Am I doing Xmas wrong?

[newandconfused5]

Each year I get more and more disillusioned by Christmas.

For context I have 3 young children (8,4,1) and Father Christmas is still real in our house.

We do Christmas Eve boxes, sacks for present and a small stocking.
Budget was around £200 per child (ish)..

Please tell me what I am doing wrong.. the whole thing feels so stressful! We didn't even cook this year..

Buying/wrapping/hiding presents. Piles of presents that need a new home. Present hungry behaviour from crazed said children.

Piles of presents for nieces and nephews...

I'm so lost in Christmas materialistic present hell that it just doesn't feel right! But how do I get out of it with small children?

I felt like we had a good amount of presents this year.. but it still makes me feel sick about all the spending and stuff for one day!

Is it just my fault and I've focused on too much stuff over the years? Or does everyone feel like this?

I want my children to feel loved and happy on Xmas day and we do a few Christmassy things in the build up.. but they always get overwhelmed (and grumpy) by the end of it.

Is it just the age and stage of my children or am I missing something and doing this Xmas thing all wrong?

Thanks in advance and merry christmas!

Our Christmas Day was very calm- all bar one that was horrible because we didn’t pre set up the tablet so she could play immediately. She just combusted.

We do stockings together when they wake up.
Breakfast
Church
(A present here if dinner is late or DC particularly desperate).

Starter
crackers
dinner
washing up

presents
play
cake
christmas tv
bed.

They knew I needed to cook, and that we need to be together to open presents.

Once you set the expectation that we do things together to be fair and kind, then everyone can wait for everyone else and happily pitches in to help.

We only did immediate family on the day- that left extended family for the following days so the Christmas fun went on and on.

Honestly, reframe it. It will work when you move the focus away from Father Christmas delivering masses of gifts towards enjoying it as a family.

Christmas magic is not overexcited children tearing into ever bigger piles of expensive tat.

It's just the 8 year old that will remember previous Christmases. I think you could scale back Xmas eve boxes. Change it to a book and PJ's for Xmas eve maybe. Stockings from Santa can just have stuff like chocolates and tangerines , and then cut back the gifts in terms of quantity.

Make sure kids know that most gifts are from actual people,not Santa, so they don't think they magically appear.

Agree less stuff, that’s a really big budget. I think I spent less than £200 on all gifts…. For family and nieces and nephews. Maybe £250 as we do a family secret Santa.

we do December gift - but it’s just a Christmas themed book and Christmas pjs. I spent less than £10 each for them. They don’t need much at all. I gift buy my ones with something they want, something they need, something to read and something to wear. Then we do stockings which is just little things, useful bits and some fun bits but nothing super expensive!!!

Present reducing will automatically mean you have a bigger budget for other experiences in the year and spread it out so prevents overwhelm. Also less stuff to find a new home for! But it’s not easy making a change at all. We had a couple of massive Christmas’s when they were babies and I got fed up pretty quickly as our house is simply too wee and they barely touch 90% of their toys x

That's a lot of toys and money. Do they get stuff all year too or just at Christmas? E.g. if they need a new bike / new goals, would that wait until Christmas?

This is interesting:
www.livingwellspendingless.com/took-kids-toys-away/

We spend a little over half what you do per child and it still feels like plenty! Although I do tend to gift some clothes - normally things they will like, not just stuff they need (eg pyjamas I know they’ll like, character socks, etc). That does bulk out the pile and they would be getting it anyway, if you see what I mean. I aim for them to have a roughly equal number of presents and cap spending at around the same amount. Not helped by DC2 having a birthday in January!

What does help is that DC1 is 8 and this is the first year he hasn’t asked for any “toys”. As they get older, they are more likely to ask for fewer things as well, I reckon - such as tech. So some of it may naturally peter off. My two are present-obsessed at the moment.

I do think it is unhelpful that the build-up begins so early for Christmas. Mine have been talking about it since mid November. They were on the ceiling by Christmas Eve!

The expectation of boxes and toys and stockings and a lot of money being spent. It’s just too much. The OP has said themself, the kids now expect it. Even using the word materialistic. It’s all a bit over the top. That’s the whole reason the OP has posted.

3 kids one being a baby, of course it's stressful. I'm sure it'll get easier in a couple of years.

I find they get overwhelmed with the sheer amount. We all cut down on presents this year (GP, us, santa) and it's been fine, a bit calmer and they are playing more with what they got.

I think it's important to get one decent santa present though as the question is always asked "what did santy bring you?". A book sounds a bit boring!

Oh sorry the above was in reply to @MulledWineBeMine who was asking if I could explain why it could make the kids materialistic. The addition of a Christmas Eve box is just unnecessary.

DD was 5 when she realised that she doesn't get presents from us. We were out shopping for a gift for the grandparents and she turned to me and said "what do I get from you".

So we moved to giving her some presents from us, which can be practical as well as fun, and Santa presents from her wish list (unless Santa decided them not suitable and would sent a reply letter, he doesn't bring electronics, live animals or vouchers).

Stocking presents are presents she would get anyway but are small enough for the stocking.

No Christmas Eve box, grandparents give one present she can ask (around €20) for as they prefer to add to a savings account during the year.

Stop giving presents to extended family like nieces and nephews,aunts and uncles.

Stop sending Christmas cards to people you don't see/don't care for.

Recycle toys with other parents or charity.
( I was given a play kitchen for my girls and a playgarage for my boys one year)

Stop Christmas eve boxes etc etc.

Stick to a budget ( mine was £20 per child as I have 5 kids)

Tell them all there's going to be less stuff as this isn't what Christmas is about.

Take them to church to get the real message across.

I think the issue here is santa doing all the gifts.

We have always done 2 or 3 gifts as santa and the big main gifts as being from mummy/daddy etc.

I also found when dd was very little that pacing the day helped, so stocking dome upstairs in bed, then come downstairs for the "magic reveal".

Dd was then allowed to open her santa gifts before breakfast. Then she would play til nap time, then we would do a couple of gifts whilst lunch finished cooking lunch. Eat lunch then rest of gifts followed by slobbing out with toys/film.

Spreading the crazy certainly saved my sanity!!

We also do a Christmas eve box as it helps calm the hyper. She would get pj's, a film, hot chocolate a picture book and some sweets.

Father Christmas only brings one gift plus stocking.

All other gifts are from people so go under the tree.

Roast dinner no different than any Sunday bar turkey versus chicken/beef.

Keep it simple.

I have a 4 and a 1, and spent so much less this year. The kids got 7 tree gifts (including a first bike/scuttlebug, both second hand), and about 8 stocking gifts including chocolate coins and fruit. Absolutely no filler for the first time, and oldest actually almost finished opening his gifts this year (we're fine taking days if they're busy playing). Youngest could probably have done with even less, and she was the cheaper one!

You can make a lot of magic with glitter and carefully chosen things to treasure.

I’ve only ever spent more than £100 per child if there was a special gift like a bike. You really need to cut back as in years to come your youngest will have all the hand me downs from you oldest so you will run out of space!

Honestly we used to get too much for Christmas (not a boastful post, I think my parents felt the same). I guarantee that reducing it will be fine. More than fine.
What do or ‘did’ you enjoy about Christmas previously? Is it just you doing everything? Do you sit and put your feet up, actually enjoy it?

Your kids will love seeing their whole family happy ans in the spirit of it all.

Mine are all older now but there was a website called portable North Pole where your child (with your help) could write an email to Santa, asking for 3 gifts. If they aren't going I'm sure there's something similar.
In our house, usually, but not always, Santa would bring one, I would buy one and their Dad or Grandparents would buy the third.
Anything else was a bonus. Of course we had extra parcels ( books, socks, arts and crafts etc when tiny, earphones and digital mice etc as they got bigger). and Christmas Eve PJs and hot chocolate but three main gifts was the norm, rather than a huge heap.
All kids go through a slightly unaware greedy phase, but they'll grow out of it. Don't worry. Xxx

Christmas Eve boxes are quite simple in our house. Pjs (not always Christmas), book (which is the same book every year- ''twas the night before Xmas') reindeer food (that we make together and out into a tube), hot chocolate, chocolate Santa and a new teddy (which is the extravagant part I suppose) and a Xmas decoration.

We try and do the panto every year (which is bloody expensive)
Xmas lights somewhere
Christingle church service & the Christmas Carole service in our church too.

I would love to start to pace the presents throughout the day. We have tried to do a bit of that this year, but it has resulted in a lot of nagging from the kids.

Im not sure how I would introduce parent presents now as Santa has always brought everything.
I do suspect that this could be the last year for my 8 year old to believe in Santa, they asked a lot of questions this year!. So maybe I could introduce this to the younger ones next year.

It ends up being months and months of thinking about 1 day, saving, planning, buying, wrapping.. and why?! We're not particularly religious. Im super busy and have other things I need to do!
Hoping that things get easier as the children get older!

@Freetodowhatiwant

Well, I still disagree with you. A Christmas Box doesn't make children materialistic. You attitude as a parent makes your children materialistic or not, not whether they have a CE box.

Thank you everyone for your suggestions!
I think I'll take a month or two to decompress and then have a good think about next year..

Merry Christmas everyone!!

We don’t go nuts with stuff for our kids and I still find xmas awful. There is no magic at all.
They get a stocking and 1 small present from Santa. 2 or 3 presents from us and then family gifts which aren’t necessarily here on xmas day.
We usually travel to family for xmas and I foolishly thought this was the problem so this year we stayed home and hosted grandparents but it was still just as awful.
Rude show off kids arguing and throwing tantrums every 5 seconds. Trying to please everyone. No time to relax. Just utterly relentless. Every year I think it’ll be better this year and it never is. I hate it

Probably a good plan.

My dd is 10 and still believed this year although she did recognise her dad's handwriting on "santa" gifts, I try hard to disguise or get other people to write them.

It is months in the making, but the magic only lasts such a short time. Ultimately they won't remember the gifts in 30 years, but they will remember the magic and they will recreate it for their own kids. You are laying the foundations for the future.

It does sound like you have a lot going on outside of christmas specifically though. Is this part of a wider issue?

Sit down with your oldest one next autumn and ask what for him/her is important. With 9, they do have a good incline about preferences.

Also, understanding money, you can have a good discussion about presents and esp. if they stop believing.
We had years where DD only asked for small stuff and then years she got a phone or tablet, so a budget only makes sense so much.
Primary school years are often the cheapest ones.

It doesn't take the magic away, DD is now 16 and we still have fun about leaving out a drink and food for Santa and writing a list (sent by email to me now).