Do you think I’ve been uninvited to NYE?

[Tigandtuk]

I moved to a new town in August and I haven’t found it easy to make new friends here. 2 weeks ago I was at a BBQ at a friend’s house (we live in the southern hemisphere. It’s summer here). Our mutual friends didn’t turn up, so it was me, her and some of her friends I hadn’t met before. I made an effort to get to know the other people there so she didn’t feel like she would have to stick with me. That evening she told me she was having a NYE party and she invited me to come. I said yes because I didn’t have plans yet. We didn’t discuss details, but I assume it’s another BBQ at her house.
I’ve messaged her a couple of times since then, wishing her a Merry Christmas and another general chatty text on Friday. She read them but hasn’t replied. Would you assume this means I’m uninvited from NYE? I don’t know and I’m so bad at figuring it out!

Maybe she forgot she invited you or didn't really mean it when she invited you or is expecting you to turn up, maybe it is a misunderstanding due to cultural difference. Have you contacted the common friends?

Call, or a group message? Nothing to lose.

I think I’d come across as deranged or desperate calling her when she’s left me on read for a week. The last 3 messages were all from me. 1 on 24th and 2 (at the same time) on Saturday.

As in including the friends you know are invited but closer to. Including asking what you can bring, etc.

I think that inviting you was just a throwaway and she didn't actually mean it.

If she hasn't bothered replying to you, then yeah, you're not invited.

I'm so sorry OP, this is really mean of her.

Don't send another message, I think her silence speaks volumes. I would certainly not bother with her again.

Happy new Year

This is perfect ^

If she’s blanked you for days as it is I wouldn’t go and I wouldn’t send any more messages just leave it

If she hasn't responded to your last three messages then I think it's pretty clear you're not invited, sorry OP.

Sorry Op, I think she asked you because other people were there and she didn't want any awkwardness. You've sent her three messages and she's not responded to any of them. I wouldn't contact her again and wouldn't show up tonight.

She doesn't sound nice at all. I hope 2024 is a fantastic year for you.

I'd send the message that @Pinkpinkplonk suggested, but with an assumption that I wouldn't get a reply, sorry OP.

It's funny that people are questioning the OP about the time. The southern hemisphere goes all around the world, it doesn't just include Australia and NZ

OP, I would absolutely still either go or, at least, send a message asking about tonight's plans. Why should you stay at home lonely and bored when she clearly invited you? This situation isn't your fault or of your making. At best, she's been really busy and has not had a chance to respond to your messages - or, even, thinks there not much to chat about as she'll see you tonight. At worst, she's changed her mind about inviting you and is trying to passive-aggressively shame you into not going. Bollocks to that. She extended an invitation which you accepted in good faith. If she's uninviting you she should be made to tell you clearly.

I'd leave it and assume she's forgotten what she said. And I'd leave her to text now

Don’t txt or phone it’s just embarrassing yourself. If it’s a genuine oversight and she’s been too busy to reply (really who can’t ping back a quick message) then I’m sure she will txt later and say see u at x time or hey where are u the party has started?
Dont pretend you don’t remember, don’t give her an out. She invites you, hasn’t followed through on it and now u have no plans - it’s just plain mean. You’ve learned a lesson very early on and you now know what she’s like. Friends like her are not worth the hassle, too flaky! Wishing you all the best for 2024.

Surely NYE had been and gone by the time you posted this OP?

Why do you think that?

Lots of countries in the southern hemisphere are behind the UK time-wise. Brazil, for example.

You do know that the southern hemisphere doesnt just consist of Australia and New Zealand dont you?

I would contact the mutual friends and ask them what the usual protocol is.

The joys of mumsnet and taking different stances! As I said above that’s what I’d do but now I’ve read @Karmaisagod response I’m thinking yeah go for it. She is right you were invited so still attend, at least you have someone else there you know. I tend to be more of a take the hump and cut my nose off to spite myself sometimes. But @Karmaisagod has a valid point if you feel strong enough to brazen it out. Good luck whatever you decide!

So weird, I wouldn't assume I was uninvited at all. The last thing she actively did was invite you. Not replying to messages doesn't mean a big snub or being invited. People are busy over Xmas. Go along and have fun, otherwise a nice thing has turned into a shit thing without anyone doing anything and it's very likely pure misunderstanding. You've zero reason to think she'd be mean based on what you've said so far.

I would also not contact her again until I heard from her.

but try and keep an open mind about the friendship in general. People can be complicated and have complicated lives and you don’t actually know what has happened here.

can you get some nice food and have a nice evening anyway. I am sure there are lots of us on here who aren’t doing anything v exciting tonight so you are not alone.

*or being uninvited

I’d leave it. Looks a bit desperate if she hasn’t replied to your other texts from the last few days. That would have been the time to ask about NYE if she had. It’s a bit shit of her though.

This. I don’t agree with posters who say you shouldn’t go. You will kick yourself for missing a good night. She’s too busy to confirm with everyone.

Is the alternative sit alone? Id call,if no answer send a wee is party still on? nothhing to lose

I would go! This isn't the Rules and she's not a prospective boyfriend you need to play games with. You were invited. You haven't been uninvited. The messages she hasn't responded to are from Christmas Eve to now, the busiest time of year socially. Not everyone pounces on their phone to respond immediately - I quite often find I have missed messages from several days ago from people I am very fond of. If it's awkward you can go home.