Why are people who like nice things considered snobs?

[jintyjill]

From conversations I’ve had this Christmas with family, apparently the following makes you a snob:

1. Preferring £8 a bottle wine to a £4 a bottle wine.
2. Choosing to work in a profession.
3. Choosing to live in London rather than the ex-mining village you were born in.
4. Liking holidays overseas that are not on the Costa Del Sol.
5. Shopping at Ocado/M&S Food/ Sainsburys rather than Tesco or Aldi.
6. Investing in good quality clothing rather than lots of similar Marks & Spencers.

Do you see what you've done there?

You can say you like the £8 bottle of wine...you didn't need to say rather than the £4 one.

You can say you like living in London without saying rather than the ex mining village.

You can say you like Tuscany or wherever without slagging off the Costa del sol.

That's the difference.

Yes! For me I get The Judgement by choosing to wear wool and cashmere (all from charity shops?!). Or having one very good quality bag (not even a designer one, just a well made one), rather than ten cheaper ones. Or eating houmous 😂

Also things like choosing things which are better and more useful for the situation, rather than just "making do" with something that's probably ok but not quite good enough eg. Why spend THAT MUCH on a phone?! Or why buy a bath that fits the room, when XY said he would give you his old one and you could make it fit the room Etc.

It's hard to explain, it's a kind of jealousy mixed with genuine disbelief that others make different choices or want to see more of the world. Suspicion of new experiences.

I think it's envy, OP. And it's vile.

I do think some people revel in loudly stating they don't like XXX or wouldn't dream of eating / buying XXX when often times they wouldn't be able to tell the difference without the packaging.

It's a form of virtue signalling in a way; if you do prefer certain things there's a level of tact that you should be aware of is necessary, otherwise you can veer into being downright offensive.

I do think some people revel in being a snob and feel like it makes them a better person TBH. Looking down their noses at others is never nice.

That said it's fine to prefer nicer things provided you don't make out what others enjoy to be inferior in comparison.

Errr this post does make you sound like a snob though.

Most people like nice things even if they can't often afford them! It depends how you express yourself as to whether you come over as a snob.

"I really enjoy Chateau de Thingummy wine' - fine
"I don't drink any wine that's less than £50 a bottle" - snobby

"I love living in London" - fine
"I could never live in a ghastly northern shithole" - snobby

Good luck on finding a £4 bottle of wine.

It’s the presumption the cheaper option is the worst. £££ doesn’t = better often.

Excellent point well made

I got the impression OP was paraphrasing what family have actually said about these things, not what she would compare them to IYSWIM? Happy to be corrected though..?

Tribalism

This is a thing. I know, from research and personal acquaintances, that there are people who come from some family and social backgrounds, like the one OP describes, who end up being alienated from family when they get qualifications and more 'professional' jobs. The family seem to regard them as no longer 'belonging', no longer being like the rest of the family. Its almost as if the family feels betrayed.

Is this happening to you OP?

I appreciate nice things and I like other people who like nice things. I don't think that's snobbish. What's snobbish is looking down on people who prefer (or can only afford) the less refined things in life.
I could enjoy a holiday in Tuscany. That's not snobbish. Sneering at my neighbours who went to Bebidorm is snobbish.

It's fear and resentment that you managed to get out of your former mining village and they didn't.

Yes, and in my experience it’s the people familycalling you a snob that are making the comparisons.

Visiting relatives yesterday in the town I grew up in and a cousin made several comments implying that I must think I’m “slumming it” being back in XXXX and how surprised she was that the local pub food (where we were planning to go for tea on the way home) was “up to your standards”.

All I’ve done is move to a village 25 mins away 🤷‍♀️

It’s their own insecurities or feelings of inadequacy.

Lol

Quite. If said wine existed £3.98 of it would be packaging, transport, vat and import duty and the 2p actual wine.

Yes . Like crabs in a bucket . Try and get out you get pulled back in . Done are strong , keep going and get out .

I agree it's more about putting you in your place and virtue signalling, it's not envy. Just try and avoid those subjects if possible and count the minutes until you can leave

It’s inverse snobbery and it is normally because the quoter feels inferior or thinks they are being looked down on.

I had inverse snobbery from one set of people and all the things they criticised were big financial things, things they had no hope of achieving or acquiring, without winning money. Not stuff like wine. They were the stayed in small town folk too, fwiw, and I had not said a word about their possessions or status. However it all comes out in conversations when you talk about what you have done, living arrangements, holidays etc…some people do not like it when you have surpassed them. However if you are really easy to surpass, it’s inevitable.

It's the way you present it, it's about liking the nicer thing (I very much like the nice thing) without saying/implying the other thing is rubbish.

The chances are that deep down, others would like your 'nicer things' but if they can't have them for whatever reason, then you're making them feel bad.

Although some people are also just Martyrs and could well have the nice thing, but for some reason don't on principle.

You sound like you thing your choices are considerably better than yowrs though

• Preferring £8 a bottle wine to a £4 a bottle wine.
Still a cheapskate

• Shopping at Ocado/M&S Food/ Sainsburys rather than Tesco or Aldi.
Agree OP. Nothing snobby at all about buying M&S ready meals when you could just buy the ingredients in Aldi.

• Investing in good quality clothing rather than lots of similar Marks & Spencers.
Top tip. Wear clothes and invest in things that are likely to rise in value over time. And I say that as someone who wears a lot of cashmere and a 1960's wool coat.

According to some people, not buying eggs from caged hens is also snobby 😳

Sorry if I don't see the value in buying 30 eggs for €5 at the cost of the chickens living horrible, miserable lives! ... If only buying free range eggs is snobby, I guess I'm a snob!

The thing is I’m nit getting the feeling that the OP is SAYING a £40 bottle of wine is better. She just enjoys a wine that happens to be more expensive.
She never said the place is was born in is a shit hole. She just lives in london etc…
Actually, she didn’t say the is doing all those things herself, just that it makes someone a snob.

And fwiw, I’ve encountered that sort of behaviour too.
You say ‘oh I really like wine A’. Or ‘I prefer wine A to wine B’ and suddenly you’re a snob because wine A is more expensive.
And tbh it’s a shit attitude. I have no issue with anyone having different tastes than me. But i don’t want be judged on my tastes.

@ancientnames yep.
Fully agreed tyere.

There's a very similar thread on here , where OP says the TV is kept on where she is visiting and the wine she brought has been squirrels away.
op be kind,, but not patronising, respectful to people who havnt had your life chances.

Humble up and get some Christmas spirit in your heart.

Why do you think you're better than them just because you have different opinions and buying power?
Agree it doesn't sound easy for any of you there but fgds make the best of it.