Any other childless people finding it tough?

[DuvetLaundry]

Lying in bed having a cry because I desperately want a baby and a family.

Hi OP

Ive been where you are, big hugs today and all the harder days.

I don’t know your age or circumstances, but there is always hope of a family, possibly children, in some shape or form.
“Family” come in all sorts of forms these days.

Don’t lose hope xx

I am sorry you are having a tough time, it can be a tricky time of year.

Tomorrow can you try and think about the first step you can make to making this happen

No, not really. I was hoping to try in 2025 but dp thinks 2026. It seems a lifetime.

The matching pj pics aren't helping that's for sure.

Me! We lost a pregnancy at 12 weeks on Xmas day in lockdown (shittest Christmas ever) and DH has never been up to trying again even though we agreed we would (and now he is really too old for it to be fair, I'm not). Every single fucking thing we have watched in the last couple of days seems to have featured happy pregnancies/babies, plus all the social media posts etc, and I've basically been in tears on and off for the last week.

Hugs op and all who need them!

How old are you @DuvetLaundry ?

Why does DP get to decide on timeline?

@DuvetLaundry

I've been there many many Christmases before.

There is hope. I don't know your situation but my husband and I ended up having fertility treatment and we now have our son.

It seems impossible I know but reading stories of people who it finally happened for always helped me.

Don't give up hope.

Yes. Coming up to 3 years of trying, headed into 3rd IVF cycle in January. It’s always tough, but Christmas hits extra hard. Love to everyone going through similar.

I feel for you.just me and my hubby..

How old are you both? Unless you are both very young it seems unfair that your husband is stopping you having a child for another 2 (plus) years. Don't mean to be a Debbie downer but just remember that each month there is only a 20% chance of getting pregnant, then there's the chances of a miscarriage. If you want a child I'd say you just need to get on with it, you never know how long it may take!

Why's he wanting to wait so long?
Is he fully committed to the idea of having children?
How old are you both? If you're past 35, there should be no delay really

I’m 31 and he’s 35. We’ve been together 18 months and he talks about the future but now I just don’t know.

This all came to a head because I really thought he would propose yesterday, but he says it’s too soon.

I’m sorry to everyone else longing for matching pjs

Your DP would like to become a first time dad aged (minimum) 39? My DH is broken parenting early teen boys age 49. He’s very glad we didn’t leave it any later than 35 (in his case).

I’m really sorry you’re in this situation and I can see why you’d feel so sad. I do wonder, though, about a man who thinks 35 is too young to settle down and would be concerned about his commitment to you and a future family. Is your DP more mature in other areas of his life?

Duvet - it sounds to me like you feel sad because your dp is being a bit of a knob. Do you live together? Proposing isn’t something you can arrange. If you’ve discussed the fact that you want to get married then you are engaged imo, you just need to set a date! I don’t think you should get pregnant before marriage with this particular man, he sounds a bit flaky.

He seems to be delaying a lot of long term goals @DuvetLaundry . I think you both need to decide whether your both on the same page.
I have been where you are re babies and I get the gut reaching feeling. Also if you're leaving it til 2025 even if you conceive on the 1st of January you'll not have the baby until the end of the year.

You really need to be thinking what's right for you.

How old is he? We have fertility and our second was born when DH was 51. It is doable. I am not surprised be is maybe still traumatised by the loss. We have had two and one was at 10 weeks.

No, we live separately. I own my place and he wanted us to buy together next year. I need to tell him now that I’m not willing to sell up without a wedding date set.

Re age. That’s exactly how I feel. He just isn’t thinking it all through.

They’ve been together for 18 months. In the real world that’s not actually a very long time. He’s hardly delaying the long term goals. It seems more like the OP is rushing the goals. They need to get on the same page and communicate about things and their possible timeline. Sounds like the OP wanted a Christmas proposal and “it all came to a head” sounds like it was a Christmas argument instead.

You don’t even live with this man and you want him to propose and commit to trying for a baby?! It is really not a good idea to agree to marry someone who you’ve never lived with (which is probably how he feels - hence the lack of proposal)

We had Xmas dinner in separate places so argument avoided.

I don’t want to rush him and I am really wary of that.

does he have a house? Are you the higher earner? Is it him you want or a baby? I think you need to do some real thinking. It does sound like you aren’t yet in a stable situation to bring a baby into.

If you aren’t yet close enough to share Christmas then you aren’t ready for a baby. He is a boyfriend not a partner!

Hmm, does he have a property that he will sell to finance this new joint property?

since you don’t live together, however, a trial period of living together first might be advisable before buying together

And I think I retract my early statement of him being a knob! It sounds more like you just aren’t on the same page.