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Original poster

Just shouted and sworn at my baby :(

60 replies

Christmasconcerts · 21/12/2023 05:33

She woke at 1, fed her and that was fine. Then she woke at 4. Her nappy had leaked so changed her and just took her in bed with me but she wouldn’t settle, making those shouty noises that aren’t crying exactly but noisy and worried she’d wake other child, squirming and rolling around and I do obviously know it wasn’t aimed at me but kicking, grabbing me, scratching, hair pulling. Two hours of trying to shush her and I just lost it.

DH has her now but I feel horrible. I can’t even sleep as so worked up :(

OP posts:
MargotBamborough · 21/12/2023 05:35

Don't beat yourself up about this. Sleep deprivation is terrible.

Temporaryname158 · 21/12/2023 05:36

I think you needed to seek help from your husband prior to it getting to that or put her back in her own bed. Perhaps she isn’t feeling well, there’s a lot about.

it wasn’t a great thing to let it get to the stage you lost your temper but don’t beat yourself up about it. Forgive yourself, move on and don’t let it get to that stage again

EarringsandLipstick · 21/12/2023 05:39

This isn't great. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad but you can't scream & swear at a dependent baby.

You need to make a plan with DH for some support, including time for you to rest, today (even if he has to take time off work to do so).

I hope you'll be ok.

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Original poster
Christmasconcerts · 21/12/2023 05:40

Her bed is wet, but it wouldn’t have made any difference. She just was awake, which wouldn’t have been so bad if she had been content to just have a cuddle but she was on the move and so frustrating having her arching her back and trying to roll around.

I feel horrible now, but I can deal with broken nights but two hours is a long time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Christmasconcerts · 21/12/2023 05:45

Anyway she’s snuggled up to me now fast asleep at long last. Just hoping the other one doesn’t wake up now :(

OP posts:
Att1cusPund · 21/12/2023 05:47

MargotBamborough · 21/12/2023 05:35

Don't beat yourself up about this. Sleep deprivation is terrible.

This. Go easy on yourself 💐

whatsmynameaga1n · 21/12/2023 05:56

It’s happened now. It won’t do her any lasting damage and she’ll be okay. Don’t waste more energy beating yourself up.

ChristmasTime2023 · 21/12/2023 07:18

Honestly the fact that you feel so terrible about it is a good sign!

There are parents who shout and swear and their children daily and feel like this is totally fine behaviour

You have got overwhelmed and frustrated while being sleep deprived no one is perfect! Being a parent is tough. Don't be so hard on yourself!

EarringsandLipstick · 21/12/2023 08:20

Don't feel horrible but do put in place a plan - posters are being kind reassuring you, and I too am sympathetic - but it's really not ok to scream and swear at a baby. I know you know this, but you need to have a concrete plan of help from DH, and time for you to rest if you are experiencing that much exhaustion

marychristmas22 · 21/12/2023 08:22

She won't remember. Don't beat yourself up. It's so hard and we are all only human.

Mariposistaa · 21/12/2023 08:53

Not ideal but not a disaster
The 2 hours of hovering over her is enough to push anyone to the limit. Let DH try or sleep train. Well, sleep train anyway.

Original poster
Christmasconcerts · 21/12/2023 08:54

She’s way too young for sleep training and to be fair she isn’t too bad as a rule. Which makes me feel worse but it is done now. I think she’s forgiven me.

OP posts:
Candycurrantbun · 21/12/2023 08:59

Haven't most of us had 'go the fuck to sleep' moments. Anyway she won't remember so don't beat yourself up.

pinkfink · 21/12/2023 09:00

Honestly OP don't worry, we've all done it. It shows you care because you've come on here to check, so that's the main thing.

Try and take it easy if you can xx

pinkfink · 21/12/2023 09:01

Mariposistaa · 21/12/2023 08:53

Not ideal but not a disaster
The 2 hours of hovering over her is enough to push anyone to the limit. Let DH try or sleep train. Well, sleep train anyway.

It's not even 'not ideal' it just doesn't even matter at that age.

Jellycats4life · 21/12/2023 09:04

Candycurrantbun · 21/12/2023 08:59

Haven't most of us had 'go the fuck to sleep' moments. Anyway she won't remember so don't beat yourself up.

This.

All the parents muttering that is “wasn’t ideal” just need to bite their tongues really. Two hours of being kept awake, kicking and hair pulling would test the patience of a saint. Baby wasn’t hurt and doesn’t understand. Deep breath and move on.

Marcipex · 21/12/2023 09:06

She’ll forget xx
Forgive yourself. You need to sleep.

Wolfiefan · 21/12/2023 09:06

Honestly babies don’t “forgive” you because they don’t hold a grudge. There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. It’s bloody awful.

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 21/12/2023 09:08

Jellycats4life · 21/12/2023 09:04

This.

All the parents muttering that is “wasn’t ideal” just need to bite their tongues really. Two hours of being kept awake, kicking and hair pulling would test the patience of a saint. Baby wasn’t hurt and doesn’t understand. Deep breath and move on.

Show quote history

I completely disagree. Two hours of nighttime arsehole behaviour isn’t unusual in this house. It’s difficult but I would never shout and swear at DS for it.

SaltyGod · 21/12/2023 09:09

Just adding to the list of people saying, ‘most of use have done this at one point’ I know I have.

Sleep deprivation is awful. Your outburst doesn’t make you a dreadful parent.

I would make a plan for next time a similar situation occurs, perhaps a waterproof under sheet so she can go back to her cot, or wake your DH up, or get up and go downstairs with her. Doesn’t matter what you decide to do, but just have a way to try to make it better next time.

It’s very hard to think logically at 4am so deciding in advance is better.

snowlady4 · 21/12/2023 09:10

You're human! You're knackered! You've identified it's not ideal.. now forget about it and move on. She won't remember.
Tell your husband it's made you feel rubbish an I bet he'll say you should have woken me up- do that next time if you can.

Onionsmadeofglass · 21/12/2023 09:18

Make a deal with your husband that either of you can wake up the other to take over if it’s been more than an hour and a half or so trying to get the baby back to sleep. It’s easier to cope when there’s a time limit. But don’t beat yourself up too much.
There’s a reason there’s a best selling picture book (for parents, not kids) called ´go the fuck to sleep’.
Also this Tim Minchin lullaby,

Lullaby by Tim Minchin

Lullaby as performed on Ben Elton's Live from Planet Earth, featuring part of the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra.

https://youtu.be/ESFANzZTdYM?si=Az_Qqu6XG1uXeggC

OdeToBarney · 21/12/2023 09:34

I've been there OP, most parents have. It doesn't make you a terrible person, you're tired and stressed. The fact you feel bad about it shows you are a loving parent. Go easy on yourself 💗

Vinoveritass · 21/12/2023 09:42

Be kind to yourself. I've been there! The fact you were awake thinking about it shows you know it's wrong and you can do things to stop it happening again.

TheShellBeach · 21/12/2023 09:47

Don't be angry with yourself. Sleep deprivation is awful.

I'm sure I wasn't a perfect parent 100% of the time. And I bet most of us aren't, either.

Babies are very hard work sometimes.

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