Dating advice

[newyear102938]

Name change for this post. Without going into too much detail, I went on a second date on Saturday night. It was great fun, and we messaged a bit yesterday wishing each other a happy NY.

However today I’ve heard nothing from him. I am really worried he’s not interested or going to ghost me despite us taking about a third date etc.

How long do you think it’s okay to not message in between dates? I know I am probably just overthinking this but I really like this guy and I am stressing out!

Because you have an anxious attachment style and/or low self esteem or confidence. Really normal! You're not unusual but you can work on it and feel loads better

As an, ermmmmm, highly experienced dater, I think he’s gonna pull away im afraid. Classic pattern here 😔

Well he has replied but hasn’t asked me any questions or suggested meeting up. So I don’t know whether to reply, whether to leave it, or whether to reply and suggest another date because he was very keen on our second date.

Not replying would be ghosting him which is the exact behaviour you don't want happening to you

I think I'd just have to know.

'Are you up for a third date? I'm free x and y evenings. Let me know which you can do and where you'd like to meet.'

Yep @Willywanker1, I agree. I have messaged him back already as I am on my lunch break and I don’t want to play any games. I’ve suggested a third date so will see what he says.

Good luck. His response to that will tell you what you need to know. If it isn't enthusiastic, onwards and upwards 😊

thanks @Willywanker1. Weirdly feel nervous!

Argh still no reply yet 🫣

Still work hours. Lock your phone in a drawer until 7pm. Do something and distract yourself

He said it sounded good then asked when I wanted to go on the date… not an amazing response but still a response?

What more can you ask of a man? tell him when you were thinking of (maybe a couple of options) like pp suggested. Then just chill, once you have set a date you need to be patient and expect it to happen. I wouldn't expect contact unless either of you need to change arrangements but may be wise to text on the day and confirming time and place agreed. 'see you at 'x' at time looking forward to seeing you again' and leave it that

So an update and also asking for advice…

We had a third date over the weekend. It was good, I felt he was keen. We went home our separate ways and he asked me to message him when I got home, which I did.

He sent a short reply back to which I replied to. Then yesterday I heard absolutely nothing from him. No follow up or anything. I decided to message in the evening asking how he was. He replied but asked zero questions.

I haven’t replied and to be honest I don’t think I will. He puts in barely any effort except to show up for the dates. I don’t want to text him all day every day, I really don’t, but I can’t be bothered anymore with driving it all.

I am just going to leave it. If he chases then fine. If he doesn’t then so be it, it’s over. Is this the right approach? Some of my friends are telling me some men are bad at making plans and organising dates but I think he is demonstrating that he doesn’t really care.

So on your 2nd date he mentioned a 3rd date, but a few days later hadn't mentioned it so you brought it up and he said yes when would suit you? And then who organised the date?
You went on the date and had a good time?

If I were you I would get back on the app and have some other conversations (actually just realised you didn't say this was OLD but if you're single and want to meet someone why not) and stop putting pressure on things so early - it sounds as though you are really invested in someone you just met which isn't helpful for coming across at your best, nor is it helpful for your own head.

Don't be afraid to have multiple conversations happening at a time and dates set up with a few different people.

'Some of my friends are telling me some men are bad at making plans and organising dates.'

This is sometimes true but do you want one of them in your life? I wouldn't.

And it's often not true. I think if a guy is keen he's getting those dates in.

@Chesterdrawers12 that is so true! I am just accepting breadcrumbs… and I don’t know why because it doesn’t make me happy

I've dated a fair bit. Even men who are 'bad at arranging things' put effort in at the beginning.

He either isn't that keen, or could really like you but not be 100% in the headspace for serious dating.

When OLD keep your options open in the early stages. Keep swiping/chatting until a few dates in. It keeps the pressure off!

I wouldn't reply to a text that doesn't have a question personally. That's minimum effort to keep the conversation going. Wait for him to reach out to you and if he doesn't, his loss!

@Wobbawobball great advice!

just find dating so draining. I invest way too early and take rejection personally.

So I messaged him and he replied after work to which I replied to and I am still on unread…

I’ve deleted his number and conversation because this clearly isn’t going anywhere.

But I just can’t stop thinking about our last date and all of the nice things he was saying to me (and he didn’t want sex because he went home early as wasn’t feeling great).

How do I get myself out of this stupid bloody mindset!!

Anyone else used to feel like I currently do - hopeless at finding love, find dating incredibly draining etc - and went on to have a happy and successful relationship?

Anyone? I feel so blumming depressed this morning. Still nothing from him.

I’ve still heard nothing. We talked about going out on Thursday. Should I message him again tomorrow if I’ve still not heard?

Sorry you're so down op.

Don't message him. No response is a response. Don't try and get someone who isn't interested. If you pursue this guy you'll get your heart broken. Don't waste your precious time. On to the next one.

Maybe have a few weeks off online dating then go back in and have another go.

Just leave it for the sake of your own pride..men are practical, not overly romantic. If they are keen they will make it very obvious because they think with their dicks most of the time...it still leaves you with a dilemma, in the early days at least, but if his dick has already said no, you're on dodgy ground imho

Yes I’ve deleted his number so I can’t make contact. Just so disheartening and disappointing when one minute they’re keen, and the next they’re not.