MIL’s lack of food hygiene makes me feel sick

[sunflowers365]

I’ve just finished a week at my parent in laws for Christmas. My MIL’s food hygiene, and just general cleanliness, makes me feel sick. For context, I have a 15 month old daughter, which makes this more serious for me. She defrosted chicken on the kitchen counter all night. She left my daughter’s turkey bolognaise out on the hob for 5 hours yesterday before it went into the fridge and she reheated it today. She washed raw chicken in the sink today too. They have no hot water in their kitchen. Their kitchen floor is the dirtiest kitchen floor I’ve ever seen in my life- flecked with dried on food all over. The tiles at the back of the hob are greased over with fat. The fridge is full to bursting. The counter tops are strewn with food such as pickles, jams, dried fruits etc. I can’t even use the downstairs shower because I’m terrified of their shower curtain touching me and can’t bear to step on the bath mat. I bring my own flip
flops to wear in their upstairs bathroom. We are sleeping in their bedroom and it smells so musty. The level of dust and clutter is just foul. I love my parents in law but their house and lack of food hygiene disgusts me. Can’t wait to go home!!

I agree - I would take flip-flops to that bathroom too, amd my own towel and bathmat. A filthy kitchen would give me the heebie jeebies, especially with a 15 month old who might spend time on the kitchen floor. The thought of sleeping in a bed there would give menthe ick.

Yeeeugh.

Yes I think culturally Caribbean people tend to wash meat and consider it disgusting not to do so.

I do not wash meat as I don't think you can rinse off bacteria with running water (though it's be good for getting off any actual dirt, obviously). I do wash fruit and veg.

Different strokes for different folks.

Were you ill though?

You've been there a week and moaning about your toddler getting filthy, did you think to offer a hand? maybe mop the floors? tidy? I know I would have.

Yh washing meat is definitely a cultural thing, I'm African and its something we do. Each to their own...

Mine too 😄

It sounds pretty horrible, and I would hate it too, but why have they not got hot water in their kitchen? If they're living in that kind of poverty it's perhaps not surprising that they're not focussed on cleanliness.

Is it not something that you and DH could help with? If you can't afford to pay towards having hot water installed in the kitchen then perhaps you could look into grants?

TBH I really wasn't aware that elderly people in 2023, in this country, have to live without hot water in their kitchen 😢

Leaving bolonaise on the hob for 5 hours, then refrigerating and reheating once the next day is unlikely to cause food poisoning, especially if it is hot and cooling down. It would be different if the kitchen were really hot or on a hot summer's day. But it's no worse than a sausage roll left out on a buffet for the evening. Neither is defrosting a frozen chicken overnight. Washing a chicken in a sink isn't recommended. Hot water or the lack of actually isn't a problem at all. I think that Switzerland encourages hand washing in cold water to save energy as scientific evidence has proven that there is no benefit to warm water. Of course this is common sense when you think about it. The water would have to be boiling to kill any germs. And warmer temperatures can cause germs to grow rather than cold. It doesn't cause the soap to work better either. There is no difference. The rest sounds pretty grim though. I suspect that the visible dirt makes everything else feel more unhygienic than it is, particularly with a toddler.

@Sodndashitall why is OP "OTT" for wanting to follow basic food hygiene and not wanting to exist in a house that is covered in dirt, and smells disgusting?

Defrosting chicken on the counter overnight would only be a problem if you have the heating on overnight or in the summer .

@DocOck Don't you use an icepack/cold pack for children's lunches? Our lunch box came with one and I add it to the packed lunch everyday.

I don't leave perishable food out at my children's parties or buffets. The food comes out when it is time to eat and then is put away. I wouldn't eat a buffet that wasn't following similar practices or if they didn't have perishable food on ice. If you eat at a nice buffet in a hotel you will see that they routinely check the food with thermometers, replace food when it gets too warm and serve food in temp. controlled containers.

I do remember as a child that my mother would leave meat out to defrost, she doesn't anymore though because the science behind it has improved.

My grandmother, born in the early 1900s didn't have a fridge for most of her life, so even though she had one from around the 1970s she never thought to use it and my mum was always going round there and having to put meat and dairy in the fridge for her .

Some of the quoted problems are really normal. Leaving food to defrost overnight for example.

This thread is highlighting how many are unaware of the temperature that bacteria starts to grow on raw meat. It only has to be warmer than 5 degrees. No of course you won’t get food poisoning every time you do this but the chances are higher because of the temperature ‘danger zone’.
I once saw my MIL defrosting chicken outside in the sun. I wouldn’t eat there.

I don't think they are normal. I think its poor hygiene which could result in someone (in this case a baby) coming down with bad food poising. Just because people don't understand food safety doesn't mean the OP, who does understand food safety, is OTT. Moreover, there is no way I would be okay with myself or my children being in a dirty home.

I agree. I am shocked at how lax so many people are in this thread when it comes to food safety. People die from food poising and its one thing if you are the one with lax food hygiene and are the only one eating it, its unacceptable to do be lax and then feed that food to children who don't have a say in how their food is prepared, cooked and stored.

Fair enough.

I have a different view. I guess I've survived and so have my kids so far but maybe the OP isn't OTT but I do think some of the quote behaviours are not bad. Some are. Some not

Oh I sympathise. I’d also suggest takeaways/eating out but be firm with it. And as for the baby’s food, don’t let her make it, bring ready meals if needed as they’d be safer,
you need to firm on this one incase she gets sick.
My ILs are similar and when my child was little I used to visit armed with anti bac wipes and Milton spray and tablets and even a flash mop
on one occasion and basically fully clean their kitchen including the rotten dog water dish and I’d leave a bottle of anti bac gel and hand wash in the kitchen as they never have them. My partner did speak with them but they clearly didn’t take it on board. I wasn’t even subtle about it tbh, my daughter was premature and we had to be extra careful, I don’t think they dared say anything due to
my post partum
hormones 🤦‍♀️😂
I would also avoid staying if possible but they’re lovely people so I didn’t want to isolate from them, just wish they’d clean.

I'd be wearing flip flops bathroom floor sounds like a holiday haven for athletes foot or other tasty fungi. As for the shower curtain if its nicely decorated with black mold I don't want it to touch me either. Some people just have no shame.

My ex MIL’s house was like this. I used to spend hours cleaning her kitchen every time I went there. Once she got a mouse infestation and that was it, I left and checked the family into a hotel and never stayed there again. So gross.

presumably it’s their choice - I take it they are physically able to clean if they wanted to? Sorry to say this but I kinda feel like you are overreacting a bit. Maybe there is a happy medium somewhere in between you and them. What does your DH think?

My ex MIL was disgusting in the kitchen she had cats & saw one once licking butter out of the butter dish because she didn’t put the lid back on, she picked mould off bread before serving & handled raw chicken but didn’t wash her hands, I used to make excuses not to go there. Irony was she worked in a cafe.

So, I'm thinking had you never stayed at their place before you were married ? Presuming you had and what does your partner think about his mother's habits ? Just wondering but I do see why you'd be a bit disgusted !!!

My sister wooed the sleep off her cat's eyes and just wipes her hands on her clothes and carries on prepping tea.
Saw her do it for the first time and nearly puked.
Now offer to do the food if visiting, unfortunately my brother is the same so never get a chance to just relax when visiting.

Same. Often leave cooked food out overnight to cool down before putting in the fridge. I am not saying that a dirty floor isn’t a bit gross. I wouldn’t like it. but why can’t you rinse a chicken in the sink? Not that I have ever done it. I am a bit peck of dirt myself, and no one was ever poisoned.