Dating advice

[newyear102938]

Name change for this post. Without going into too much detail, I went on a second date on Saturday night. It was great fun, and we messaged a bit yesterday wishing each other a happy NY.

However today I’ve heard nothing from him. I am really worried he’s not interested or going to ghost me despite us taking about a third date etc.

How long do you think it’s okay to not message in between dates? I know I am probably just overthinking this but I really like this guy and I am stressing out!

Op. A poster up thread nailed it. Forget about whether he likes you. Is this debacle making you happy?
Because all I'm reading is you've had two weeks of 99% of the time being unhappy because you're waiting for his text. Then 1% of the time happy cos he texts you. Why would you want this constant and fairly permanent stress in your life?

When a man wants you, you will never need to wonder, ask advice to friends or strangers online, read the signs or even think about it. You will just know from his actions and feel o your insides.

I agree. However he acted like he wanted to be with me in person - lots of kissing, affection, holding hands etc. But that didn’t seem to translate…

You need to forget about this guy OP.

Have you started chatting to anyone else?

@Wobbawobball no I haven’t. I really dont think I am in the right headspace to date. I rely on these men to give me self validation which isn’t healthy at all.

It's good that you recognise that op! You just need to be a bit more hard nosed about it.

OP, l’m sorry that after all your efforts this looks as if it’s a non starter. My tuppence worth for what it’s worth in the future.

• Don’t be backwards in coming forward, you have nothing to lose.
• But don’t expect instant replies, because some people don’t want to be seen as too keen. But a hangover is a poor self inflicted excuse.
• If things are not to be, it’s better to know sooner rather than later.

Thanks @StarlightLady!

I just think next time I need to let the man do the chasing. Make the effort.

Hi OP i just came to say do not lose hope. A year ago i was where you was. Exactly the same situation happened a few times. I went online to take a break and in April the right man was just there. I went in all cautious but honestly i have never had to sit unread, or beg for a date, it all happens so easily and after almost 9 months we are in love. Let him chase, 100% because when they want you, they will
Take your time, don't take these things personally. An old saying is you have to kiss a lot of frogs...and its true. Good luck

I've not read every post here, but a lot. You had 2 dates inc Sat before NY. You had a good time. You messaged him NYE (when he was likely out) and he messaged back. He didn't want a conversation. On NY day you messaged and seemed put off that he didn't reply instantly. My immediate thoughts were he was nursing a hangover or with mates. He was. He then did get back to you in the evening when he was was probably relaxed and up for a chat. You were in bed. He doesn't know this. Tuesday am you message then again....he's probably at work. Eventually you suggestva 3rd date and he asks yes, when were you thinking....but that's not enough.
You sound too needy for me. I had a work colleague who used to analyse her texts and ask shite like 'Is a pink heart worth more than a red one' or say 'Only one kiss'.
Do you have self esteem problems. Here's a guy who's been on 2 great dates OVER XMAS! and there's a 3rd in store. That's not crumbs, that's a decent sandwich. Don't be one of these women who say 'I wanna be treated like a princess'

This particular reply really baffled me. What do you mean "He puts in barely any effort except to turn up for dates"? Surely that's what you want isn't it, a real life boyfriend who turns up for dates? What dates have you arranged? What 'effort' have you put in other than text.
I think you DO want to text him all day everyday...well maybe not all day but everyday. Do you have a PD? I know 2 women like this and both have EUPD. You have different needs and exoectations. Textings not his language. It has nothing to do with effort. You've had 3 good F2F dates and he checked to make sure you were home safely etc.
You're not compatible. If he was the sort to post on MN he might be asking 'l had 3 good dates, then she ghosted me. Why?'
Why block him? Just let it die out or let him know the 'relationship' has run its course.

Well… for anyone who cares, I finally got a “dumping” text tonight after 3 days of being ignored. Knew it was coming, but still, never nice and his behaviour last week was completely different and he seemed really keen 😞

Oh well… time to stop wasting my time thinking about these men who make me feel like shit and invest it into me.

I care op. You need to not look at this as some sort of fail and think of this as just part and parcel of dating. Next! It's a numbers game. This guy wasn't meant for you - someone meant for you is going to be keen and into you.

Get back out there. Trust your instincts. Have some fun!

Yes but was like that all the time?
Take each day as it comes
Some men can be very fickle and have the shiny object syndrom
I’ve been there and learned to match their energy and effort and always let them do tiny a bit more than what I do so their mission is never fully accomplished and they have something to work towards.
Unpopular opinion I know but it is not games, I just became naturally like this. It’s also psychology.

Thank you @Ropeonasoap! I was feeling fine about it last week but felt a bit miserable about it all today for some reason. Plenty more fish in the sea, I know, but rejection after rejection especially from a guy who you thought liked you is draining!!