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Original poster

Do you think I’ve been uninvited to NYE?

95 replies

Tigandtuk · 31/12/2023 17:52

I moved to a new town in August and I haven’t found it easy to make new friends here. 2 weeks ago I was at a BBQ at a friend’s house (we live in the southern hemisphere. It’s summer here). Our mutual friends didn’t turn up, so it was me, her and some of her friends I hadn’t met before. I made an effort to get to know the other people there so she didn’t feel like she would have to stick with me. That evening she told me she was having a NYE party and she invited me to come. I said yes because I didn’t have plans yet. We didn’t discuss details, but I assume it’s another BBQ at her house.
I’ve messaged her a couple of times since then, wishing her a Merry Christmas and another general chatty text on Friday. She read them but hasn’t replied. Would you assume this means I’m uninvited from NYE? I don’t know and I’m so bad at figuring it out!

OP posts:
JanglingJack · 31/12/2023 20:38

ChedderGorgeous · 31/12/2023 20:21

Isn't it Easter where you are ?

🤣

Oh... Happy New Year anyway @Tigandtuk !

Original poster
Tigandtuk · 31/12/2023 20:46

@Marmalade71 absolutely! I hadn’t expected so much confusion about time zones in the southern hemisphere!

OP posts:
clara778 · 31/12/2023 20:57

I don't think you should go, she would have responded if you were friends.Let it go and move forward. it's just another night after all. find new friends next year. x

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Events & celebrations
Serene135 · 31/12/2023 21:25

It’s not difficult to send a reply text. She seems to be blanking you which is unkind. Just have a quiet night in with some nice food etc. Hope you make some nice friends next year 💐

JANEY205 · 31/12/2023 21:28

5128gap · 31/12/2023 20:11

So, you're saying that in those circles, people invite people to things when they don't want them there, and then if they message about it or turn up, they're as good as dead to the whole group? They sound like a bunch of mad as brooms 14 year olds to me. If that's your friendship group, I'm not surprised you and your DH have decided to give them a swerve tonight.

Show quote history

I’m saying it’s polite of focusing a party in front of someone to say oh you should come too! Them not following up with OP shows it wasn’t really intended or they’d have again extended the invite.

Again if you haven’t been an expat trying to break into a new friendship group it may be hard to grasp. I may tell a friend of a friend they are welcome to come to something but I wouldn’t then text as I could care less if they come or not if I’ve only met them once or twice! That is normal. Pushing in would come off rude and strange yes. It’s best to let friendships develop naturally and OP has made the right call here. NYE is a bit different to a casual BBQ anyway and OPs other friends aren’t even all going!

MyFirstLittlePony · 31/12/2023 21:43

Right decision

You are not in Argentina or Chile by any chance?

I used to live there and found I got a lot of “you must come!” Invitations but generally, unless I am given the exact start time and place, I’d assume it was not a real invitation iyswim

I have moved around a fair bit and find it takes 1-2 years to have real friends. It’s still early days, and hope you feel settled soon and your social life takes off a bit more 🙂

LookatPercy · 31/12/2023 21:48

I'm cracking up at the people who think everywhere in the southern hemisphere is ahead of the UK. The time zones go around the world, not from the bottom up 🤣
Here's a link which should help: https://www.timeanddate.com/time/map/

Sorry that this has happened OP, maybe make a new years resolution to make some new friends. That's what mine is after realising everyone else is celebrating tonight and no one invited me.

Time Zone Map

Current local times around the world, including (DST) changes.

https://www.timeanddate.com/time/map

ManchesterLu · 31/12/2023 23:29

moonshinepoursthroughmywindow · 31/12/2023 18:05

I was in that position once (as a teenager) and then on the night I got a puzzled phone call from the party giver saying "aren't you coming?" I'd assumed I would get an actual invitation at some point, but apparently if it had been mentioned to you you were invited. Put it this way, if you turn up she's unlikely to say you can't come in, when she did say you were invited.

Our neighbours do this all the time. Mention parties in passing but then never follow up until it's started and they'll text us asking where we are. Some people are just rubbish at making plans!

comingintomyown · 31/12/2023 23:30

Rainbows89 · 31/12/2023 19:06

I would also not contact her again until I heard from her.

but try and keep an open mind about the friendship in general. People can be complicated and have complicated lives and you don’t actually know what has happened here.

can you get some nice food and have a nice evening anyway. I am sure there are lots of us on here who aren’t doing anything v exciting tonight so you are not alone.

Nice post 😊

MrsCarson · 31/12/2023 23:36

Sounds like a blow off to me, I remember thinking I was making friends when I was newly living abroad and was told we should meet up for a coffee. Innocent me wondered when! Coffee never came.

CampervanKween · 31/12/2023 23:48

I'm in the Bahamas 🇧🇸 right now and its nearly 7pm. Just got my sparkly top on and wished friends in the UK a happy new year 🎉 ✨

Lolabear38 · 01/01/2024 00:10

@Tigandtuk sorry this has happened. Hopefully it’s just been a misunderstanding! I’m not sure your background but I’ve done a few international moves now (6 to date!) and while I appreciate you haven’t asked for advice about this, in my experience it can sometimes take 6-12 months to actually find your ‘people’. If these don’t turn out to be them don’t let it get you down… I’m sure by this time next year you’ll have multiple invites. Don’t let one unfortunate experience get you down, I’m pretty sure it’s nothing personal. Your NYE sounds lovely as it is. Have a great 2024 x

chaosmaker · 01/01/2024 00:39

Howbizzare22 · 31/12/2023 19:39

That old chestnut

Show quote history

But if they all turned up dead or a plane crashed on their house it would be the truth. As all old chestnuts are some of the time.

cherrypickles · 01/01/2024 00:39

Sorry op hope you have manage to have an enjoyable or at least passable evening.

I always feel NYE is to be endured rather than enjoyed.

I think most people know that the southern hemisphere is diverted into east west time zones. But Only 30% of land is below equator. And most of it isn't English speaking and 3 hours behind.

But I also wrongly assumed that southern hemisphere and English speaking = Australia /NZ

Now I'm intrigued if the OP is bilingual and where they are!

WhyAmINotCleaning · 01/01/2024 14:59

OP, I expect you will get a message today from the whole group saying they didn't see your messages. Sounds complicated and I'd probably get new friends.

August1980 · 01/01/2024 18:13

Happy new year OP, did you hear back from her? Either way hope you and your doggie had a nice New Year’s Eve.

Eddielizzard · 01/01/2024 19:02

Leaving you not knowing is a really shitty thing to do, esp as you're new to the area. I would be looking to widen my friendship circle.

Ohhoho · 01/01/2024 20:35

Cozy night in with dog, nothing better happy new year OP.

CountessWindyBottom · 01/01/2024 22:36

Tigandtuk · 31/12/2023 20:11

Thanks for all of the input everyone. I’m glad there isn’t a consensus because it makes me feel less stupid for not knowing! I’ve got a nice bottle of wine and I’m going to have a cozy night at home with the dog. I have messaged the mutual friends too but neither of them has replied, although that doesn’t surprise me because I messaged them after lunch and it’s only just 5pm and they will have been on the beach all day.

Happy New Year OP! I’ve lived all over the world and it takes a little bit of time to find your groove. Don’t take it personally and the lack of replies doesn’t mean you’re dealing with bad people necessarily. The unilateral decision to snuggle up with some wine and your dog sounds like a good one. Best wishes for an exciting year ahead 💕

LadyEloise1 · 28/01/2024 14:15

What happened in the end @Tigandtuk ?
Did they mention it again ?

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