Is it good for uni students to live away from home?

[UniStu]

DD is applying for unis for next year. She is considering living at home and commuting to a local uni to cut down on living costs. Will this make it more difficult for her to make good friends with other students if she stays living at home? Obviously, we will support whichever option she chooses.

So glad mine went away.

They both came back completely independent, good cooks, good with money, good with time management and with friends for life. Neither lived back at home permanently for more than 18 months before leaving home.

great relationship with both.

Personally I couldn’t think of anything worse than living at home for university! I had the absolute time of my life at uni!

My teen will probably commute from home to Uni. We’re fortunate to live close to a uni offering a really well ranked course in her subject.

She's an A* student and loves what she wants to do but has struggled with her mental health in the last couple of years and doesn’t feel strong enough to leave home just yet. Whatever she needs to do is fine by me.

I think it would be excellent life experience and to help gain independence

Not getting this setup.

Both mine were in mixed sex halls with flats of between 6-10 students who very soon become your mates and family. Bathrooms and showers were mixed sex but had locks and no one needed to or in fact walked around in towels. You may not have got on with everyone and some flat sharers had relationships but all the students were a similar age and sexual harassment wouldn’t have been tolerated at all in such a close environment.

how the fuck did someone climb in your bedroom window, I wouldn’t leave a bedroom window open at home or a hotel if someone could climb in it!

a good parent brings their children up to have and also to respect boundaries.

DH lived at home (London), I moved away (to Norwich). I couldn’t have stayed at home as my degree was fairly unusual 30 years ago and DH had no need to move. That said, our experiences were incomparable: I’m still good friends with my university housemates and friends, genuinely feel that they were an amazing time. DH regards his time as a continuation of school really. He talks more about his post-grad time, when he did leave home.

DS is in his first term, lives in halls as he is seven hours away. I dropped off a stroppy teenager In September, who resented everything and couldn’t wait to get away. In October I was welcomed to his flat, which was clean and tidy (not just his room), walked around campus etc. The change in 6 weeks was remarkable.

It’s all about personal choice and what is possible in individual circumstances but for us, moving away has been a great decision.

Sorry you went through that terrible experience years ago. That's awful. I found it was single sex flats in halls where I went.

My second stint at uni I stayed at home so completely different experience again.

In Ireland alot of students (including my own) live at home for uni. My two at uni male their own food, wash their clothes, go out when they want, sometimes crash at friends when there is a boozy night (but sometimes get the bus home), have a job, and are becoming independent adults as I am being hands off with them. It is the culture here tbf. They are making friends and enjoying themselves while living at home. They rarely meet their school friends.

I think if she does live at home you should encourage all the life skills and encourage joining societies etc and hanging out with classmates as much as possible to encourage the uni experience. I would also encourage budgeting and being hands off as a parent.

I was able to move out of home after uni as an independent adult. I dont think living in halls is an essential part of life, but as I said it is a culture here.

And I would think having limited or nondebt leaving uni also confers some advantages which could help establish an independent adult life.

I think it very much depends on the child and what suits them. Uni these days only involves alcohol if that is what you want. There seems to be a lot less social pressure to conform. Having said that I think you would need to be fairly relaxed as parents to put up with the late nights putting the world to right. It would be very different coming home at 2 in the morning compared to going back to your room in halls at that time. Or sometimes not coming home. It probably also depends on the university. If it is somewhere known for its home students then it is likely that the population adapts to that scenario.

Your child will learn more about living independently at university but some 18 year olds still need the structure and support of their family to successfully navigate a degree and there is nothing wrong with that.

Mine was in halls for her first year. Hated it so much she dropped out. Went back the next year to start again but commute from home (an hour each way) and is absolutely loving it this time. She’s outgoing, has loads of friends, deals with her own finances, cooks and cleans at home and is holding down a busy part time job. Not sure what else she’d have got from living away and being unhappy.

I thought my dd would find it all too much.

She was the year of the first cancelled GSCEs, no eighteenth birthday night our because we were in lockdown. No extra curriculars at sixth form because of Covid. I just felt like her world was small. How would she manage cooking every meal for herself, shopping, washing etc as well as all of the academic side but she's thrived.

She navigated her way through a tricky house mate in halls and now she's in second year. She's just having so much fun.

I lived away for Uni and it was one of the best experiences of my life, my younger brother is living at home and that works for him, he likes home comforts and is able to work alongside it.
i thought living away was amazing but it won’t be for everyone and it is definitely down to what your daughter thinks is best for her. That being said try if she’s staying home because of a boyfriend/girlfriend literally everyone I know who went to uni with a boyfriend/girlfriend broke up within the first year and the few I know who stayed together they were all long distance and made it work! (I am sure there are exceptions to the rule just speaking from experience)

Living away from home is an amazing experience! It teaches you so much, you make friends, you learn to navigate adulthood. Absolutely essential in my opinion

I lived away but my cousins in Australia lived at home as that was very much the norm there.

I hated living in student accommodation and in hindsight I would have been happier with my own place, or commuting in.

Student life isn't for everyone.

I'm not sure why people are denying @Ardith experience. I certainly experienced elements of this. I don't think we should romanticise the moving away. It isn't always a good experience everyone. I ended up quite traumatised by a house share where one the girls ended up dating a violent bully. I couldn't have predicted that and the university were useless.

My son's stayed at home but lived pretty much independently. Kept his own timetable, no curfews, did his own cooking and laundry.

He now lives independently (moved out at 22) and is fully independent - never knew returned with a bag of laundry for example!

My daughter is applying for universities far away from home. It's up to her, of course, but I can't help but think of the extortionate accommodation costs!

My brother went to our local uni and lived at home for the first year then went into a house share second year (I don't think you could get a place in halls if you were local).

I don't think people are denying it - just trying to reassure the OP that these situations don't happen to the majority of students as thankfully they don't. I 100% believe the poster but wanted to reassure the OP that I didn't know anyone at uni that this happened to. Your child flying the nest is a worrying time. A bit of reassurance doesn't go amiss. I am really sorry for the poster who went through what she went through. It sounds awful and it should never have happened.

I don't think it is 'essential'.

Only about 40% of young people go to university, so for a start that means 60% don't have the 'living away at uni' experience.
Furthermore although it is good is it worth the ?£8000+ per year it costs?

I have a friend whose DC age 18 has decided to do a degree with the OU whilst working - she wants the education but not student life or debt. I can see their point.

Depends on the person and the degree. I'm from Manchester so stayed at home. I kept up with my part time job, could still see my old mates and made new ones. I moved to Liverpool once I qualified and now live in Scotland so I disagree that it means said child will always want to stay near home. I saved money, my institution had a fab reputation and was leading in my degree subject.

A friend commuted from Leeds, it meant she was always rushing about after lectures to make a train and whilst she was rarely ever late she didn't socialise much at all in the evenings. My brother commuted to Liverpool whilst doing Medicine. He managed for the first 2 years but then got a flat with friends which made his life so much easier.

I wouldn't do a commute involving a train journey as I'd say that's just too far, too much time wasted.It is easier if your degree has less contact time but if you have placements etc then it's difficult to manage. I was very independent despite living at home, it definitely depends on the person's temperament.

My 18 year old is at local uni. Nearly 50% of the students are living at home. Made lots of friends and only difference is they sleep at home, which is nice and tidy and well furnished! They are having 5 over in the day this week to have a big lunch party as we have the best kitchen of all the friends.

There's a long time being an independent adult, literally the whole of the rest of their life. A couple more years at home is not holding anyone back. Massive financial saving as well.

I agree, if it's so life-changing, why don't we encourage all 18 year-olds to move out for 3 years?

Sorry but quite a lot of people have a difficult experience at university. It's such a myth that it's the "best days of your life".
Lots of people have mental health problems or experience a trauma of some sort. They might put on a brave face though.

You only have to look at the current news headlines re Bristol to know that things can go horribly wrong. And Bristol University are fighting the idea they have a duty of care to students 🤷‍♀️

I agree it can be a good experience but I think for many it is actually a mixed experience at best.