Little things to be a great host

[Hostesstips]

I’ve just moved into a house where I can finally host dinner parties etc and I really enjoy having people over.

Aside from the obvious like keeping glasses
topped up and making sure no one leaves hungry, what are the little things you do to make you a good host ?

For me, I like to dress the table nicely, have a box of slippers for my guests so they don’t get cold feet and make sure the house smells nice with scented candles / wax melts

Chill out. So guests are relaxed. Forget dressing the table pretentiously it puts people on edge
Invite for dinner but make it really relaxed. Great tunes on. Lots of smiles and wine

We’re a shoes off household but don’t insist for any guests. My aunt said it was the height of rudeness to remove your shoes but I’m the other side of the discussion in that I wouldn’t want to unintentionally dirty other peoples flooring.

I’ve had positive comments from guests re the small basket I put together that goes on the side in the kitchen that has anti-bac gel, hand cream, paracetamol and a tissue box for guests to use without needing to ask where they are.

@Moonlamp How many is the optimal amount of loo rolls to have out? Too few = bad host, too many and you're ostentatious, a drug dealer, or buying them all on credit cards and up to your eyeballs in debt. Me, I'm trying to work out a formula involving 'number of hours the party lasts' and number of guests (incl what sex they are).

• Soft drinks and chilled water easily available, with a stack of clean glasses
• Seating areas for all, but not altogether iyswim... I've spent a few parties perched precariously on a tiny footstool or trapped on a couch squished between people I'm not actually chatting with.
• Identify the socially awkward. Ask if they could do you a huge favour and just help out with something (trivial task eg unpack some tins of beer).

make sure the house smells nice with scented candles / wax melts

Not where you're eating, thanks. It overpowers the smell and taste of the food. And not everyone wants to be in a house that smells of artificial scents.

Maybe try not to be sarcastic to your guests if you ask them a question and don’t like the answer…

Agree about the scented candles / melts / air wick / artificial scents - my husband gets an instant headache at one of our relatives who uses all that stuff. Some people are really sensitive to it and can’t help it. I am not so sensitive but still find it quite off-putting. Otherwise, I find it nice when hosts have enough seats for everyone so I don’t feel left out, show me where the bathroom is, otherwise all you’ve mentioned is great. Taking coat straight away too.

We both know you’re not posh though? Not properly, because no one posh talks about cleaning and shoes off etc. It’s a tell.

However, if everyone you know takes their shoes off and eat dinner in socks then you all just go with that I suppose. It’s about making people feel comfortable and it sounds as though they will.

Why write this post then?! You’re obviously so clued up already…

I'm getting a candlelight suppers vibe.

Don't top up glasses. Someone might be having one small glass of wine only because they are driving, or trying to limit their intake.

Perhaps OP should just ask DH for etiquette tips.

Depending on your friends check your toiletries. I use a soap that is good for my psoriasis but it is made with lard so I warn guests and buy in vegi soap.

If someone is driving give them an empty glass and a bottle so they can have as little or as much as they want to drink.

Water on the table and water glasses.

Make things that can wait if your guests are late or you have to do something urgently (I once had to do a mad dash to a chemist after an incident with a bottle of champagne and a sword).

If you are opening champagne / cava with a sword, do it outside, wear goggles and have a first aid kit handy.

I have a drinks fridge near the table with various drinks including soft drinks guests can help themselves to.

Apparently I’m a great host because I pay attention.

You need a theme: ‘come for dinner with people you’ve never met’ doesn’t really appeal to many. But if you say ‘new house’, ‘birthday’, ‘card game night’, Burns night, Eurovision etc, people perceive it differently.

The minute your glass is empty I’m there with a bottle. If I noticed you liked the nuts, I’m there with a fresh little bowl.

I network quite well. So if I introduced you to Susan, I make sure you have something to talk about bar: how do you know BuddhaAtSea? I make sure I find a common ground between you two, or say: we were talking about independent bookstores/sea swimming etc, so people feel they’re not interrupting private chats. I know it’s normal and nothing special, but I pay attention to that especially, because I want people to feel looked after.

I’m a foodie. I shared meals with most of my friends, if not all, so I would say: I made the mushrooms especially for you, Mary, I know you like them. Don’t worry, John, I remembered you hate them, but I made fresh bread, am I forgiven?

I like people to feel like they contributed to a great night. So my friend who is a wine expert will get the recognition for her suggestions and the wine she brought. Another for the amazing dip she makes better than anyone in the world (it’s true, I’m not just saying that, that woman can condiment like a wizard!!)
You get the gist.
HTH

Spray furniture polish on your radiators. V cheap and a nice smell.

Put out a whole load of coasters on every available surface. If you don't, then there will always be that one person who finds Great Grandma's heirloom little table in the corner and puts their hot coffee cup on it.

Leave the kitchen bin in a visible position (not hidden away in a cupboard) and put at least one carrier bag beside it for recycling cans etc.

Remove all cat litter trays from sight.

Depends. If DH were an Old Etonian and ex-Buller, he could be more ‘set the curtains on fire and fuck a pig’s head on coke under the portico at dawn’ type than ‘fragrant wax melts and party in house slippers so as not to mark the carpets’.

Honestly this was meant to be a light hearted thread to get some ideas on ways to make guests feel special, not a debate around shoes on or off & judgement around social class.

Make sure it's warm enough. Went to someone's recently and it was just a little cooler than was comfortable.

Nice soap in the loo, extra hand towels in a basket, as well as the one on the rail. A pile of loo rolls available on an old posser handle, so they're tidy.

A choice of something non alcoholic and a bit special for the drivers/non drinkers, as well as nice bottled water.

All the lights on in the hall, stairs and landings, as the way to the loo is a bit complicated.

A side table to serve from and carve, if needed.
My table shrinks to the size of a stamp when we have guests, so it is really helpful to have this for puddings, fruit, cheese board, bowls, plates, extra cutlery bottles and jugs, etc, so that the table everyone sits round isn't too crowded but we have everything to hand.
It’s only a standard folding village hall type table but it is OK covered with a cloth, velvet curtain or even crepe paper.

If there's people that don't know eachother, introduce them properly

Let people help if they offer (and they obviously mean it) - I find it so awkward when the host clearly needs another set of hands but is insistent that they don't want any help

Low key music in the background

Tell people where drinks are so they can sort themselves out

House clean and smelling nice (but not overpowering)

Enough toilet roll, and a spray air freshener in the loo. Hand towels.

Make sure the house is warm! Cosy ambience, nice lighting etc, background music.

Bowls of nibbles eg crisps and peanuts. A drink station so people can top up their drinks, including soft drinks.

Make sure someone is taking their coats or that there's a clear place to put them. That's always awkward when you come to someone's house and have to balance your coat on the bannister on top of everyone else's because you don't know where else to put it and no one tells you!

Ignore the PP who made the comment about not being posh - anyone making comments like that is either an unpleasant snob or is insecure with their own social standing.

I think you sound like a great host - I like to have matching soap & handcream in the loo for guests to use. It’s a little thing but everyone always loves the hand cream

I love hosts who hand out the menu for the local indian/chinese restaurant and order in. It means I get to talk to the hosts instead of them flapping around in the kitchen for ages! And it totally takes the pressure off me when a return invitation goes out!

If someone opens a window it’s because your heating is set to Bahamas and there are too many people breathing the humid air.

Leave it open.

Not necessarily, it means one person feels that way.

I used to work in an office where the boss would do this every day and declare it was "so stuffy" and most of my colleagues had their coats on

DRINKS! Including a big water jug with ice and lemon so it looks appealing. If someone has an allergy/similar, a small cheeseboard separate from the other food so they know what they can have. I say this following an evening at my in laws with no drinks offered (even the wine we gifted) and no coeliac friendly food for DD.

If you do expect people to take shoes off (bit rude for me), don’t expect them to wear used slippers and preferably have underfloor heating and definitely clean floors. I’ve stopped going to houses because I’d come out with filthy socks and freezing feet after they made it clear they wanted guests to take their shoes off and it was quickly obvious my shoes were cleaner than their floors. We choose flooring that we know is hardwearing.