Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Do friends/family know that you suffer from anxiety or depression?

59 replies

Tobenot4 · 17/12/2023 18:29

I developed awful anxiety after a bad breakup a couple of years ago. I'm over the breakup now but I can't shake the anxiety and often feel down in myself, a feeling of I just can't be bothered about a lot of things.

Now, friends and family would know I went through a hard time at the time, but no one really knows I'm not feeling great at times with this anxiety.

Anyone else in a similar situation - do you share how you're feeling or keep it to yourself like me?

OP posts:
CatamaranViper · 17/12/2023 18:32

Some yes some no.
I told my mam when I went on the medication and she told my dad. Obvs DH knows.

Otherwise I only talk about it if it's relevant to the conversation.

Barmecide · 17/12/2023 18:33

No, because I absolutely never let myself not do something or behave differently because of it.

MrsNandortheRelentless · 17/12/2023 18:33

No.
Absolutely no one knows about my MH.

I tell no one.
I do at times have suicidal thoughts and often plan how I would do it.
Everyone would be surprised.

But then, no one is either interested or bothered about me.

Good thing I always pull myself out of it.

Chocpot1986 · 17/12/2023 18:34

I only told a couple of friends that I knew would understand or who suffer themselves. Otherwise it was just family that new the full extent of my breakdown and anxiety. I try to hide it most of the time but that is also because I feel acknowledging it makes it more real xx

tatyr · 17/12/2023 18:35

Shared with those who care about me and those who are in a position/willing to help, by coming out for a walk with me, coming over for a cuppa etc.
There's no shame in it, and it can help by getting reconnected a bit with this you feel most comfortable with.
Meds have helped me, but also getting back into some of the social routine I had dropped.

Chocpot1986 · 17/12/2023 18:36

MrsNandortheRelentless · 17/12/2023 18:33

No.
Absolutely no one knows about my MH.

I tell no one.
I do at times have suicidal thoughts and often plan how I would do it.
Everyone would be surprised.

But then, no one is either interested or bothered about me.

Good thing I always pull myself out of it.

why have you kept it to yourself if you don’t mind me asking? I can appreciate what you’re saying when I had a nervous breakdown start of the year none of my so called friends gave a fuck tbh.

AllAroundMyCat · 17/12/2023 18:38

I keep it to myself.

Jingleeaster · 17/12/2023 18:39

yes, because I'm rubbish at secrets and my moods are always really obvious. Plus not many people in my orbit so not many people to tell.

Waitingfordoggo · 17/12/2023 18:39

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through such an awful time OP.

Anxiety (and sometimes depression) have featured in my life for a very long time. Probably all of my life- although I think I did a convincing job of masking it when I was young- including to myself. I realised about 15-20 years ago that I had mental health problems. Sometimes I’ve needed medication and talking therapies, sometimes I’ve managed things myself (in both healthy and unhealthy ways). I started being open perhaps ten years ago with people in my life.

My DH, my teenage children, my brother and most of my friends know about it. I don’t bang on about it but will sometimes mention it if it is particularly bad, or if I want to ask people to be a bit patient with me. What I have discovered since being open about it is that a great deal of people suffer from mental health problems. Either as a consequence of life events or as a long-term feature of who they are. I have found it really helpful to be open about it and to be able to discuss it with others.

I hope you find ways to manage your anxiety. 💐

MrsNandortheRelentless · 17/12/2023 18:40

So many reasons.

What could or would anyone do?
Everyone has their own problems, they don’t need mine.
No one would be interested.

I am fucking good at keeping it all to myself.
A naturally quiet, introvert who is antisocial and awkward.
Im hard enough work for those who know me.

user284246975787632445 · 17/12/2023 18:42

Despite what advertising campaigns might say, people don't care.

Waitingfordoggo · 17/12/2023 18:45

It’s really sad that’s been your experience @user284246975787632445. It’s not been mine. I have some wonderful friends and a fantastic DH who certainly do care when I’m struggling; just as I care about my friends who suffer from mental illness.

twiddlingthumbs69 · 17/12/2023 18:47

No because the one time I mentioned it I was asked, what have you got to be depressed about?
I just didn't have the energy to explain

MirandaWest · 17/12/2023 18:49

Some people know (work needs to as I’m off at the moment). DH knows. My sister knows. Haven’t told my parents as I’m concerned it would make my mum anxious….

CharlottePimpernel · 17/12/2023 18:49

My closest friends know I was in a mental unit for a month some years ago and have taken antidepressants for ten years.
My family don't and I'm not telling them, because they're very old fashioned when it comes to mental health and don't believe in mental illness. It's not worth the hassle of telling them

Original poster
Tobenot4 · 17/12/2023 18:50

Thanks for all your replies. Also, I'm on mirtazapine and, although they're great for helping me to sleep, they're not doing much for anxiety during the day. I've been suffering joint pain/ stiffness at times, which can be a side effect, so I'm gradually going to wean myself off and see how I get on.

Getting out in nature does help a lot, but the anxiety never goes, which is frustrating. I used to read a lot but find it hard to now also.

I put my best self out there every day. People probably would be surprised if they knew how I really feel.

OP posts:
ArcticBells · 17/12/2023 18:54

MrsNandortheRelentless · 17/12/2023 18:33

No.
Absolutely no one knows about my MH.

I tell no one.
I do at times have suicidal thoughts and often plan how I would do it.
Everyone would be surprised.

But then, no one is either interested or bothered about me.

Good thing I always pull myself out of it.

I could've written your post . I've been on antidepressants for over 30 years. Only one person knows I take them.

Chocpot1986 · 17/12/2023 18:55

twiddlingthumbs69 · 17/12/2023 18:47

No because the one time I mentioned it I was asked, what have you got to be depressed about?
I just didn't have the energy to explain

I have had this said to me. They have no fucking clue do they?

Waitingfordoggo · 17/12/2023 19:00

Sounds like you’re working hard at looking after yourself OP, and that in itself can be very tiring when one’s mental health isn’t good.

I have found exercise very helpful, as well as yoga and meditation. I do know that these aren’t going to be helpful for everyone, and that finding the energy to do them is a challenge in itself. But might be worth trying if and when you have the energy.

Waitingfordoggo · 17/12/2023 19:01

Also having a dog has been great for me. Again, not something that will suit everyone but for those that like them and can have one, there is something special about dogs.

user284246975787632445 · 17/12/2023 19:01

Waitingfordoggo · 17/12/2023 18:45

It’s really sad that’s been your experience @user284246975787632445. It’s not been mine. I have some wonderful friends and a fantastic DH who certainly do care when I’m struggling; just as I care about my friends who suffer from mental illness.

I'm glad you have people in your life who care.

I'm putting my affairs in order and then I will be gone. Nobody will care and that's fine because I'm not worth anything - and it means nobody will hurt either.

Waitingfordoggo · 17/12/2023 19:05

Your life has value @user284246975787632445. I know that doesn’t count for much coming from a stranger on the internet. But you really do have worth.

BarelyCoping123 · 17/12/2023 19:06

Mentioned it (anxiety/depression) a while ago to a couple of close friends, no one cared. So I don't mention it. I am more and more of the mind that I don't want to exist anymore, but no point mentioning that as no one would care. So I try to carry on as best I can.

BarelyCoping123 · 17/12/2023 19:07

@MrsNandortheRelentless I feel the same way as you've described in your post.
I really hope you're ok xxx

Brird · 17/12/2023 19:08

I might mention it to friends after a bad patch of depression, never during it. I don't trust what I might say if I started talking about it during, everything is so out of proportion. I just try and avoid people as much as possible.

Work also knows. My parents and brother do not know.