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Original poster

Social services what will happen

59 replies

Blueazul · 13/12/2023 07:33

Hi. I hope you all can help me as I am sick worry about this. Last week my partner was violent with me while the children were in the house sleeping. The police wasn’t involved but I had to contact his mental health team and let them now as he has being having some serious mental health issues lately. Over the phone they tried to convince me to report it to the police but I told them I’m not going to do it. They said that anyway they will have to mark it as a safeguarding issue. What does it mean???? My partner left the house that day and is now staying with relatives because his mental health is in a really bad place. A few days after that I did something really stupid. Everything that has been happening in the last few months took a toll on me and in a very low moment I took an overdose of prescription medication. As soon as I did I called for help from family members as my youngest child was in the house sleeping and I wanted them to collect him. Thanks goodness they came before he was even awake and I am ok and in a much better mental health space. But obviously I’m aware that social services would have been notified of this as well. What should I expect??? This whole situation is so worrying for me. Thanks

OP posts:
Hugbooo1 · 13/12/2023 10:10

It’s quite clear though in your posts, just trying to minimise everything so social leave you alone.

You have to ask for help and engage with the services offered to you.

I hope now that you don’t go back to him, it’s not down to you to contact his mental health team or look after him or anything like that it’s down to him, and you shouldn’t be dating someone with all these issues when there’s kids involved.

Original poster
Blueazul · 13/12/2023 10:16

I’m sorry opening this thread was a clear mistake. I was genuinely just asking for advice

OP posts:
Hugbooo1 · 13/12/2023 10:18

It’s not to sound harsh im
purely saying this for your own sake and your children, please engage in services that contact you and yes you should report to the police, that’s seen as safe guarding your children, previous posters have given you excellent advise.

BluebellsForest · 13/12/2023 10:20

Blueazul · 13/12/2023 10:16

I’m sorry opening this thread was a clear mistake. I was genuinely just asking for advice

You've had some very clear advice.

Thatladdo · 13/12/2023 10:23

😕
Im going to say whats need said.

Domestic violence - there are no excuses - report it, stop it from happeneing again.

One parent has acute mental health problems leading them to be violent, the other parent acute mental health problems leading them to be suicidal.

I hope SS do the right thing for the child.

Original poster
Blueazul · 13/12/2023 10:23

I have contacted the police already, I’m waiting for a call back! and social services haven’t reach to me yet but when they do of course I will cooperate. I have never been involve in anything like this, I don’t know anyone who has and I am not from this country so this whole thing is so alien to me I just wanted to know how it works

OP posts:
DottieMoon · 13/12/2023 10:27

I think you are being very naïve and are minimising what happened. You are missing the point that many people are making, perhaps you just don't want to accept it which is very concerning. Just because you managed to get his family to remove him from the property this time, that might not be the case next time. Your children could be hurt or worse. By not reporting to the police, you are failing to protect your children. The police and SS need to be involved here.

Startingagainandagain · 13/12/2023 10:27

I am sorry OP but the welfare of your kids has to come first.

You need to report your partner to the police and seek help for your own mental health issues.

You can't just carry on as you are and expose your children to violence.

You need support as well but the first stage is to admit to yourself that your current situation is toxic and that you need to take action to protect your kids and your mental health and get health and social care professionals involved.

StarlightLime · 13/12/2023 10:27

Your kids are not only at risk from your violent partner; you took an overdose with them in the house?!
They need protecting from both of you.

Woush · 13/12/2023 10:35

Blueazul · 13/12/2023 10:16

I’m sorry opening this thread was a clear mistake. I was genuinely just asking for advice

I'm sorry you are getting judgement, you don't need that right now. In terms of practical advice so that you have some idea what will happen and it feels less unknown, I hope my post helps.

  1. Social care will not be looking to remove your children. They will be doing an assessment to figure out what help you need.
  2. Be fully honest when talking to the social worker doing the assessment. If you think it likely you'll continue the relationship once he's better - say that. They'll then know to include mental health support for him in the plan. They'll also ensure you have done safety planning to know what to do if/when similar happens again. If it's 50-50 you'll have him back - say that. If you one million % know he's not coming back, only say that if you mean it.
  3. Similarly, be honest with regards to your own mental health. Social care will look to do some safety planning work with you on that. So you know how to kerp your children safe at all times, even if your MH dips. If you aren't honest about your MH struggles, they can't do that safety planning well - which will put your children at risk if harm. Which you don't want, do you?
  4. During the assessment social care will ask you about how much you want the help. There is a type of plan that us consent based - called a Child In Need Plan. If you are actively wanting social care help and support, a CIN Plan can be considered.
  5. If you don't consent and say you don't want help, but social care think your children need support - then they are likely to go for a Child Protection Plan. These don't need your consent. The types of support on the plan is broadly the same in a CIN Plan and CP Plan
  6. Social care can also consider a CP Plan even if you consent, if the levels of needs of the children us high.
  7. Neither CIN nor CP Plan has the aim of removing your children from you. The aim is the opposite - to support your family until you don't need any help from social care.

I hope that helps. Take all the support you can get, and do your best to understand you and your children need that support.

Princessbananahamock · 13/12/2023 11:00

@Blueazul You could ask for this thread to be moved to relationships, you should get loads of useful advice.

Everything you have done so far shows that you are on top of this situation. Now social services have limited powers, they can advise, great that you have called police. I hope that they tell you should he come to your home and cause a nuisance that you phone them immediately . They may put a marker on your home for your protection.

Make sure you eat and rest, every day do something small that will raise your spirits/make you smile. A bar of your fav chocolate daft movies with the kids. Talk to your GP after such a traumatic experience you may need medication as well as the therapy, to help you through this difficult situation.

StarlightLime · 13/12/2023 11:21

Everything you have done so far shows that you are on top of this situation
Op is a couple of days post overdose.

IncompleteSenten · 13/12/2023 11:29

I'm sorry you've gone through all that.

What is to come is hard to say. There's a big range of what could happen in practice so be compliant and don't try to minimise either his actions or yours.

And then there's what should happen in theory - which is that social services will come and assess you. They will want to make sure you are safe and your children are safe. They will want to know how you intend to keep your children safe going forward. They may want to remain involved for a while. They may want to put your children on a plan or they may think that isn't necessary.

How things proceed will largely be based on how you deal with their involvement. If you're hostile or make excuses or seem like you want to remain a couple with him then they'll be far more worried than if you make it clear you are done with him, you are getting help for your own mental health and how you will ensure you keep your children safe. They'll especially want to be as sure as possible you won't try to harm yourself again while alone with the children.

Andthereyougo · 13/12/2023 11:38

Your best way forward is to work with SS , not see them as the enemy.
Their duty is to ensure your children aren’t at risk , from their dad returning ( I know you’ve said he won’t) and that you won’t take another overdose or even overdose your children and then yourself ( this is the worst case scenario but they have to plan for the worst, hope for the best)
Accept support that they offer , maybe a parents group, parenting classes.
You’ve had a lot to contend with, you’ve been understandably very low but look at this as an opportunity to move onwards and upwards. Wishing you well.

drowninginsick · 13/12/2023 12:01

Blueazul · 13/12/2023 07:45

im not reporting it because I know it was during a psychotic episode and he has left the house and is not coming back. I understand why the children have to be safeguarded and I’m not happy about everything that has been going on lately. I’m trying to protect them from as much of it as possible. Because I have never been involved in anything like this I’m just worried for what could happen, surely it is natural to be worried?

But that looks like you pickin your partner over your kids. How are you able to keep them safe! Your husband and you are both having a really hard time and need support (no judgement at all times are so hard right now it's no surprise people are struggling)

But who's watching out for your kids when there's violence and OD attempts in the house?

NightmareGirl · 13/12/2023 15:19

I wouldn’t call the police over this. There’s no criminal intent, he will not be convicted, or charged. You got someone to come and look after your children when you were having mental health problems. Make sure you tell social services that. I don’t think your children will be taken away but they will probably want to meet you and monitor you. I don’t know if they will offer you any support or not. None of us know your partner so only you can judge if he’s a serious risk to you or not. It looks like he’s in touch with a psychiatrist. Did he stop taking his medication ?

escapethemaze · 13/12/2023 16:24

Blueazul · 13/12/2023 07:45

im not reporting it because I know it was during a psychotic episode and he has left the house and is not coming back. I understand why the children have to be safeguarded and I’m not happy about everything that has been going on lately. I’m trying to protect them from as much of it as possible. Because I have never been involved in anything like this I’m just worried for what could happen, surely it is natural to be worried?

So he has never ever ever been violent to you in the past? This was a complete one off?

PepperIsHere · 13/12/2023 19:40

I do feel some posters are being unnecessarily harsh.

The OP has been beaten and then become so depressed that she tried to take her own life.

She has young children tp care for while she is struggling to care for herself.

A little understanding would go a long way.

StarlightLime · 13/12/2023 19:48

PepperIsHere · 13/12/2023 19:40

I do feel some posters are being unnecessarily harsh.

The OP has been beaten and then become so depressed that she tried to take her own life.

She has young children tp care for while she is struggling to care for herself.

A little understanding would go a long way.

She needs to understand how to prioritise her children, first and foremost.

Kitkat1523 · 13/12/2023 19:56

QueenofTerrasen · 13/12/2023 07:54

If social services were informed that he was violent to you and that you overdosed both whilst the children were In the home, I would expect a child protection plan. I'm not an expert, maybe a someone who works with SS will be along to give better advice, but I would think that a CPP would be in place after this.

CP plan?! …no way would this meet the threshold…..likely go to early help and only then with mums consent…..there’s a national shortage of children’s sw and thresholds are way high these days

TheShellBeach · 13/12/2023 19:57

StarlightLime · 13/12/2023 19:48

She needs to understand how to prioritise her children, first and foremost.

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I don't disagree with that, but the OP sounds very vulnerable to me.
Some empathy wouldn't go amiss.

Lovemusic82 · 13/12/2023 20:01

StarlightLime · 13/12/2023 19:48

She needs to understand how to prioritise her children, first and foremost.

Show quote history

She is prioritising her children, he hasn’t been near her or the children since he attacked her, it sounds like his family are helping by having him with them. She has called the police, what more can she do?

Social services will likely want the no contact to continue, they will want information from mental health services and won’t allow any contact until he is well and they think there’s no danger.

People are being harsh, OP is obviously in shock and is scared she will lose her kids. She needs to do everything social services ask her to do and work with them to make sure the dc are safe.

BombaySamphire · 13/12/2023 20:40

Kitkat1523 · 13/12/2023 19:56

CP plan?! …no way would this meet the threshold…..likely go to early help and only then with mums consent…..there’s a national shortage of children’s sw and thresholds are way high these days

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That’s appalling, if true.
Mum od’s as the sole adult in the house with her young children present and there’s only intervention with her consent?
Something very wrong there.

Kitkat1523 · 13/12/2023 21:02

BombaySamphire · 13/12/2023 20:40

That’s appalling, if true.
Mum od’s as the sole adult in the house with her young children present and there’s only intervention with her consent?
Something very wrong there.

Show quote history

You do realise a CP plan can’t be enforced ….it only works if parents consent and engage.

if SW are that concerned it goes to strategy and then legal for a court ordered removal…..no way would these kids be removed for this

charliecoopershair · 13/12/2023 21:05

Could easily go to Early Help in our area too, the thresholds have changed so much. Would depend on other protective factors.