Do you think I’ve been uninvited to NYE?

[Tigandtuk]

I moved to a new town in August and I haven’t found it easy to make new friends here. 2 weeks ago I was at a BBQ at a friend’s house (we live in the southern hemisphere. It’s summer here). Our mutual friends didn’t turn up, so it was me, her and some of her friends I hadn’t met before. I made an effort to get to know the other people there so she didn’t feel like she would have to stick with me. That evening she told me she was having a NYE party and she invited me to come. I said yes because I didn’t have plans yet. We didn’t discuss details, but I assume it’s another BBQ at her house.
I’ve messaged her a couple of times since then, wishing her a Merry Christmas and another general chatty text on Friday. She read them but hasn’t replied. Would you assume this means I’m uninvited from NYE? I don’t know and I’m so bad at figuring it out!

I'd go, she hasn't uninvited you, she's failed to respond to a couple of unimportant texts over what is often a busy period where its not unusual to read something and then get distracted and forget to reply.

If you don't go, what if she thinks you've dumped her for a better offer?

Maybe there's been a family emergency and she's not been reading messages. Don't take it personally until you know for definite.

Did she give you a time, @Tigandtuk?

I'd have texted this morning or yesterday saying "what's the plan for tonight?" She may consider that you're not interested or have other plans as you've not followed up.

I wouldn't worry a jot about looking desperate. It's not desperate to go to a party you're invited to and it's nicer than not turning up like those other friends before. All it shows is that you like her and want to be friends. Nothing wrong with that. You don't need to play games or take phone stuff so personally.

Agree. You don't want to sound desperate.

It's a shame but on four months' acquaintance, NYE is a lot different from a BBQ.

Why on earth would you think that. You do know that the Southern Hemisphere consists of loads of countries all with differing time zones don't you?
I am not sure if you are somehow trying to catch the OP out or something but you've just made yourself look a bit daft.

When I’m prepping for a party, I rarely look at my phone. You’ve been invited, just go, better than sitting in on your own. Call your mutual friend admins ask how she’s getting to the party and what time and go with her.

just go, what have you got to lose?

I get why the OP would feel a bit odd about turning up tonight after this friend hadn’t responded to texts sent over the last week.

Did she confirm a time when she invited you OP?

If she did, I’d send a text saying ‘looking forward to tonight, can I bring anything?’

If she didn’t confirm a time, I d text saying ‘looking forward to tonight, what time would you like us there?’

If no response within the next few hours, then you know she did not really intend to have you there!

I don’t get why people excuse others not responding to texts. No one is too busy or overloaded with personal messages to give a quick one word response, like ‘thanks’ or an emoji. Even if it’s a few days later. To ignore 3 texts sent over different days probably means they’re indifferent and don’t think much of you so cbarsed to reply so not someone to bother with if you’re looking for a friend!

You can't win either way. Call her and she may not pick up the phone or if she does and says yes come along, you might think she had to say yes. If you don't call, she will ask where you are.

That old chestnut

Maybe her friends didn't turn up before because she doesn't reply to people asking what the arrangements are and they assume they're uninvited?

Phone her and ask her if the party she invited you to is still going ahead. Or just go there and then you can mention that you checked a couple of times with her but got no response. If she's flaky like this I wouldn't be bothered socialising with her at all.

Definitely don’t turn up -sorry OP she’s blown u off. If she gets in touch after tonight do not reply. She’s no friend. X

If she had answered your texts but not mentioned it - I would say ask. As she hasn't replied to your texts - I wouldn't go and wouldn't text again. If she does message or your mutual friends message and ask where are you - I would say - I wasn't sure if it was still on/still invited - and didnt have a reply from homeowner to my texts so didn't want to gate crash.

If your last few messages have been ignored, I certainly wouldn't send any more. Just assume that you're not going.

Can you not just message your mutual friends and say that host invited you to party tonight and you wanted to check if it’s still on and if they’re going? Also ask if best to bring wine/Prosecco (yuck!)/champagne or whatever

no need for drama about confirmation invitation from host or about what time to arrive, surely.

From someone who is also an expat, dont just turn up! And I wouldn’t message again.

Trying to navigate friendships when you are new to a friendship circle and living abroad is so different vs people you know and calling/keep texting is going to look unhinged!

My husband and I have both been in your shoes before and sometimes people say a flippant oh I’m having a party you should come. especially as she was probably discussing it in front of you, but if they actually want you there then they send info about the event closer to the time (we have had people do this). You aren’t actually close friends, you’re new to her friendship circle and half your mutual friends aren’t actually going. You’re on the periphery of the group because you’re new and I wouldn’t be pushing in. Friendships sometimes naturally develop and sometimes don’t and that is ok!

Id focus on sourcing some good food and drink and have a great night in!! That’s what we are doing tonight as we decided to not see friends and just chill at home.

DO NOT PHONE!! Please don’t take advice from people who haven’t been the expat in a new friendship group. If you phoned me I’d be really really weirded out! Nobody phones me and I hate phone calls and would find this crazy intense and would then feel obliged to say come. Don’t put her in that position! She already hasn’t been texting you back. This is someone you haven’t known long at all.

Not being invited to anything in that social circle ever again! Seeming pushy and weird if it was an off the cuff invite and not really intended.

This is exactly what I'd do. If I'm having a party i don't text everyone I've invited to confirm timings etc. Think some people are just much more formal than others. It's an NYE party, not a wedding reception, just go along and have fun! Great opportunity to make more friends.

Thanks for all of the input everyone. I’m glad there isn’t a consensus because it makes me feel less stupid for not knowing! I’ve got a nice bottle of wine and I’m going to have a cozy night at home with the dog. I have messaged the mutual friends too but neither of them has replied, although that doesn’t surprise me because I messaged them after lunch and it’s only just 5pm and they will have been on the beach all day.

So, you're saying that in those circles, people invite people to things when they don't want them there, and then if they message about it or turn up, they're as good as dead to the whole group? They sound like a bunch of mad as brooms 14 year olds to me. If that's your friendship group, I'm not surprised you and your DH have decided to give them a swerve tonight.

Not the point of the thread but am baffled how many people think the Southern Hemisphere basically means Australia 😀

I think OP, this is one of those "polite" invitations that wasn't really meant and is therefore entirely impolite.

That said, the best of us are in with the TV and the cat this evening so HNY!

Isn't it Easter where you are ?