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Original poster

How often do you speak to your mum / adult children?

105 replies

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 31/12/2023 10:11

Inspired another thread but I didn’t want to derail.

How often do you chat to your mum and/ or adult children?

I speak to my mum about once a week and my adult DD FaceTime once a week and a couple of WhatsApp’s during the week, but only if there is something to say. I have a teenage DS at home and I’m lucky to get a couple of sentences out of him a day when face to face, so goodness knows how much communication we will have once he goes to uni.

Those of you who speak every day/ multiple times a day - what do you talk about? If you can’t get hold of them does it make you feel panicked and isn’t that suffocating? Sorry, one more question - if you do chat to your mum or siblings multiple times a day how do you find time to get anything done?

OP posts:
OutYerEd · 31/12/2023 13:11

I speak to my Mum most days for a quick chat on the phone. Me, my Mum and sister have a WhatsApp group and we talk on it every day. If one of us was silent for more than 24 hours I’d worry, yes.

My parents are long divorced and my Dad lives abroad, in his home country. I call him most weekends for a chat, just to check on his welfare and show I care. It’s definitely more of a sense of duty thing, though, whereas I love nattering with my Mum.
I wouldn’t go more than a fortnight without calling. If I can’t hold of him after a few days, I call other relatives who live nearby to check in on him (he’s old).

My adult DC still lives at home, so we talk every day Grin. I don’t think once they move out I’d expect or force frequent contact, but I’d like it.

3luckystars · 31/12/2023 13:12

Most days I speak to my parents.

FizzyStream · 31/12/2023 13:12

Jingleeaster · 31/12/2023 10:19

I talk to my Mum every day. If we have nothing to say we dont say much, otherwise we have a nice natter.

I do this. I have about a ten min journey home from work so give her a quick ring then. She knows what time roughly I'm going to phone so it's a little bit of a routine. We chat about things that have happened since the day before or I update her on what the kids are doing and we confirm future plans. Having said that it isn't every day. Probably about 4/5 weekdays and we just text at the weekend once or twice. Gives us a chance to have a good moan / rant about stuff too.

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Families
belge2 · 31/12/2023 13:16

Speak to my mum most days and we have a family zoom every week. One DS is away at Uni so WhatsApp him several times a week and probably manage to speak to him at least once a week. Other 2 children are still at home - they barely communicate 🤷‍♀️

Kazzyhoward · 31/12/2023 13:17

We text our son a "good morning" text first thing and a "good night" last thing.

Probably every other day, we'll also do a brief facetime.

As to what we talk about, it depends, sometimes, it's a very quick "check in", but other times, we have longer talks about planning family events, giving him advice about shopping/finance/health, etc.

That kind of regular "check in" texts and facetimes got him through the awful Uni experience of lockdowns etc during covid, and got him through his first few difficult days/weeks of him starting his first "proper" job in a different city.

I imagine we'll text/facetime less as the years pass.

Funkyslippers · 31/12/2023 13:18

I message my uni DD every day without fail. Yes, if I couldn't get hold of her for most of the day I'd be concerned. We talk every couple of days. She's got so much uni & socialising going on she's always got stuff to tell me. I don't have much to tell her in comparison!

My db messages me a few times a week. I don't always reply. No fall out, I just don't have much to say plus his messages are often quite long and rambling

snowitall · 31/12/2023 13:25

This thread is making me feel bad! I’m in my 30s, live in same city as dad and will WhatsApp him a few times a week and see him for a big walk and lunch every second Sunday. I amped this up to more frequently when his wife passed away but have gone back to every second weekend as every week was too much for me.

My mum lives overseas and we will WhatsApp messages and photos throughout the week but probably only manage a phone call once a month, usually talk for around an hour though. I do actually call her more frequently than this but she always has phone on silent so never picks up.

Generally with people, I like to save up my stories and see them when there is more to say, even my closest friends I’d only have the energy to see once every two weeks. Maybe I’m an old grouch but I don’t really enjoy socialising unless there is a point (like lots to catch up on, or going to a gallery/show or something to be celebrated!). I’ve realised that I get deeply annoyed by any friend if I see them every week. DH is the only person whose company I can stand more frequently, and even then I get a secret thrill if he has to go on a work trip 😂

TerrysChocolateOrange · 31/12/2023 13:25

I left home at 24 I rang home every day until my mother died in 2022, at first it was for me, (I was desperately homesick),then it became a thing, then as she started to fail my siblings knew that if even if I was in a different country, I would normally be the first to suss out when things weren’t quite right. My siblings all lived close by and dropped in a lot and had her to dinner a lot, but they had the comfort of knowing that someone was checking in on her daily.

Over the years we developed a code, good evening Mother, I am calling you to tell you that I have nothing to tell you, despite that we would still chat for about five or ten minutes. As she started to fail I pulled the calls back from five in the evening to about eleven in the morning (basically to check she was still alive)

On one of these calls, I knew by her that she was in heart failure, told I had to answer the door and would call her back, I raised the flag with my siblings and then rang her back and kept her talking (well talking at her) until my DB arrived.

Don’t get me wrong, she drove me scatty at times and there were times I would be gritting my teeth and rolling my eyes, but dear God I miss our chats, my landline almost never rings these days and when it does my heart soars because for a moment I think she is still alive.

If you have a good phone relationship with your mother/father, cherish it, it can disappear in a heartbeat.

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 31/12/2023 13:27

I speak with my mum every day mainly on the way home from work. We talk about her day and mine and I'll check they dont need anything if im popping to a shop. We often text through the day but that tends to be more around if the boys have dropped in and she'll let me know or if she has the baby she sends me pics of what they're up to. We meet Saturday morning for a dog walk too.

Oldest DS is 19 and at uni. We talk on the phone maybe 3 times a week and text daily. We see him every fortnight mainly to take him shopping and for something to eat so I know he's having more than takeaways and alcohol in his diet.

I'd start to wonder what they were doing if I hadn't heard from them for over a day. 2 days and I'd probably worry. My dad on the other hand I worry when he contacts me as he doesn't do phones or technology so I only ever hear from him when there's a problem. He just tends to shout hello when I'm talking to mum.

On the other hand DH will speak to his mum once every few weeks unless either of them want anything or there's some form of drama. He finds it really strange the level of contact I have with parents.

MammaTo · 31/12/2023 13:34

I have a WhatsApp group with my mum and sister and we talk everyday - I’ll send photos of the baby or where we’ve been that day etc.

Menomeno · 31/12/2023 13:38

I used to call my mum every day, but she’d never call me so I left it longer and longer between calls to see if she’d ring me. That was 8 years ago. She phoned me once in 2020 to tell me that my uncle had died. She rings other family members regularly but not me. I do visit her every two or three weeks.

Thudercatsrule · 31/12/2023 13:55

My mum lives 10mins drive away and we talk on the phone at least once a day and message alot. She doesnt have any friends and she doesn't talk to her any of her other family, so its just me.

She messages my DS's (16 and 17) and get moody when they dont respond, but they are teenagers!

toddlermam · 31/12/2023 16:13

I'm 24 with my own house, partner and son (3.5 years old).

I see my mom probably once a week / once a fortnight for a few hours on the weekend - but tbh, this is only because I facilitate it by going round. She would never bother coming to me and would probably go weeks and weeks without seeing eachother. I go round because I like seeing my younger siblings mainly.

DoesNotPlayWellWithIdiots · 31/12/2023 17:32

I speak with my mum a few times a week. She's 86 and lives alone, though she's very active for her age and very independent. Contact has become more frequent over the last couple of years due to some health issues of hers and me wanting to support her (I have no siblings) and even more so recently because her best friend of 40 years died and she's struggling with that.
I have one 29yo DD and we also speak frequently and message each other nearly every day, sometimes multiple times - mostly random stuff that makes us laugh 😂
I consider myself very fortunate to have such a great relationship with both DM and DD, we're all very close and do actually enjoy each other's company 😊

SALWARP2023 · 31/12/2023 17:57

Just depends on what we have to say and how busy we are. When my daughter was in her twenties we probably didn't contact each other more than once a week but now in her mid thirties it's probably 3 times a week. Couldn't do more often.

ALongHardWinter · 31/12/2023 18:07

I speak to DD on the phone a couple of times a week,we message most days. I see her at least once a week,she lives only about 5 miles away.

bloodyhellKen22 · 31/12/2023 18:17

I phone my mum lots - probably too much but I really miss her.
We message most days but FaceTime/call maybe 3/4 times a week. We just catch up, or talk about my DD who is still a baby and entertaining/stressful.
If I lived near her, I'd most likely see her most days.

doubleshotcappuccino · 31/12/2023 18:22

DD and Mum every day .. have headphones so call when I'm cooking or doing jobs or on hands free when driving .

DeeCeeCherry · 31/12/2023 18:24

Mum - infrequently
Adult DCs - daily

Christmasgrinch234 · 31/12/2023 18:29

Now I’m a mum I speak to my mum a couple of times a week. It’s usually during the day when everyone else is busy and I’m bored doing chores (I use headphones).

we natter about:
shopping (what we’ve seen/brought/on the hunt for).
who we’ve seen/what we’re up to.
how DD is/any developments.

not very interesting conversation. During uni I would go months without talking to her.

tadpolelove · 31/12/2023 18:33

I speak to my mum on ft almost everyday she lives a 10 minute walk from me. I have two adult children still at home, and one dd married with a baby 2 and a half hrs away. We ft almost daily.

Ragwort · 31/12/2023 18:35

I speak to my elder mum 3-4 times a week and visit twice a week .. but she Is in her 90s and very frail now so it is more about checking that she is OK. We always seem to find plenty to talk about it ... although it's probably not very interesting to anyone else.
My DS (22) WhatsApps most days & we have a chat at least once a week on the phone ... he is travelling so loads to talk about.

hiredandsqueak · 31/12/2023 18:42

I text adult dc every day, see them most weeks, never phone them nor them me though.

UsingChangeofName · 31/12/2023 19:05

So a 5 minute chat every day mentioning Maureen from the post office, means you probably know who Maureen is. When less frequent contact means I have no clue and so I’m not really interested.

Yes, this is a good point.

I don't have any parents still alive.

My adult dc, it varies - one is more likely to go a few days without contact, the other 2 I will usually have some form of messaging with most days.
But we have quite a few different groups. One message might be a joke or a meme. One message might be something practical. Sometimes it is just a "Hello" or "How's things?" Or someone might share a photo that has come up in their memories or when doing some sorting for something. In another group, Grandparents might share a photo of where they are and my dc comment on it.

margotrose · 31/12/2023 19:09

My mum is one of my best friends so we speak pretty much everyday.

That can range from a full half hour chat on FaceTime to just sending each other photos or memes, or commenting on the weather or what we've been doing that day.