Page 5 | Little things to be a great host

Hostesstips · 2023-12-27T10:33:37+00:00

I’ve just moved into a house where I can finally host dinner parties etc and I really enjoy having people over. Aside from the obvious like keeping glasses topped up and making sure no one leaves hungry, what are the little things you do to make you a good host ? For me, I like to dress the table nicely, have a box of slippers for my guests so they don’t get cold feet and make sure the house smells nice with scented candles / wax melts

Coincidentally · 28/12/2023 08:54

Would never offer slippers to b a guest!!!!
Utterly cringey.
People mostly take their shoes off visiting friends’ houses casually, but not for a party where people are dressing up and mingling.
Definitely number one would be keep animals away from guests.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 28/12/2023 08:55

The key thing with hosting is to make your guests feel comfortable - take their coats, show them where the loo is, get them a drink, introduce those who don't know each other, etc, etc.

muggart · 28/12/2023 09:02

It's been touched on already, but the most important thing is to ask about allergies and intolerances before planning the meal and to ask your guest how to make their meals safe for them if they do have special requirements. People with allergies need to have their food prepared in a different pan because of cross contamination risk.

DD has allergies and I am always immensely grateful to people that take it seriously and also don't make us feel like a burden (because let's be honest it's a PITA accounting for cross contamination all the time).

muggart · 28/12/2023 09:02

Oh; and try to spend equal time with each guest, don't let anyone hog you.

SandyWaves · 28/12/2023 09:48

BuddhaAtSea · 27/12/2023 12:06

Apparently I’m a great host because I pay attention.

You need a theme: ‘come for dinner with people you’ve never met’ doesn’t really appeal to many. But if you say ‘new house’, ‘birthday’, ‘card game night’, Burns night, Eurovision etc, people perceive it differently.

The minute your glass is empty I’m there with a bottle. If I noticed you liked the nuts, I’m there with a fresh little bowl.

I network quite well. So if I introduced you to Susan, I make sure you have something to talk about bar: how do you know BuddhaAtSea? I make sure I find a common ground between you two, or say: we were talking about independent bookstores/sea swimming etc, so people feel they’re not interrupting private chats. I know it’s normal and nothing special, but I pay attention to that especially, because I want people to feel looked after.

I’m a foodie. I shared meals with most of my friends, if not all, so I would say: I made the mushrooms especially for you, Mary, I know you like them. Don’t worry, John, I remembered you hate them, but I made fresh bread, am I forgiven?

I like people to feel like they contributed to a great night. So my friend who is a wine expert will get the recognition for her suggestions and the wine she brought. Another for the amazing dip she makes better than anyone in the world (it’s true, I’m not just saying that, that woman can condiment like a wizard!!)
You get the gist.
HTH

Now this is a host

Perfect

All this shoes on, shoes off business ....just make your guests feel a little special.

whyamiawakestill · 28/12/2023 09:48

crafty976 · 27/12/2023 12:20

I love hosts who hand out the menu for the local indian/chinese restaurant and order in. It means I get to talk to the hosts instead of them flapping around in the kitchen for ages! And it totally takes the pressure off me when a return invitation goes out!

This 100%, the best evenings are with great people over a takeaway with zero flapping.

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 28/12/2023 09:50

MerryChristmasToYou · 27/12/2023 11:58

Don't top up glasses. Someone might be having one small glass of wine only because they are driving, or trying to limit their intake.

People who enjoy wine generally like to experience the way it develops in the glass while drinking, rather than having it topped up and the flavour muddled.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/12/2023 09:51

Sahara123 · 27/12/2023 10:49

I was about to say exactly the same !

Me too!

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 28/12/2023 10:00

TheSuggestedAmendment · 27/12/2023 11:01

Music in the background. It helps to mask awkward silences.

Don’t cook or arrange anything too complicated. Your guests would rather have pizza and a chilled out happy host than a stress bunny serving beef wellington.

I'd rather have the beef wellington and stressed host. I can have a pizza at home whenever I want. The host should serve something interesting - it doesn't have to be home cooked but it should be memorable.

Gardeningtime · 28/12/2023 10:07

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 28/12/2023 10:00

I'd rather have the beef wellington and stressed host. I can have a pizza at home whenever I want. The host should serve something interesting - it doesn't have to be home cooked but it should be memorable.

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Well as much as I agree throwing a pizza at guests isn’t good, expecting memorable food is really ott. You’re not some restaurant critic at some top restaurant, but at a friends for dinner.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/12/2023 10:10

Heyhoherewegoagain · 28/12/2023 07:30

I’d be interested to know the average age of shoes off v shoes on, as I have the feeling its probably a generational thing.

Im shoes on, as are the vast majority of my friends and family, amd am in my early 50s

I’m older than you, and ‘shoes off’ was never a thing at all when I was a child, and for a considerable time afterwards. My family and general circle was MC but not all by any means well off, so nothing to do with having a servant to clean up after you. My DM only ever had a cleaner once she was widowed and in her late 70s.

The whole ‘shoes off’ thing seems to have mushroomed with the over obsession with being ‘hygienic’, as seen so often on MN - coupled with the growth of so many household products for disinfecting everything within sight.

I do sometimes wonder whether so much ‘hygiene’ is the reason why so many children nowadays have allergies.

GrandParade · 28/12/2023 10:11

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 28/12/2023 10:00

I'd rather have the beef wellington and stressed host. I can have a pizza at home whenever I want. The host should serve something interesting - it doesn't have to be home cooked but it should be memorable.

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I think it’s perfectly possible to have excellent food and an unstressed host.

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 28/12/2023 10:14

GrandParade · 28/12/2023 10:11

I think it’s perfectly possible to have excellent food and an unstressed host.

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Yes, it certainly is, but wanting to avoid stress isn't a good reason to serve boring, low-effort food to your guests, as TheSuggestedAmendment seems to think.

Gardeningtime · 28/12/2023 10:16

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 28/12/2023 10:14

Yes, it certainly is, but wanting to avoid stress isn't a good reason to serve boring, low-effort food to your guests, as TheSuggestedAmendment seems to think.

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Agree. But that coesnt mean you go expecting something memorable . They aren’t chefs and you’re going for the social event more than anything. If you want culinary genius. Go to a restaurant and pay for it. And if you can’t afford it. Then go without. You don’t go to peoples houses pretending it’s your chance to have something Michelin starred.

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 28/12/2023 10:20

Gardeningtime · 28/12/2023 10:16

Agree. But that coesnt mean you go expecting something memorable . They aren’t chefs and you’re going for the social event more than anything. If you want culinary genius. Go to a restaurant and pay for it. And if you can’t afford it. Then go without. You don’t go to peoples houses pretending it’s your chance to have something Michelin starred.

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Perhaps we mean different things by 'memorable' - I don't mean Michelin level cooking, I just mean not something that you'd shove in the oven without a second thought at home when you couldn't be arsed to cook - something you would make for a special meal rather than an everyday one.

GrandParade · 28/12/2023 10:23

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 28/12/2023 10:14

Yes, it certainly is, but wanting to avoid stress isn't a good reason to serve boring, low-effort food to your guests, as TheSuggestedAmendment seems to think.

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Agree. It’s one of those false oppositions that seems to crop up a lot on here — another one I’ve noticed recently is that to find a ‘good man’, you have to look past him being dull as ditchwater.

AnUnreasonableWoman · 28/12/2023 10:24

I live in the middle of the agricultural countryside and we have dogs. I advise visitors to leave their shoes ON for reasons of their hygiene, not mine, and I sweep/mop the floors daily.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 28/12/2023 10:37

Hostesstips · 27/12/2023 11:33

@TheSuggestedAmendment my husband went to one of the UK’s top independent schools and all of our friends still take their shoes off but thanks for the etiquette lesson 😂

So did mine, and all his brothers, and my lovely MiL had a ‘cut-glass’ accent, but shoes-off was never a thing at their house. Not so much as a cleaning lady either, in case anyone’s wondering - all those school fees meant they were permanently skint.

sunglassesonthetable · 28/12/2023 11:01

Well as much as I agree throwing a pizza at guests isn’t good, expecting memorable food is really ott. You’re not some restaurant critic at some top restaurant, but at a friends for dinne

Hard agree. Some of the loveliest people I know are very average cooks. I'm def a better cook. But I love a fun, entertaining, 100% convivial meal around at theirs.

Don't get stressed about the food.

reasoningwithstupidity · 28/12/2023 11:12

I never knew shoes on/off was such a big deal until this thread. I ended up down the rabbit hole of Google and it seems there are lots of places in the world that believe in shoes off for various reasons.

LuluBlakey1 · 28/12/2023 11:15

Hostesstips · 27/12/2023 11:33

@TheSuggestedAmendment my husband went to one of the UK’s top independent schools and all of our friends still take their shoes off but thanks for the etiquette lesson 😂

Ahh, now I can see why you are asking for advice on hostessing.

Gardeningtime · 28/12/2023 11:21

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 28/12/2023 10:20

Perhaps we mean different things by 'memorable' - I don't mean Michelin level cooking, I just mean not something that you'd shove in the oven without a second thought at home when you couldn't be arsed to cook - something you would make for a special meal rather than an everyday one.

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But that’s not “memorable”. Or even close. I have dinner parties regularly, and have cooked everting from chicken and chorizo one pot wonders , to sea bass en papillote, to tapas to spag Bol , yes if you invite someone round for dinner you make an effort. But it’s not just about the food.

I always think the people who write things like it should be memorable do not dine out often, and don’t get invited to peoples homes for dinner either much, or host themselves.and think that being invited for dinner is like going to a free restaurant, it’s all about the food. It’s not. It’s part of it, and yes an effort should be made, but saying it needs to be memorable is just ott.

Notellinganyone · 28/12/2023 11:26

Only on Mumsnet are people so obsessed with shoes off. Ridiculous rule.

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 28/12/2023 11:28

Gardeningtime · 28/12/2023 11:21

But that’s not “memorable”. Or even close. I have dinner parties regularly, and have cooked everting from chicken and chorizo one pot wonders , to sea bass en papillote, to tapas to spag Bol , yes if you invite someone round for dinner you make an effort. But it’s not just about the food.

I always think the people who write things like it should be memorable do not dine out often, and don’t get invited to peoples homes for dinner either much, or host themselves.and think that being invited for dinner is like going to a free restaurant, it’s all about the food. It’s not. It’s part of it, and yes an effort should be made, but saying it needs to be memorable is just ott.

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Well, if your social whirl of dinner parties is so dizzying that, to be memorable, a dish must be cooked to Michelin standards, I can only bow in a state of 'obviously doesn't gt out enough' humility 😃

MerryChristmasToYou · 28/12/2023 11:29

@Notellinganyone , you've not had people walking around your house in muddy shoes presumably. The person who did it had a shoes off rule at theirs.