Am I doing Xmas wrong?

[newandconfused5]

Each year I get more and more disillusioned by Christmas.

For context I have 3 young children (8,4,1) and Father Christmas is still real in our house.

We do Christmas Eve boxes, sacks for present and a small stocking.
Budget was around £200 per child (ish)..

Please tell me what I am doing wrong.. the whole thing feels so stressful! We didn't even cook this year..

Buying/wrapping/hiding presents. Piles of presents that need a new home. Present hungry behaviour from crazed said children.

Piles of presents for nieces and nephews...

I'm so lost in Christmas materialistic present hell that it just doesn't feel right! But how do I get out of it with small children?

I felt like we had a good amount of presents this year.. but it still makes me feel sick about all the spending and stuff for one day!

Is it just my fault and I've focused on too much stuff over the years? Or does everyone feel like this?

I want my children to feel loved and happy on Xmas day and we do a few Christmassy things in the build up.. but they always get overwhelmed (and grumpy) by the end of it.

Is it just the age and stage of my children or am I missing something and doing this Xmas thing all wrong?

Thanks in advance and merry christmas!

Following as I feel the same.

Less stuff. Honestly.

Feel the same

Less stuff is the answer for sure.

But pulling back is tricky when there has been 'stuff' before.

I envy the 4 things rule or whatever it is. 4 things would be great. But with Father Christmas being everything in our house (another thing I didn't think through and the story just evolved that way!) I'm not sure how I would introduce that now?

Nice to know I'm not alone anyway!

Half your budget for a start.

Keep it simple.

Our Xmas goes like this:
7am - kids wake up. Go downstairs and check Santa has left. Start opening presents. Croissants for breakfast
Play with presents until nap time when toddler (and fussy eater has a nap).
Xmas dinner at 1pm (ready made Yorkshires and pigs in blankets cooked the day before and microwaved as small oven)
Then more playing and walk the dog
Then bed time

What keeps it calm is refusing to go anyway on Xmas day itself, and cutting corners with lunch. I'm happy to spend money at Xmas as this is when we get the bigger presents that we'll build on throughout the year (like brio/bikes etc).

Oh and Santa brings one present.

If you don't want to lower the budget buy less, but more expensive gifts they've asked for? My kids have loads of presents, but it's all stuff they'd use/need/play with

I felt like you last year at Xmas and I noticed a big change in DD this year which changed things a little.

When she came downstairs to open her stocking presents this morning, she stopped halfway and went to fetch a present for me and DH from under the tree because she wanted to give and I could see it gave her pleasure handing us gifts.

Weirdly, part of me felt a bit sad because it shows that she’s growing up. I find that egocentric stage that children need to go through in their early years really exhausting but also sad that it shows she’s getting older.

Through the day she’s been saying thank you and hugging us loads. She just wanted to play games and snuggle on the sofa watching movies.

I think because she’s getting older she’s starting to understand what it’s really all about and that the satisfaction comes from just being with loved ones and having quality time together.

When yours are older, it will grow and develop into that too.

I honestly do think that Xmas with younger children, although lovely - can be very stressful. It's so hard keeping the magic alive for them and puts unnecessary strain on yourself. However, we do it because it's magical for them.
My two are 17 and 10. I think my 10 year old 'knows' about santa but kept the magic up for me this year lol 😆 It does get easier and like others have said. Less is definitely more. I'm enjoying it more as they've got older as it's not as stressful.

I know what you mean. Spent roughly the same on each of my children and I was looking at their things today thinking “they don’t need all this stuff”. Going to be a lot more frugal next year (all year, not just at Xmas). They don’t need loads in Xmas eve boxes, loads of presents and even more presents in a stocking. Aiming to save a little more next year.

I'd stop the Christmas eve boxes. Totally unnecessary and just adds to the mental load and rampant consumerism.

We do small stocking presents and then everything else is either secondhand or really their main present (eg a camera). I asked relatives to donate to charities for them instead of gifts.

Honestly they just have so much stuff it makes me feel sick.

It might be harder to give less to the 8 year old but with the other 2 it should be very easy to lower expectations next year as they won't really remember.

We try to go quite hard on the "magic" but less on the actual stuff.

I'm also more frugal. They get PJs, something to eat, either chocolate or pringles and a drink for Xmas eve. We all then get a takeaway of our choice.
They can pick one or two main presents (Depending on cost) and then I get a few more other things. Usually 10 - 12 each wrapped. They have a stocking with a few items in there (unwrapped). We don't go mad as their nanas go a bit Bananas 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I think I'm OK with the level of presents, my DCs (8 and 6) have quite a lot but very very little of it is filler/throwaway crap because that does my head in.

However we hosted this year and it was just DH and I, DCs and grandparents (just three as only one on my side) but my 6yo really struggled, dinner was late and he was majorly HANGRY by dinner time, and so refused to eat, was generally grumpy and whining and kept saying shitty things. Then near bedtime burst into tears and said "it was too crowded" and that he "didn't know what to do" and clearly felt overwhelmed. I thought being at home would be nice but I think a few hours at grandparents then back might have been better. He said can we have a calm day tomorrow which is interesting as he's usually not a calm and quiet kinda kid.

It's such a huge build up for them, especially as school start doing Christmas raffles and fairs etc from November. I think I underestimated that for him and perhaps we underestimate it for ourselves too.

You can reduce it.

DS1 got 36 "proper" presents (toys not clothes) when he was 15 months old (we all went a bit bonkers as he was the first DC/GDC).

He is now 12 and got 8 presents in his stocking and 8 under the tree, including shower gel, body spray, socks, pants, chocolate etc. He is perfectly happy with what he got!

Its worth having a real clear out of their toys- DC play better with fewer toys. Then next year just get a few decents toys and definitely avoid the stocking filler crap.

Just prepare them (especially the 8 year old) - emphasising how much they already have, how lucky there are cos some children don't have many toys etc.

@PMTsickandtiredofyourshit How old is your Dd?

Yes I think you’re spending far too much money and trying far too hard to create magic and really just ending up buying stuff! I have no idea where this Christmas Eve box thing has come from - the US I am guessing - but it’s all so unnecessary and it’s just teaching the kids to be really materialistic and generating a lot of extra work and expense for you.

You're not alone. I have always loved xmas growing up but now I have kids its just stressful and im glad when it's over. Xmas has become too much these days. The build up and the masses of presents (I blame myself for this as i do buy too much but think there is a pressure from society to do this) so I find that from xmas day and the days that follow they are on a massive come down. I dread the school hols at xmas every year as it's always hard work yet you feel this pressure to enjoy every minute with your kids because 'its Christmas' I expect it gets easier as they get older (I hope!) but then perhaps not as magical so maybe I'll miss the chaos in years to come!!

3 DC here with similar age gaps.

Regift! We put DC1's old stuff in the loft and it comes out nearly new to be regifted to DC3 🙂

No Christmas Eve boxes here. Presents are for Christmas day only. No one had a Christmas Eve box when we were growing up, when did this creep in?

Be very firm with relatives. ONE GIFT PER CHILD only.

Second hand as far as possible.

Presents can be "upgrades" rather than totally new stuff. We just got DC3 light up wheels to improve his existing second hand scooter.

We still have far too much stuff, but this is our best attempt to keep a lid on it!

I have kids with various special needs and anxiety issues, and I keep a firm lid on Christmas buildup at home. That means no advent calendars, no countdowns, no massive changes to decor apart from one room in the house. No endless discussions or watching Christmas movies all month. I'm not a grinch, but I keep it as low key as I possibly can at home - school hypes them up enough as it is.

We do the 4 things (wear, read, want, need) at home, but they get loads more stuff at their dad's. We've never done Santa and it's never been a problem.

The last few weeks of term are hard enough for all of us as it is, without the added stress and bother of extra Christmas jobs. Christmas eve is buffet style frozen food, Christmas day is a slightly more fancy roast dinner. No expectations for enforced family time or socialising, I literally said to my teens today that they don't need to feel forced to socialise tonight if they don't feel up to it.

I've pared back and tweaked my approach over the years, you can too. If what you're doing isn't working for your family, just stop. Do what feels right. You're the one in charge here, it isn't some out of control xmas juggernaut or something. Change things for next year.

I did feel like this year I had reduced it, it just feels like so much.
I had a clear out before Christmas and was thinking I am moving toys on to make room for new toys!
I also had a similar thought whilst buying various storage boxes.. when I thought, I'm buying plastic boxes, to put my plastic toys in, so I can make more room for more toys!
(Disclaimer I am conscious what I buy and we try to buy as many wooden toys and recycled plastic toys etc).

There wasn't much tat for my kids this year.

I think maybe now I have three is feels like mountains of toys! Family are really generous too so it's even more! I did managed to convince my Dad to buy us a family season ticket this year for our present, which he did.. but still gave the children presents on top!!

Arghhh!

I think the suggestion of a few conversations with the older children before Xmas next year is a good idea, and maybe think about a number of presents rather than budget?..

I don't know, I want to keep the magic and the impact.. but I want to stop it all!

I think if you are overwhelmed by all the stuff, they will be too.

Xmas eve boxes can just be PJs they can use all year round.

Xmas day can be paired down with fewer more thoughtful gifts.

Stockings don't need to be a big "thing" at your kids age mine just had a chocolate Santa, a small toy, and one of those little blind bags you can pick up in Smyths for whatever theme they were into that year. Oh, and those flannels that grow once in water along with fluffy socks. All together cost about £6.

Stocking and gifts combined come to around 10 items each and although I budget £200 I spent around £120 ish.

@Freetodowhatiwant

can you explain how a Chrustmas box makes children materialistic?!

& how it's generates work & expense?