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Original poster

Little things to be a great host

126 replies

Hostesstips · 27/12/2023 10:33

I’ve just moved into a house where I can finally host dinner parties etc and I really enjoy having people over.

Aside from the obvious like keeping glasses
topped up and making sure no one leaves hungry, what are the little things you do to make you a good host ?

For me, I like to dress the table nicely, have a box of slippers for my guests so they don’t get cold feet and make sure the house smells nice with scented candles / wax melts

OP posts:
harriethoyle · 27/12/2023 22:57

Wax melts are gross and imposing communal slippers is utterly ghastly. HTH.

ChristmasEvemaddness · 27/12/2023 23:03

@Quitelikeit

I've been all over in all sort of houses.
Shoes off houses are only religious or cultural eg Austrian or japanse.

UK shoes off is de rehour and not the done thing.
We don't eat off floors it matters not one jot. It's embarrassing to put crap flooring before your guests.

Wednesday6 · 27/12/2023 23:04

I think the main thing is to have enough food/drink, make sure people are introduced to each other properly, keep an eye if anyone looks uncomfortable, show them around to where they can help yourselves with drinks/nibbles. Make sure people know what's going on, when the food is served, etc. music on.

ChristmasEvemaddness · 27/12/2023 23:04
  • spell cheek.

It's not de rigour.

Working class hang over

thomasinacat · 27/12/2023 23:08

Plan ahead and prepare, but don't stress if things go awry just before or during, everything doesn't need to be perfect for people to have a good time. Ask guests to pitch in and help if needed, they'll enjoy the relaxed mood. If you feel overstretched, delegate small things like handing nibbles out or sorting out drinks.

Pay attention as host to your guests' needs eg top up drink / food, or struggling to mingle and need a bit of encouragement etc etc, but also remember to relax and enjoy yourself too.

Right music for the mood you want, and lighting is important, as is seating.

As host don't be afraid to change the direction of conversation if one guest's conversation is too domineering / serious / inappropriate otherwise they will set the mood.

Something a bit quirky or fun especially for a group that don't all know each other well, perhaps a dinner party game.

TheChosenTwo · 27/12/2023 23:10

Honestly just have enough food and drink and a clean home. Pets kept away from me too but you don’t have any.
I always take my shoes off when I get home and so do the rest of my household but I don’t expect anyone else to, I have wood floors downstairs for a reason!

NashvilleQueen · 27/12/2023 23:16

Never put the big light on.

Don't get people too pissed. Nicely merry is the aim. Don't question why anyone isn't drinking, don't try and force them and have decent drinks for them.

NoBinturongsHereMate · 27/12/2023 23:46

Moveoverdarlin · 27/12/2023 22:32

  1. Topping up glasses is a big one, I went to a family party yesterday and nursed an empty glass for hours.
  2. Asking open questions to all of your guests and using their names ‘What’s happening with work Jane? Last time we spoke you were considering going for a promotion’.
  3. Plenty of food
  4. Decent glassware, the right drink in the right glass.
  5. Don’t do the slipper thing, it’s cringingly naff. Like handing out flip-flops at a tacky wedding. Your guests are having dinner, not a pre-op, why do they need slippers on?

No. 2 is a great way to make people feel as if they are talking to a sales rep.

Ironlights · 28/12/2023 00:28

Shoes off is such a dreadful request just awful, I honestly cannot imagine asking a grown adult to do that. I presume that most functioning 50 year olds will manage to wear shoes that aren't covered in mud or dog crap if they're coming to your house for lunch or dinner.

The rest of it all good advice

spriots · 28/12/2023 07:01

ChristmasEvemaddness · 27/12/2023 23:03

@Quitelikeit

I've been all over in all sort of houses.
Shoes off houses are only religious or cultural eg Austrian or japanse.

UK shoes off is de rehour and not the done thing.
We don't eat off floors it matters not one jot. It's embarrassing to put crap flooring before your guests.

I have also been in all sorts of houses in the UK, almost all have asked guests to take their shoes off.

I can't remember ever having a guest or visitor who didn't do it automatically - I don't even care that much because I have nice flooring 😅 I wouldn't insist if someone didn't do it but it feels like the norm to me.

Gardeningtime · 28/12/2023 07:21

Hostesstips · 27/12/2023 11:33

@TheSuggestedAmendment my husband went to one of the UK’s top independent schools and all of our friends still take their shoes off but thanks for the etiquette lesson 😂

If he genuinely did. Them he knows how to host. Why not ask him? He will also surely know asking guests to remove their footwear is ill mannered, and giving them some communal slippers really tacky. Unless of course for cultural or religious reasons where it is the norm. Or they come in wearing muddy or filthy footwear.

its very different to having tradespeople round, whose shoes can be very dirty from the work they do.

I think some people get so het up about no shoes they forget their manners. Most guests do not come to a dinner party in a pair of filthy shoes, instead wearing a good pair, that they just went out the house into a taxi/car in and out again into your home. Most people have hard flooring now which can be mopped, and any rugs or carpets, should be cleaned regularly.

i genuinely have been in all sorts of homes, there is no norm, but can honestly say the “posher” the less likely to be asked to remove your shoes.

Heyhoherewegoagain · 28/12/2023 07:30

I’d be interested to know the average age of shoes off v shoes on, as I have the feeling its probably a generational thing.

Im shoes on, as are the vast majority of my friends and family, amd am in my early 50s

spriots · 28/12/2023 07:38

Heyhoherewegoagain · 28/12/2023 07:30

I’d be interested to know the average age of shoes off v shoes on, as I have the feeling its probably a generational thing.

Im shoes on, as are the vast majority of my friends and family, amd am in my early 50s

I think that might be right too.

I think it's over 50s who seem more into keeping shoes on.

FiveShelties · 28/12/2023 07:48

spriots · 28/12/2023 07:38

I think that might be right too.

I think it's over 50s who seem more into keeping shoes on.

Show quote history

I am 67 and have always taken off my shoes as do all my friends. I would never ask someone to take them off though.

Gardeningtime · 28/12/2023 07:52

spriots · 28/12/2023 07:38

I think that might be right too.

I think it's over 50s who seem more into keeping shoes on.

Show quote history

I don’t think that’s right, I don’t think it’s an age thing, but someone who has a new home or new carpet.

fromhellsheartistabatthee · 28/12/2023 07:57

For anyone with sensitive skin, unscented hypoallergenic soap will be much more appreciated than the scented kind.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 28/12/2023 08:02

Definitely not shared slippers and no artificial scents. Your DH needs to up his game!

GingerKombucha · 28/12/2023 08:05

Lots of champagne and white wine easily accessible in wine glasses so people can easily top up - not back in the fridge. Nice non-alcoholic options that look festive, served in same champagne glasses. If people bring wine ask if they'd like it to be served - sometimes it's just a gift and sometimes they've chosen it as they'd like to share it with you.

Food good but stuff that can be fully prepped in advance so you're just serving up rather stuck in kitchen cooking. I like serving family style on the table so people can have as much of each dish as they want.

It inconveniences me but if you want to focus on being a good host, don't clean up until all have left and keep topping up glasses until guests are ready to leave. After pudding, put good cheese, chocolates, coffee, something like port and whisky on the table for people to help themselves to and nibble away at.

PARunnerGirl · 28/12/2023 08:15

Lots of good advice here especially around cleanliness (mostly obvious, hopefully!) and good setting, like music, clear spaces to put drinks/ plates down etc.

Surely shoes on/ off is home dependent?! We live rurally and floors are either stone or old oak that’s all marked anyway so shoes are fine on. If I had cream carpets or something then I think people would probably take their shoes off.

Having enough seats, or not inviting more people than you have seats for, is important if you are going to encourage people to sit down. Tbh I like kitchen gathering anyway ☺️

i always think how you ask people what they want can sort of set a mood. “Would you like a drink?” or “What time would you like to eat?” places just a little bit of pressure on a guest that doesn’t often come to your home. “I was thinking about making margaritas?! Or we also have loads of local beers and some nice sparkling juices …?” “I thought about 8ish for dinner? Or we could have another drink and stave off hunger with these twiglets a while longer” 😆

reasoningwithstupidity · 28/12/2023 08:23

GrandParade · 27/12/2023 10:37

Honestly? Don’t impose ‘shoes off’ rules (nobody wants to be circulating at a party in their socks or your house slippers) and don’t use artificial scents in the form of candles or melts — the latter give me, and a lot of others, a blinding headache/nausea.

Outdoor shoes in the house isn't something I'd want. 🤢

reasoningwithstupidity · 28/12/2023 08:30

Hostesstips · 27/12/2023 11:33

@TheSuggestedAmendment my husband went to one of the UK’s top independent schools and all of our friends still take their shoes off but thanks for the etiquette lesson 😂

🤣🤣🤣 sorry that made me laugh.

I can't fathom why people think it's acceptable to wear outdoor shoes in the house. It's so unhygienic and wiping them on a doormat doesn't magically clean or disinfect them. It dries off any wet/excess residue but the soles are still dirty!

reasoningwithstupidity · 28/12/2023 08:33

BuddhaAtSea · 27/12/2023 12:06

Apparently I’m a great host because I pay attention.

You need a theme: ‘come for dinner with people you’ve never met’ doesn’t really appeal to many. But if you say ‘new house’, ‘birthday’, ‘card game night’, Burns night, Eurovision etc, people perceive it differently.

The minute your glass is empty I’m there with a bottle. If I noticed you liked the nuts, I’m there with a fresh little bowl.

I network quite well. So if I introduced you to Susan, I make sure you have something to talk about bar: how do you know BuddhaAtSea? I make sure I find a common ground between you two, or say: we were talking about independent bookstores/sea swimming etc, so people feel they’re not interrupting private chats. I know it’s normal and nothing special, but I pay attention to that especially, because I want people to feel looked after.

I’m a foodie. I shared meals with most of my friends, if not all, so I would say: I made the mushrooms especially for you, Mary, I know you like them. Don’t worry, John, I remembered you hate them, but I made fresh bread, am I forgiven?

I like people to feel like they contributed to a great night. So my friend who is a wine expert will get the recognition for her suggestions and the wine she brought. Another for the amazing dip she makes better than anyone in the world (it’s true, I’m not just saying that, that woman can condiment like a wizard!!)
You get the gist.
HTH

My favourite advice of the thread!

Gardeningtime · 28/12/2023 08:37

reasoningwithstupidity · 28/12/2023 08:30

🤣🤣🤣 sorry that made me laugh.

I can't fathom why people think it's acceptable to wear outdoor shoes in the house. It's so unhygienic and wiping them on a doormat doesn't magically clean or disinfect them. It dries off any wet/excess residue but the soles are still dirty!

Show quote history

Disinfect them? Blimey, most flooring, inc carpets and rugs can be cleaned. The primary goal of a good host is to make your guests feel comfortable, and that includes what they wish to do with their footwear. You manage your homes cleanliness after, if the thought of a shoe on your flooring makes you react like this.

listsandbudgets · 28/12/2023 08:40

Make sure you have decent non alcoholic drinks available. lots of people can't/ don't drink or are designated driver etc. believe me sipping squash while everyone else quaffs wine is pretty miserable.

Have some easy alternatives available especially if hosting children.. " oh I'm.sorry I didn't realise Tarquin doesn't like coq au vin why don't I shove a pizza in the oven will only take 10 minutes"

Check food allergies etc. in advance you don't want to be suddenly confronted with someone like my DBs MIL with her gluten AND dairy allergies

over cater.. running out of food is embarrassing and you don't want any of your guests leaving hungry

ExpensiveDecorations · 28/12/2023 08:48

Most people I know start to take their shoes off but it is very normal for the host to say "no need, it's fine to keep them on" which allows guests the choice. I don't mind taking mine off for dinner but if I'm standing for hours at a drinks party in stockinged or bare feet it gets painful as I have plantar fasciitis. Floors can be cleaned easily enough. The only people I know who insist on shoes off for every day family visitors do not make that request when hosting parties (they are in their 80s so it's not necessarily an age thing).

No scented candles or loud music (very quiet in the background is nice). Drinks topped up after asking. Chat to guests, but I agree with avoiding the "sales rep tactics" of using names and obviously pre-thought of questions, it immediately puts people on guard.