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Original poster

I know I would BU to go to church even though I'm an atheist, but....

74 replies

oasiswon · 19/12/2023 21:43

I'm in need of some new friendships, a sense of community and opportunities to make connections with others and just be around people. Since the birth of my DC during pandemic, followed by DH spending most weeks travelling away for work and no family to support I've been very lonely. I'm now at the stage where DC are old enough for me to have a teeny tiny bit more time for me - however - I've no friends nearby! I live in London and all my friends with kids moved away to the countryside during Covid. I have friends I can speak to on the phone but no-one in my area and only a handful in my city whom I see once or twice a year!

I've tried a book group to no avail (everyone was younger and pre-DC and I felt like a fish out of water) and nursery / kids activities haven't led to any friendships, only the occasional hello on the rush to work.

I feel envious of churchgoers having a ready made community to attend each week and have coffee and a chat, and we have a lovely CofE church in our road which seems to have an open vibe.

But I'm not a believer and I'm an atheist so it would be wrong of me to attend I suppose. If only there were atheist places like churches! I know it sounds silly. Does anyone else relate to this? And if do what did you do to connect with people?

OP posts:
DappledThings · 19/12/2023 21:43

You'd be welcome at every church I've been a member of.

DustyLee123 · 19/12/2023 21:47

No, it wouldn’t be wrong to attend. And it’s something I’ve considered too.

Singleandproud · 19/12/2023 21:49

Have a look for Humanist gatherings.

Our local church welcomes everyone regardless of faith or lack there of. You can go and enjoy the singing and the stories and the sense of community for just that. Help out and volunteer or just add to the tea and coffee collection to aid fundraising.

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Philosophy & religion
wetryforit · 19/12/2023 21:50

You'd be welcome in my church too.

tdino · 19/12/2023 21:51

You would be welcome here, rural Scotland. It's about community, kindness, looking out for each and every person in the community.

SerenityNowInsanityLater · 19/12/2023 21:51

Church is fantastic for building up a sense of belonging. In my own experience, it’s a tolerant and welcoming place. I’m not C of E, but I do find Cof E most welcoming and very human, down to earth, real.

Look out for family events in the church hall- playgroups, fundraising events, meditation sessions, coffee mornings. Really great ways of connecting.
You could try and check out the Quakers, Unitarian Universalism, Humanists as well.

Annon00 · 19/12/2023 21:52

Churches are meant to be welcoming places. Not everyone will be a committed Christian and you're not unreasonable going (unless you start disrupting it for those who believe in some outrageous way!). Give it a go, you might meet some new friends.

lking12 · 19/12/2023 21:53

Are you working? That’s the only time I felt less lonely.
you don’t need to be a believer to go to church. You can go to appreciate the building, the art, the singing and the companionship. You can go as part of a cultural education in Christianity, to think more philosophically about your life. You don’t need to believe in a literal God.

However have you tried the peanut app or other dedicated groups for social events? If church might not be your thing given the religious vibe it might be worth starting there.

Cuddy899 · 19/12/2023 21:53

So strangely I’m in this position!

I have a baby so joined the local playgroup that’s held at a Baptist church. I became friends with the ladies who led it as we talked each week- I felt a sense of community and kindness that I feel is missing in our society. They invited me on a parenting course whilst they looked after my baby- the course was interesting and helpful and at the end of each session there was mention of how God helps us with parenting and a prayer. I used the time to think and feel
peaceful and I took the kindness part from what they were saying rather than the God part. I’ve since gone on to attend more and have done some bible study courses. Again - I don’t believe in God but I find the history fascinating and it helps me understand religion and other peoples views.
i love how it talks of kindness and selflessness . All good morals
i have no problem with following- even though I’m an atheist and am a scientist myself.

I now attend the church on a Sunday whilst my children go to the crèche. I have become a much calmer and better person for it ! I like listening to what the Pastor says because I come out feeling positive and refreshed. I love how they know my name and we chat about life in a positive way. I try and help them by volunteering etc .

it’s a community definitely and something I have become part of. I do feel bad sometimes that I don’t believe in God but I do believe in the morals they are teaching and the community and goodness.

hope this helps! X

Allsizes8to14 · 19/12/2023 21:55

You would be very welcome at our church! Defo go, and if you don’t feel welcome I’d advise to try another (as there are sadly some not very welcoming ones out there!)

SerenityNowInsanityLater · 19/12/2023 21:56

Underpinning faith is kindness. Faith reminds us of our human responsibility to nurture loving kindness. Whether you’re religious or not, we all desire and deserve kindness. I hope you find hippiness and support in your local church, OP.

Figgysmum · 19/12/2023 21:57

Just do it, best thing I ever did. Just find the right one for you. I’m a non believer but they have welcomed me with open arms and not once in the 8years of attending have they pressured me. I have made so many friends and now couldn’t imagine my life without their friendship. We go for meals out, coffee, and have a walking group, so it’s not all about church. I know I’ll never be alone now I have my church family.

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 19/12/2023 21:58

I definitely don't think it's unreasonable. Churches by their nature and because of who they follow should welcome everyone.
I do think it would be unfair to sort of pretend that you really believe. If you find yourself getting into any conversations about faith you could be open with people. You can just say you have never really believed but have been drawn to the community and hope it's ok if you keep coming along. They won't kick you out or anything!

festivetinseling · 19/12/2023 21:59

Our church minister often includes the words 'All are welcome, those of all faiths, and none' at the beginning of a service.

We don't go all that often, and for several years atheist DH went more often than I did!

grafittiartist · 19/12/2023 22:01

I attend regularly even though I am unsure of my beliefs. I go to enjoy some peace and reflection in the week, and the lovely warm community that make me feel really welcome.
No one minds!

ZenNudist · 19/12/2023 22:06

Totally fine. I used to go to the local methodist cof e and Catholic playgroups when mine were little, church funded had the best toys games crafts and snacks! Occasionally they'd have a Christmas or Easter service with the group (oh no! Yawn!)... the groups were always very welcoming.

I actually came back to my Catholic faith when ds was 7 or 8, nothing to do with playgroups. Anyway I always go to church now and we would very much welcome anyone who wanted to join us regardless of faith. Don't assume everyone there is "good" or has their belief system fully worked out. We are just people trying to live a Catholic Christian life.

Electio7899 · 19/12/2023 22:06

all of the churches around me have the same statements as festive and I’ve not been asked what I believe over the 5(!) churches I’ve attended on and off over the years and have found very welcome and accepting people.

Erby · 19/12/2023 22:08

OP, you are literally the target audience for churches. Go!

TrashedSofa · 19/12/2023 22:09

I don't think it's BU. If a place is open to everyone, you're fine to go to it.

Allwelcone · 19/12/2023 22:09

Such heart warming replies here 💖 give it a go OP!

Sallyh87 · 19/12/2023 22:09

I go to a weekly children’s group in my local C of E church. I also take my children to hear the bells etc. I am very much a catholic.

I find most church people (particularly C of E) are very welcoming and friendly.

TheScientists · 19/12/2023 22:11

Basically as long as you don't stand up halfway through the service and announce "All Christians are twats" you're probably fine

Every church I've been to has a range from the truly devout to the fervently atheist. You'd have been very welcome in any.

DragonFly98 · 19/12/2023 22:11

You definitely be welcome at my church too, we have people who attend services, varies church events and those that are kind enough to volunteer to make lunch and the lunch club that are not Christians, everyone is welcome.

Allthingsdecember · 19/12/2023 22:12

I’m agnostic and have been to a local church for a few special services since taking DC to the attached playgroup. We have always been made really welcome.

As long as you’re not planning on being rude about their beliefs, I’m sure a local church would be happy for you to attend.

Calypso89 · 19/12/2023 22:13

SerenityNowInsanityLater · 19/12/2023 21:56

Underpinning faith is kindness. Faith reminds us of our human responsibility to nurture loving kindness. Whether you’re religious or not, we all desire and deserve kindness. I hope you find hippiness and support in your local church, OP.

I would say kindness is an inevitable fruit of being a Christian, but it doesn't underpin the faith. A Christian is essentially a sinner who recognises that they have been saved by the grace of God, not by their own kindness/goodness, and in response turns and submits to Jesus as Lord and King of all.

So Jesus is what underpins the faith, really.