I know I would BU to go to church even though I'm an atheist, but....

[oasiswon]

I'm in need of some new friendships, a sense of community and opportunities to make connections with others and just be around people. Since the birth of my DC during pandemic, followed by DH spending most weeks travelling away for work and no family to support I've been very lonely. I'm now at the stage where DC are old enough for me to have a teeny tiny bit more time for me - however - I've no friends nearby! I live in London and all my friends with kids moved away to the countryside during Covid. I have friends I can speak to on the phone but no-one in my area and only a handful in my city whom I see once or twice a year!

I've tried a book group to no avail (everyone was younger and pre-DC and I felt like a fish out of water) and nursery / kids activities haven't led to any friendships, only the occasional hello on the rush to work.

I feel envious of churchgoers having a ready made community to attend each week and have coffee and a chat, and we have a lovely CofE church in our road which seems to have an open vibe.

But I'm not a believer and I'm an atheist so it would be wrong of me to attend I suppose. If only there were atheist places like churches! I know it sounds silly. Does anyone else relate to this? And if do what did you do to connect with people?

The Sunday Assembly might suit you.

https://www.sundayassembly.org/

One of my closest friends is a CofE vicar and she would welcome you with open arms into her church.

Plenty of self-confessed atheists at my local church.

If there's a good primary school attached to your local C of E church you will probably find it rammed with young families just like you, for whom genuine belief comes way down the list, after securing a school place, and being part of a community.

It’s fine. I’m not sure all priests / vicars believe in god, and you can think religion is useful in some ways, without being interested in god.

so give it a go HOWEVER I think you’d also be as well to focus on doing things you are interested in - whether that’s park run, walking group, transition town, pottery club, because it takes time to make friends and the interest sustains you.

With kindness you can’t just try a book group and give up. Try lots of different things till you find what you enjoy. Friends will come from that.

I went to this with a friend a couple times and found it quite weird. More like a toddler group for grown ups than a secular community gathering. It had singing but no meaning.. however, he liked it.

CofE or RC would probably be best, IMO, for someone in your position. And if CofE I’d go mainstream or high church. The trouble with the non-conformists and CofE evangelicals is the zeal that can burst out: you’re likely to be seen not just as part of a happy community, but a potential convert who’s invited to sit and read the gospels, over curly sandwiches and warm orange juice.

Plus high church CofE has the best music and ritual of all. Also very liberal (except for no women priests). Lots of old people though.

I was in a similar position to you and made a couple of really great local friends by meeting them in church.

I'm a believer myself, but one of the friends has mentioned that she's not actually a Christian or anything. She just likes going to church as a kind of community thing. We've been friends for years now and have a lot in common. She still goes to church and still doesn't believe. Afaik nobody has a problem with this.

I very much doubt you'd be the only atheist in the church. Church is for anybody who wants to go.

I'm part of a Humanist group which is a nice way to meet like minded people and feel part of a community. We meet in a pub, have a drink and then go up to a function room to talk about all sorts of things - some interesting, some not. There's no singing though, so I go to churches every now and then to get my fix 😊

Random suggestion for atheists wanting a bit of community and singing - join a choir! Depending where you live you can find choirs that don’t require much musical skill or experience and there’s lots of research on the psychological benefits of singing together.

Agreed re joining a choir. I used to sing in a lovely community choir, then moved house and couldn't find anything that wasn't a Rock Choir. I like something a bit more challenging than learning by ear.

I was asked to join the church choir, but I don't want to give up every Sunday morning 😳

A good church should welcome anyone. You can attend for the community aspect. No one is going to grill you on your beliefs. Obviously you’ll have to be comfortable sitting through the services?

Yes .. it's a great way to meet people, I've moved around a lot due to work commitments and always join the local church. The type of church I go to is focussed on social justice and outreach so there is plenty to get involved in - Food Bank, supporting homeless & rough sleepers, all sorts of support for young families, teenagers, refugees, older people, ex prisoners etc. People (esp on Mumsnet) like to sneer at church going 'do gooders ' but there is so much unseen community work that Churches are involved with.

You might be surprised how many closet atheists attend church. I'm one (I like traditional church music and sing in the choir). No need to to march in and tell everyone you don't believe, just go along for the social contact.

You certainly won’t be the only one.

I told our local C of E vicar about my doubts over whether God really existed and he said 'me too'. If it doesn't stop him, why should it stop you?

People go to church for many different reasons, companionship being one of the main ones. As long as you are respectful of other people's beliefs, then there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't go.

Church is all about community and welcoming people in. Our local CofE Church happily has members of the choir eveb who aren't religious but love to sing...

Try it and see, a lot of Church's have a lot of events and support.

One thing that stands out to me and will always remember is the kindness of a church when I needed help.

I was away for a few days when mum was rushed into hospital with a poor prognosis. I was heading to see her the next day.

I left my hotel to get some food and on the way back, the enormity of the situation hit me. I fell apart right by a church, didn't know what else to do and went in.

Despite me being clear that I'm an atheist, they enveloped me in warmth and love, giving me the support I needed that evening. Sadly, mum died a few days later, but I'll never forget their kindness. C of E church. I would definitely give them a try.

Plus high church CofE has the best music and ritual of all. Also very liberal (except for no women priests).
Really unusual these days. My last church before I moved was as high as they come (Angelus at end of Mass every week) and had a female priest before the current one (she is now a Bishop) and now has a female curate as well known as Mother [FIRST NAME].

I was married in a high CofE church by a female priest.

You'd be welcome at my church. You should definitely go

I'd look up your local churches and check out their website. They tend to have lots of different groups as well as regular Sunday worship.

They have coffee mornings and home groups and discussion groups etc.

There might also be a local alpha course if that is something you'd be interested in as a way into the faith.

Find the one that you think might suit you best

I had a very similar experience, broken down and crying in the street completely overwhelmed. Not knowing what was happening I found myself in a warm room holding a cup of tea in front of a plate of sandwiches while 2 women were chatting about church business and checking in on me every few minutes. My mental health was so shaky I even questions whether it was actually happening. Anyway they were bang on with safeguarding (they didn’t know what had happened), they weren’t pushy but gave me a list of options which included a lift back home. The vicar did come and talk to me but it was very much to say I could stay for longer, and confirm I was safe to leave. Then a pretty strong insistence that no man had the right to make me feel bad(which had nothing to do with why I was upset but I guess he was playing the odds).

You should go, for your own reasons.

You will be welcomed for many reasons.
Enjoy