Why are people who like nice things considered snobs?

[jintyjill]

From conversations I’ve had this Christmas with family, apparently the following makes you a snob:

1. Preferring £8 a bottle wine to a £4 a bottle wine.
2. Choosing to work in a profession.
3. Choosing to live in London rather than the ex-mining village you were born in.
4. Liking holidays overseas that are not on the Costa Del Sol.
5. Shopping at Ocado/M&S Food/ Sainsburys rather than Tesco or Aldi.
6. Investing in good quality clothing rather than lots of similar Marks & Spencers.

There's a difference between someone who says:

"I've brought this bottle of wine because it's one of my favourites"
and
"I've bought an £8 bottle of wine because the £4 bottles are undrinkable."

It's a bit like I've noticed that most people say "oh I'm going to the shops/supermarket". People who use Waitrose seem to say "I'm going to Waitrose". Ditto Audi/Mercedes drivers: they aren't getting into the car, they're getting in "the Audi" etc.

It's when people are highlighting that their choice is more expensive/more pretentious that it comes across as snobby.
"I just had to get this dress it was such a good offer, it was down to £200" = "I want you all to know I paid £200 for this dress", for example.

Inverse snobbery OP. I don't experience it anymore but I remember some classmates from my home town were like this. They used to take the piss out of me because I was a good student, some would blank me because they were too cool and wouldn't be seen talking to me but when I got into a good university and moved away then came home it was like I suppose you think you are better than us now. And then accused me of being snobby because I wasn't running over to talk to them, although they had never once been friendly. Can't win with some people, rise above it. Very tough if its family though

My family are like this to some extent so I just don't mention what things cost or where I've got them and conversations are kept low brow as it's not worth getting into anything deeper, they're not stupid or ill informed, they just don't care much.

A pp mentioned the make do mentality, so familiar - 'why have you bought that I've got one in the shed you can have' (yes, old, rusted, needs new parts).

Whenever I see M&S mentioned it makes me laugh as that's considered posh and overpriced by my family.

Everyone likes nice things, not everyone can afford nice things. You not understanding that is what makes you a snob, you bloody idiot.

Love, a shires born, Waitrose shopping, non Costa Del Sol loving fellow traveller, who isn’t a bloody idiot.

Preferring £8 a bottle wine to a £4 a bottle wine - The UK government charges £2.23 per bottle of wine in excise duty regardless of the final price of the wine. On top of that, there is 20% VAT. Add in packaging and logistics and the value of the wine in a £4 bottle is pennies and not worth drinking. So preferring an £8 bottle menas that you are more likely to get wine that is drinkabe. It is nothing to do with snobbery.

I live in an ex-mining village (London born and bred though) and work in a profession.

I dislike busy over touristy areas to holiday in

Number 5 is pure snobbery at its finest

Nothing wrong with M and S, so snobbery there as well

.......and there you have it.

Plenty of places you can get a bottle of wine for £3.99.
But plenty on MN love to sneer at that, and pretend they are completely unaware, or just generally mock and look down on people who are quite happy with that.

Tbf I think there are people who'd consider an £8 bottle of wine no better than drinking varnish remover.

There are levels to all of this. I'm not above a Primark shop but would never consider for a nanosecond living outside of London.

I also wonder how/where all these conversations take place, people don't know these things about you unless you tell them explicitly. I've no need to make casual chit chat about where I do my foodshop because absolutely no-one cares.

There are levels to all of this. I'm not above a Primark shop but would never consider for a nanosecond living outside of London.

Having grown up in London and worked there for a couple of years I would never consider for a nanosecond going back there to live.

I don't know that that is true TBH. Different strokes for different folks. For example, I love humble things, I love a bargain and I am very happy to have a small house that is easy to maintain in an unsexy area. it's not always from a place of jealousy.

The thing I don't really get is why people want to stay in their little box. Isn't life about expanding and growing? Things that were to your taste in your 20s shouldn't really be the same in your 40s. Because you grow and mature as a person.

For me it isn't even really about staying stuck in a small town or spreading your wings. But it seems to go that way. So my theory is some people are scared of change. They are comfortable as they are, so if you change then you are the problem. You are now a snob who is ashamed of your roots. But it isn't that at all. You've just changed and grown and they haven't.

I know some of my family think I've gone the same way. But I don't look down on them at all. If they feel that, then that is their insecurities and fear of change.

I can pretty much promise you I'm nowhere near as embarrassed saying that than how I felt as a kid.

I like nice carpet and flooring...because we had a 3rd hand piece of carpet that stunk of cat piss and you couldn't take your shoes off because your socks would end up either black or black and red from slicing your foot open on something like a random piece of glass, a nail or random bit of metal before you got a punch in the side of the head for bleeding everywhere.

I like a nice sofa...because I had to sit on the floor with the animals as I didn't deserve a seat.

I like nice ingredients like olive oil, butter and good quality chicken...because I was so poorly fed that I stopped growing.

I like nice bedding...because I remember how cold I got at night and how it made me itch (although some of that would have been down to fleas, rather than scratchy nylon).

I like nice clothes...because I didn't have a coat for years and I had the piss taken out of me at school for being scruffy and dirty

I like nice shoes...because I didn't have a choice about what size I was given and would have blood pouring into them.

I like nice toiletries, because I wasn't allowed to wash more than once a week and was nicknamed Greaseball at school.

So yeah, I like nice things. And anybody who looks down on me for having the balls to say that actually, I am worth having nice stuff and I do deserve to be comfortable, clean, warm and safe, can fuck right off.

Haha to me m and s IS splashing out on good quality clothes but I see that's on your crap / common list.

Also it's hard to comment when it's a bullet point list as we don't know the context or how you brought these things up. If you went on and on about Ocado and said you couldn't stand the thought of Aldi then of course that's snobby. It's all in the delivery.

I once worked with someone who described her flight (she was used to business) as 'slumming it in economy class', so rude and unnecessary.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

Totally get what you are saying esp about the bedding . I didn't get my own bed until I was 12 had to share with 2 sisters one who would piss the bed every night , so I adore pure white clean smelling sheets and Dorma bedding . Let's face it we're in a bed for up to 8 hours at a time so why not . I like nice things and anyone who says they don't is a liar .

@NeverDropYourMooncup you just broke my heart. I'm so glad you have nice things now. You absolutely deserve them all.

@Allwelcone

I wasn't comparing him to his family by saying he had made something of himself. I meant with that kind of background it would be easy to fall into darker places. Drugs alcohol etc. often people with these issues have an unfortunate back story. Dh has always called himself 'wounded' by his childhood. Not only because of the dynamic we are discussing on this thread but that plays into it.

Talking about reverse snobbery above, it reminds me of my mil, the one who left her lowly husband for a high powered career. It's a strange acquired snobbery. Her middle-class dom (I hate the middle/working class thing but it works as a shortcut here) was 'earned' later in life. She got her degree in her late 20s. She has always been the biggest snob (in the traditional sense) I know, like she can't possibly be interested in anything low brow incase people figure out she's pretending or something.

No pop music, only classical
No comedy acts only Shakespeare
No softplay only stately homes
No drinking (for her or anyone with her) until 6pm and it has to be wine, no beer or cocktails. Dh couldn't learn the guitar, it had to be violin or piano. Holidays MUST be to historically significant places not the beach.

All the unacceptable stuff is spoken about with a little gasp of horror and a 'can you believe it he had a..BEER...it wasn't even 3PM yet, I didn't want to see him after that'

It reminds me of the cliche about poorer families decking their children out in expensive brands and new clothes while richer families use grubby hand-me-downs. Less to prove or feeling they can get away with it more, less stigma or whatever.

Because people feel criticised by your expressed choices. I like nice things - like everyone? I can afford to buy them so I do - is that snobby? Maybe, maybe not but I really don’t care.😂

I think it’s ingrained into some people to always go for the cheapest version of something even when they can afford more, and then they take it as a personal criticism against their judgement if you don’t agree that the cheapest version of absolutely everything is just as good. At least I seem to have a couple of relatives like this!

We always call economy - cattle class or slumming it - from our pockets we have never paid for anything else. It’s a joke.

👏

I pick up extras from m&s and Waitrose but my big shop is delivered by Tesco each week as the app is extremely easy to navigate…are the snobs in the village looking down at me 👀👀👀 oh my

and if I’m not buying undies for my teens from m&s where should they be coming from???

@ConnieCroydon blimey - are you me! I live in Bath too. I am also from an ex midlands mining town originally and I don't look down on people at all- we all have the best life we can within our respective budgets-but I do find though there is plenty of inverse snobbery going down- it's ok for them to take the piss- but god forbid if I did

You can say you like Tuscany or wherever without slagging off the Costa del sol.

op said she preferred this to that, I can’t see where she slagged of the mining village, the Costa de sol or Lidl

It is more expensive than Tesco and Asda.

In regards to taste and quality of products it depends on what exactly you are buying.

I have a range of supermarkets that are easy to get to and apart from Tesco they all seem to have an area of speciality.