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Original poster

Social services what will happen

59 replies

Blueazul · 13/12/2023 07:33

Hi. I hope you all can help me as I am sick worry about this. Last week my partner was violent with me while the children were in the house sleeping. The police wasn’t involved but I had to contact his mental health team and let them now as he has being having some serious mental health issues lately. Over the phone they tried to convince me to report it to the police but I told them I’m not going to do it. They said that anyway they will have to mark it as a safeguarding issue. What does it mean???? My partner left the house that day and is now staying with relatives because his mental health is in a really bad place. A few days after that I did something really stupid. Everything that has been happening in the last few months took a toll on me and in a very low moment I took an overdose of prescription medication. As soon as I did I called for help from family members as my youngest child was in the house sleeping and I wanted them to collect him. Thanks goodness they came before he was even awake and I am ok and in a much better mental health space. But obviously I’m aware that social services would have been notified of this as well. What should I expect??? This whole situation is so worrying for me. Thanks

OP posts:

TheShellBeach · 13/12/2023 07:36

I'm sorry things are so bad for you at the moment, but violence against women should be reported to the police, and children do need to be safeguarded against it. You can't be defending it, surely?

Original poster

Blueazul · 13/12/2023 07:45

im not reporting it because I know it was during a psychotic episode and he has left the house and is not coming back. I understand why the children have to be safeguarded and I’m not happy about everything that has been going on lately. I’m trying to protect them from as much of it as possible. Because I have never been involved in anything like this I’m just worried for what could happen, surely it is natural to be worried?

OP posts:

adventadvent · 13/12/2023 07:46

Psychotic or not, he could have killed you
SS will need to make sure your children are safe. Work with them

BananaSplitsss · 13/12/2023 07:47

Did you go to hospital when you took the OD? The fact your child was upstairs is again a red flag.

I am sorry you are having a difficult time but am not an expert on this.

Have you spoken with your Doctor? Women’s Aid? Are you receiving any help or support ?

Savedpassword · 13/12/2023 07:48

Of course it’s natural to be worried but you need to safe guard your children and part of that is reporting violent behaviour in the home to the police. You need a body of evidence.
I hope things improve for you and your children soon.

Original poster

Blueazul · 13/12/2023 07:51

I want to make clear I want the best for my children and of course I will cooperate with everything as it is for the good of my kids. No doubts about this. I just would like to know what to expect as the uncertainty is killing me.

OP posts:

QueenofTerrasen · 13/12/2023 07:54

If social services were informed that he was violent to you and that you overdosed both whilst the children were In the home, I would expect a child protection plan. I'm not an expert, maybe a someone who works with SS will be along to give better advice, but I would think that a CPP would be in place after this.

Wish44 · 13/12/2023 07:54

Hi OP I work on a CMHT.

regardless of your perception of his mental health you need to report it to the police.

There is no mental illness that has violence as a symptom. Yes people can be violent while unwell and not when well but everyone needs to know this.

social services will expect you to phone the police. They will take the view that you are not properly safeguarding your children unless you do this.

Social services will also be concerned about the OD , so you should see your GP and get a referral to primary MH services for some talking therapy for yourself .

show social services that you are being responsible and proactive. That is what they want to see.

Original poster

Blueazul · 13/12/2023 07:56

Thank you! I will take your advice

OP posts:

SheIsStuck23 · 13/12/2023 08:00

From my limited experience with working with SS, I imagine they will want to know that:

A) You are protecting your children by ensuring that your partner is never alone with your children, or even near them to be honest.

B) That you recognise the importance of keeping your children safe and by reporting him to the police. By not reporting him y on are showing SS that you condone violence from him and being raised in a home where violence is confined is definitely not what’s best for your children.

C) You have sought help for your own mental health.

Showing SS that your children are safe with you is FAR more important than not wanting to report your partner.

SS will be looking to see who is your priority: him or your children.

SomePosters · 13/12/2023 08:06

If you’re wondering if they’ll come abs snatch your children away then no, their first priority is to support the family to meet the children’s needs.

However if your first concern is the welfare of your children then you must see why they would get involved.

I don’t want to be unnecessarily harsh when your already struggling but I know a young man who was the son of one of my childhood friends.
He was the one who found his dad when he was 10.

The damage inflicted on him that night still haunts his every waking moment 15 years later.
He is a nice enough young man but very needy and insecure with a terrible fear of even the slightest argument.
He is 25 and still sleep with the light on as he still has nightmares most nights.

Im sorry your finding things tough, truly I am but you HAVE to find it in you to prioritise your kids in that moment. They need you.

NightmareGirl · 13/12/2023 08:07

You don’t need to report it to the police. Just don’t have him round without social services agreement.

Nicole1111 · 13/12/2023 08:09

SS will want to identify a plan that will keep your children safe from all risks including you and your partner’s mental health and his abusive behaviour. They will normally look at professional support available and your personal support network to see how that can reduce the risks. The involvement of SS can feel very scary but their end goal is always to keep family’s together where possible so if you work with them (honestly) then they will try to achieve that.

escapethemaze · 13/12/2023 08:31

what i hope will happen in this scenario is that social services become very heavily involved in your family situation

escapethemaze · 13/12/2023 08:33

Thanks goodness they came before he was even awake and I am ok and in a much better mental health space

you are in a “much better mental space” following your suicide attempt last week?

DrearyDearyMe · 13/12/2023 08:33

I dont want to try and scare or upset you,

But my friend tried to commit suicide with her children in the house and social threatened that if she didnt take the kids to their dads and them live with him until she was 100% better then they would take the children into temporary care.

They lived with him for months until she got herself back to normal. Their all back at home with her now and everyone is settled but it took months for social to allow it

Lifeasiknowitisout · 13/12/2023 08:39

What support are you getting for your own mental health.

Saying you wanted to die last week and tried to do in sole care of your child but this week it’s ok because you are better, probably won’t cut it.

You need to show you are actively seeking support for yourself.

I would imagine as well, that if you ever want your partner to come home you would need to show how you are going to get him out of the house if his mental health starts failing before he gets to the stage his is violent. Though you may find they aren’t supportive of him ever coming back. If he can’t control being violent, what happens when that violence is directed at a child? The reason for the violence won’t matter. Whatever the cause is, he is a danger to the children.

ThePoshUns · 13/12/2023 08:41

Everything that @Wish44 has said.
SSD will likely undertake a full assessment and either put a formal plan in place or more likely offer you support.

WandaWonder · 13/12/2023 08:45

Your responsibility is to protect the children if you won't do that SS will thankfully

PepperIsHere · 13/12/2023 08:52

Just go with it, OP, you obviously need professional support. I mean, things couldn't be much worse, could.they?

For all the negative press, social service providers are actually concerned primarily with clients' wellbeing. That is, they are there to help.

Neither you or your partner are stable or well, and you are exactly the sort of family who services like this are designed to support.

Have an open mind, be cooperative and accept all help on offer.

Mariposista · 13/12/2023 09:13

WandaWonder · 13/12/2023 08:45

Your responsibility is to protect the children if you won't do that SS will thankfully

This.
If he is STILL your partner, hopefully arrangements will be made for the children so that they can live somewhere safe and risk free.

As for your overdose, I hope you are getting good MH support as that cannot happen if you have a young child in the house who relies on you for everything.

SS have a duty to your children, so that they do't slip through the net and end up just another sad story on the news.

Hugbooo1 · 13/12/2023 09:51

This guy is no good for you. Put your children first that’s all your going on about in your post is poor him poor him, him being violent towards you is a choice.

you even tried ending your own life over him where would have left your children? Traumatised without a mum for the rest of their lives.

please reach out to woman’s aid and I hope social services do step in because you need some serious help

Original poster

Blueazul · 13/12/2023 09:57

I will repeat he is not living in the house. The day he attacked me his family came to take him out of the house and neither me or the kids have seen him since. Following everyone’s advice I have talked to the police and I’m waiting for a call back to do dash assessment? I have failed at reaching my GP but I have self referred to talking therapy which has been recommended to me. Please I would appreciate less judgment as I want the best for my kids and I was just trying to understand what is to come so I can prepare for it and don’t let the unknown consume me.

OP posts:

Hugbooo1 · 13/12/2023 10:01

@Blueazul it doesn’t matter if he’s living there or not. Once he’s all ‘better’ you’ll allow him back he’s a mess and you’re allowing him around your kids.

you need some serious help there’s no excuse for violence, put your kids first.

Original poster

Blueazul · 13/12/2023 10:08

I have not said such a thing 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

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