Is it good for uni students to live away from home?

[UniStu]

DD is applying for unis for next year. She is considering living at home and commuting to a local uni to cut down on living costs. Will this make it more difficult for her to make good friends with other students if she stays living at home? Obviously, we will support whichever option she chooses.

A lot of university halls and flats are ensuite and that with shared bathrooms are single sex nowadays so you probably weren't alone but universities have stopped this happening.

I think depends on how far you live from campus and whether child is extravert and lazy. If your child is introvert and let's you do all the household jobs then halls would be a real advantage

It is an entirely different experience living at home. In my experience those of my friends that stayed home and went to the local university pretty much just saw it as an extension of school because their life was still the same, those that went away had a much richer experience because they were learning so much more than the academic stuff

Depends on the young person, it's certainly not the same experience though

The sad fact is that those who don't live in halls do miss out sometimes - not on the planned stuff, but the spontaneous stuff with the other people in halls (it's not always thought about to contact people who aren't there too)

Lots of kids are living at home now and going to a local uni. It's not the same experience but coming out of uni without massive debt is a huge positive.
Most unis have opportunities to study abroad or do placement. Living at home doesn't have to translate to a narrower life experience

I agree it can be a good experience but I think for many it is actually a mixed experience at best.

Certainly, @WrongSwanson - but a mixed experience is a learning experience.

I’m not trying to suggest that living and studying away from home is all easy peasy sugar and spice - our undergrad has faced innumerable challenging situations, and finding a way through them has been a huge part of the education they’ve acquired at university.

Staying at home is obviously the right decision for some students - no one would dispute that. But the OP has asked for opinions on the advantages of living away. There are many, beyond simply ‘making friends’ - and the difficulties one encounters are part of the value of the experience.

My recent graduate navigated their way through living away from home during a pandemic and at 22 is now a fully-functioning, independent adult with a job, a home and a support network in another city, someone who pays their own way in everything and manages their life with only an occasional request for advice from their parents.

That's every bit as big a success as the academic qualification they gained at the same time - and they wouldn't have got the former if they had been living at home.

I suppose it depends if you think living in a grotty flat and the debt is a price worth paying for “independence”. I’m not convinced personally.

I live very close to a university. I have noticed that my children’s peers who have chosen that university tend to live there for at least a year. Some think ahead and live there first year to make friends and then move back home. Others move in year 2 when they see what they’re missing out on.

I think also a lot of parents still think uni was like it was back when they went. It isn’t really, a lot of debt and it can also be quite isolating if you’re in halls/a flat and not an outgoing person, online lectures etc

i think it kind of depends where you live as well. One of the risks of staying at home is that you become too rooted in one place and it makes it harder to make a mental leap to moving to another city after graduation. If you do a geographically generic job like teaching or nursing that’s maybe fine, but a lot of sectors don’t have the same level of opportunity everywhere. If you’ve never lived away from home and all your friends are local, it’s harder to say “ ok I’m going to move to Manchester on my own”.

I moved to London after graduating and think I would have found it harder to make that move ( from a home town of 100k) had I not lived away during Uni.

But, I also think Uni is now a v different balance- the cost is far higher, and the private hall thing seems a bit shit. I can see both sides.

Going away to uni was great for my two dc. They really came out do themselves, learned to cook/budget/generally be an adult. They also had a great time. That doesn't mean it suits everyone.

Personally I went to a local ish uni, but the commute meant I didn't really socialise much as I was always rushing to get the train home ( my course meant I was in 9-5 daily)

I always regretted not going away tbh, I don't think you get the same experience and you can feel like an outsider when your peers are talking about their night out etc. That said, things are a lot more expensive now and financial constraints have to come into it.

I stayed at home and commuted to uni, if I had my time again I’d 100% move out. I did make friends but I had an hour journey home on the bus so didn’t feel free to do random stuff as I had to think about how I would get home afterwards or find someone to stay with. I still saw my friends from home, but they were mostly working and had more money than me so I kind of felt I didn’t belong anywhere.

@Ardith

I'm sorry you experienced this but this isn't the norm. I went to university, my DD's have very recently (one still there) and this isn't their or my experience. I'm not claiming bad behaviour doesn't exist but it happens everywhere. By 18 you give your children the skills to be independent, my girls certainly didn't need keeping at home to be protected, in fact dd boarded at school out of choice on a bursary too.

I went to university a 12 hour bus journey away at 17 and most people I met were from different parts of the country. There were only a couple girls in my year who were local.

I went back to university again at 27 to study a different course and it was completely different, majority of the other students were local to the city or commuting from an hour away. I think rising rents changed trends a bit.

Does anyone know if Oxford and Cambridge still have the residency rule? I.e you’re basically not allowed to commute as an undergrad? I remember there were people whose parents were masters at other colleges and they still lived in their own college 400 metres away.

I think living at home will make it a very different experience but not necessarily a worse one.
When I was a student, moving out, living in halls, meeting people and finding my feet away from my family was absolutely central to my experience at university. When I think of uni now many years later I don't think about my lectures/ tutorials, I think about the get togethers we had in our communal kitchen etc. I'm so so glad I had that opportunity to start stepping towards independence (I didn't return home after uni).
But, thinking ahead for my kids and we've already talked about options to stay at home, maybe a degree apprenticeship, just because if the debt situation. That was not something that I needed to think about but sadly kids now really do.

My DD went away for Uni. Her experience was so far beyond her friend who stayed home. In addition, when it came to work, she had no qualms at looking everywhere for work, whereas her friend who stayed local only applied to local jobs. They both have jobs and both work but my DD has a much wider group of friends and a wider outlook on life.

Does this help?

Not needed imo.

Save your money, buy a house:

Honestly, I think it’s an unnecessary expense if you have a good university nearby which enables you to remain at home. University debt is so much worse now than it was in my time. Online lectures have increased, so for a lot of courses actual contact time is low. I think the youngsters of today are getting a lot less for their money/ debt than we used too. To be honest, I’d only encourage attending university now if the degree apprenticeship route is unavailable for what you want to study.

I think the parents themselves pay a part in whether its worthwhile or not. If you are the constantly tracking, judging, curfew type parent... maybe its best giving them some space.

If you accept the 3am coming home, drunk, making mistakes and letting them get independence... then it isn't a problem

DH stayed at home as all of his friends (Scottish city). One of his friends did have a flat in the second year but moved home after that. It was completely normal for them.
The only issue I had is DH got far too wrapped up in his parents way of doing things, that took time to undo.

I went away at 18. I did want to leave home but I was miserable in halls. The girl next to me was a bitch and when I didn’t think the sun shone out of her arse she bullied me and turned others against me. I had to live with awful strangers in year 2. Really I should have moved rooms but I was so shy I wouldn’t have done it. I was unprepared to solve problems at that age. Maybe if I’d been close to my mum i might have spoken to her about it and come up with some solutions. I also got drunk and got myself into nearly some dangerous situations. I didn’t do well in general, I think I could have done with a year of work before I went to develop some skills and have some independence.

It really depends on the person. I went away to university as it was 'the done thing' and I was assured I'd have the 'best time of my life'.

I hated it. The drink, the drugs, the casual sex. The freezing cold, filthy housing. Not being able to afford to eat properly. I couldn't wait to leave. I lived on my own for years after and it was absolute bliss!

If my DD wanted to go to university and live in halls I wouldn't stop her but I'd give her the truth about what it can be like and let her decide if that's what she wants.

I personally don't think you need to live like a student to learn life skills.

I'm in Ireland. Geographical proximity to university is one of the key determinants of secondary school students progressing to university straight from school even with grants available for fees and accommodation. Housing is in short supply and the quantity of student accommodation falls far short of what is needed even though more and more dedicated student accommodation is being built each year. There are two Universities in our town with parts of the campuses spread across the urban area and beyond. And, there are some excellent colleges of further education too.

DD had maximum points in her Leaving Cert and would probably have been offered any course she would have been interested in here in Ireland or abroad. She chose a course offered in our local university. She has a weekend job and is able to save towards a car which she will likely need for a job and towards a house deposit in the longer term. Her course is niche and tiny, only about 25 students in all. A handful of mature students including graduates from other disciplines, about half the rest are in student accommodation and the remainder commute from home. No-one on her course living in commuting distance is in student accommodation.

From her year at school, I would estimate that at least 90% progressed to university locally, about 5% to university in another town or abroad, and the remainder to a college of further education. So DD has lots of friends around campus to meet for lunch or brunch or a cup of coffee.

DD is managing her own time and studies. She gets herself off to uni and work on time. She'll make her own lunch if she is home at that time. She does benefit from a hot meal in the evening and having her laundry done, because we are a family and it makes more economic sense to operate that way. However, she is a competent cook and does know how to operate the washing machine. She can be trusted to run the house if we are away, minding the dog and keeping an eye on her siblings. Living at home gives her an opportunity to maintain her hobbies too. She is not averse to having fun but has no interest in the heavy drinking culture that lots of students chase. All going well, she will graduate without debt. She would say herself that she does realise how lucky she is.

She will have a lot of placements as part of her course and most of this will be away from home so that will be a good experience for her. And, like many Irish students, she will probably take advantage of a J1 visa and spend a summer in the U.S. too.