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Little things to be a great host

126 replies

Hostesstips · 27/12/2023 10:33

I’ve just moved into a house where I can finally host dinner parties etc and I really enjoy having people over.

Aside from the obvious like keeping glasses
topped up and making sure no one leaves hungry, what are the little things you do to make you a good host ?

For me, I like to dress the table nicely, have a box of slippers for my guests so they don’t get cold feet and make sure the house smells nice with scented candles / wax melts

OP posts:
CherryBlossom321 · 27/12/2023 12:25

A sparkling clean toilet. Nothing worse than a cruddy toilet. Also plenty of hand soap - I’ve been to a number of houses where there was no soap in the bathroom.

Hostesstips · 27/12/2023 12:28

@CherryBlossom321 completely agree !! Dirty loos make the question the hygiene when the host is cooking

OP posts:
Hostesstips · 27/12/2023 12:31

@bellabean01 thats a nice idea re allergies & sorry to hear your poor DD didn’t get gluten free food 😢

RE the slippers I would never force anyone to wear them (or take off their shoes) but they’re just an option. I agree re not wanting dirty socks, not nice !

OP posts:
bellabean01 · 27/12/2023 12:32

Also, ask “Red wine or white?” “Soft drink or something stronger?” “I’m making a vodka tonic, can I make one for you too?” “What can I get you to drink?” rather than “Would you like a drink?” so guests don’t feel they’re putting you out.

Chewbecca · 27/12/2023 12:49

Being a good hostess is all about making your guests feel relaxed and comfortable. So try really hard not to fuss, not to have a perfect table or fake smell (melts etc. make me feel sick too) - these things don't make your guests relax and feel at home.
It's all about preparation in advance, having everything by the table you might need.
Keep food generous, simple and delicious, make sure everything is fully prepped in advance and you can spend time with your guests. Nothing that requires any last minute prep.

taketheleap · 27/12/2023 12:50

I have a drawer that has spare travel sized shampoo, conditioners, new toothbrushes etc and if I have guests staying over, I always let them know if there's lots of bits they can help themselves to if they've forgotten anything.

Moonlamp · 27/12/2023 13:19

evtheria · 27/12/2023 11:41

@Moonlamp How many is the optimal amount of loo rolls to have out? Too few = bad host, too many and you're ostentatious, a drug dealer, or buying them all on credit cards and up to your eyeballs in debt. Me, I'm trying to work out a formula involving 'number of hours the party lasts' and number of guests (incl what sex they are).

• Soft drinks and chilled water easily available, with a stack of clean glasses
• Seating areas for all, but not altogether iyswim... I've spent a few parties perched precariously on a tiny footstool or trapped on a couch squished between people I'm not actually chatting with.
• Identify the socially awkward. Ask if they could do you a huge favour and just help out with something (trivial task eg unpack some tins of beer).

Just call me Hyacinth Loo-quet. Grin

Seas164 · 27/12/2023 13:38

Good lighting, good music, good drinks, relax.

GrandParade · 27/12/2023 13:43

Threads like this make me remember how many Mners really don’t like socialising, or having other people cross their thresholds to socialise. I suppose if you hate every second of it on the rare occasions you’re at other people's parties, it’s not going to give you much of an idea what might make having a party at your house enjoyable for other people, because the only thing that would make it enjoyable for you is cancelling.

Hostesstips · 27/12/2023 16:52

@GrandParade tbf I like having people over ! I was just after ideas to make it even better 😊

OP posts:
Moonshine5 · 27/12/2023 21:55

ReTrainTheBrain · 27/12/2023 11:25

I've only met two people who wear outdoor shoes in their house. Everyone else are shoes off people.
It's fine to make that assumptions if it's common in the circles you mix in.

Out of politeness I remove shoes but I hate doing it, probably most of my circle assume I don't mind.

theduchessofspork · 27/12/2023 22:02

Keeping your shoes on isn’t rude, it’s standard. You can ask of course but best to warn in advance because outfits.

If you only really host people you know anyway, I’m guessing you already get it right for your mates. But I’d agree with PPs that scented candles fight with food.

Other than that a relaxed atmosphere, warm but not too warm, a host that doesn’t disappear, well chosen wine, good mix of guests.. a cocktail to start is always nice.

ChristmasEvemaddness · 27/12/2023 22:06

Definitely shoes on for dinner party or lunch with out doubt.

ChristmasEvemaddness · 27/12/2023 22:08

I recently had some elderly people over and I couldn't imagine in thier general struggle with mobility and memory asking for shoes off on top!
Just getting them seated was a struggle.

But my Mil would not have tolerated shoes on no matter how infirm.

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 22:22

Some of this is just odd, spray furniture polish on your rads, don’t top up glasses, hand them all a loo roll?

op, if someone takes their shoes off, you can say oh, there are some slippers there if you wish, but don’t say it before they go to actually take them off the expectation is clear otherwise.

scented candles are fine, if you have them in the living room for drinks, then move through to the dining room. Where you can’t smell it and blow out before you move through.

do top up glssses, and constantly, but always ask first.

dont plate up, put serving bowls out on the table and let people serve themselves. Have plenty of everything.

do not clear till you’re sure everyone has finished and had their fill. Encourage people to habe seconds and offer.

have music in each of your rooms, we do this simply, the expensive Bose speakers are in the living room, but when we move through to eat, I just transfer via my phone and play the music through connected Alexa echo shows in the kitchen diner and hall so it’s fairly seamless. It should be audible, but not intrusive, I like playing jazz instrumentals ie no words.

give everyone drinks on arrival and have nibbles, Parmesan crisps, nuts , olives, and sit for a couple of drinks, an hour, before seating for dinner.

offer coffee and after dinner liquors, cherry brandy, lemoncello, when the meal is finished.

make sure your crockery , cutlery and glasses are up to scratch and you have enough and the right kind for each type of drink.

have jars of iced water out.

if staying over, put fresh towels in each room, clean bedding obvs, and ensure sufficient toiletries for them to use, small bottle of water in the rooms.

make sure you’re up first, or get up if hear someone getting up, offer coffee,

make breakfast for them before they leave, mid morning, I like to do scrambled eggs, mushrooms and either bacon or mushrooms, and some nice rolls, cheese ones always go down a storm, and tiger bread. Provide fresh orange and plenty of tea of coffee. So easy to do and quick.

Hostesstips · 27/12/2023 22:23

Gosh I hadn’t realized shoes on / off was so controversial! As I said I would never ask people to take their shoes off but it’s definitely my preference.

I only host friends or family and it’s either lunches or dinners so it’s no issue but I can see if it was a drinks party / people you didn’t know so well then standing around in your socks or bare feet could feel awkward.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 27/12/2023 22:27

A guest at a gathering I recently hosted brought flowers for me. We've not yet finished refurbing our house, so my vases were in storage. I was mortified not to have something suitable to put the lovely blooms into.

I'm sure you'd never be caught similarly short OP. But posting here has helped me to offload my shame!

BrightBaubles · 27/12/2023 22:29

Most successful hosting is when I use the slow cookers/ put the food on the hot plates so people can choose what and how much they want. I only then feel responsible for keeping drinks flowing.

Simplicity works best, leaving you more relaxed!

If people want to contribute, always ask for after dinner nibbles- cheese & crackers and nice chocs . Again, dessert taken care of and helps keep it a chilled atmosphere rather than you trying to impress.

ChristmasEvemaddness · 27/12/2023 22:30

I feel awkward in in-laws in my socks.
I'd rather have those blue plastic surgeon stuff on my shoes.

Moveoverdarlin · 27/12/2023 22:32
  1. Topping up glasses is a big one, I went to a family party yesterday and nursed an empty glass for hours.
  2. Asking open questions to all of your guests and using their names ‘What’s happening with work Jane? Last time we spoke you were considering going for a promotion’.
  3. Plenty of food
  4. Decent glassware, the right drink in the right glass.
  5. Don’t do the slipper thing, it’s cringingly naff. Like handing out flip-flops at a tacky wedding. Your guests are having dinner, not a pre-op, why do they need slippers on?
ChristmasEvemaddness · 27/12/2023 22:34

Because she doesn't like shoes.

Go pre op and offer plastic surgeon shoes, I'd much rather those.

ChristmasEvemaddness · 27/12/2023 22:35

Definitely music.
Being with guests.

NorthernGirlie · 27/12/2023 22:46

A lock on the loo door - missing in lots of houses, including my downstairs toilet 🙈 my guests are all regulars and know to sing / put someone on guard (must sort that ASAP!)

Tell me where empties go

Have enough seats

Guibhyl · 27/12/2023 22:52

Some things that have annoyed me as a guest (so do the opposite of this!):

when a host doesn’t offer drinks or top ups or - even worse - offers drinks to certain people but not others. It’s usually men who tend to do this, they will get themselves a beer and offer all the other blokes a beer too but none of the women. Or the same but with alcoholic vs non-alcoholic drinks - just because I’m not drinking gallons of wine doesn’t mean I would appreciate a drink of some sort! People also often say without thinking “oh would anyone like a coffee” without giving other options like tea or herbal tea and although I often say “no thanks but I’d love a tea please” it does make it that extra bit awkward.

I have a food allergy and I’m often not catered for or people haven’t bothered to look up what foods/dishes actually contain the allergen. I’ve had several meals served to me that I couldn’t eat. Make sure you ask people in advance and if they tell you about an allergy or dietary requirement, ensure they are properly catered for.

i don’t like it when people serve food extremely late. Not all of us are able to eat super late at night without seriously suffering the consequences! I’ve had dinner invites for 7.30pm but where everyone hasn’t arrived until nearly 8 and then we’ve spent over an hour having pre-dinner drinks so it’s gone 9pm before you even sit down for a starter. Or even later. Individual preferences differ but if it’s gone 10pm and you’re only just starting a main course then personally I think that’s just too late.

I also don’t like houses that are too cold (rarely too hot), have strong smells of bleach or artificial fresheners, have pet hair everywhere, where people let their pets walk all over or lick everything and everyone 🤢 or where the bathroom isn’t clean. Anything else is not that important.

Quitelikeit · 27/12/2023 22:55

Well according to the op her husband went to a fee paying school so knows a thing about footwear and posh houses 🤣🤣🤣

He must have married beneath him op if you need our help to get you up to speed on hosting

Anyway my tip is to simply spoil your guests with the best food and drinks available!