygranny · 02/01/2024 11:50

So you've 'spoken' today and neither of you mentioned meeting again? Maybe NEXT time he initiates contact just throw in a casual let me know when you are next free and leave it like that. I wouldn't bother contacting him otherwise, just get on with life and meeting other people who may give you the right level of communication for you. You do need to keep a cool head in the dating world

This is great advice! As soon as I didn’t care so much and had more than one man on the go dating wise (which is fine, apparently New Yorkers (Americans do this) then I met someone nice. Men can smell desperation off a woman a mile away.