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Original poster

Disappointed, let down and confused…

87 replies

popfizzle1028 · 08/12/2023 23:21

I met a guy last week when I was out and he seemed so nice. We had a good time together, swapped numbers and have been messaging since. We arranged a date for tonight but he cancelled at lunchtime saying he was too hungover but did ask to re-arrange. I gave him days when I was free, including this weekend, and he just hasn’t replied…

I know this probably sounds over-dramatic, sensitive, silly bla bla bla.. but I feel so crap about the situation. He’s been keen all week, saying he was looking forward to the date. I’ve got my hopes up and I just think he’s either going to ghost me, or say he doesn’t want to go on a date anymore.

I just don’t understand why men act like this? How can he change his mind so quickly? I find it pretty hurtful and everytime I think I’ve met a nice guy who I genuinely click with, and I thought this guy was one of them, they pull away. It does nothing for my self confidence. Please be kind in your replies. I know I have to work on my own self validation first but I honestly think sometimes I’m never, ever going to find a partner. This has happened too many times this year and I’m losing faith.

OP posts:

CheekyHobson · 10/12/2023 08:55

even my best friend who has dated hundreds of men, still thinks this situation is weird, and quite frankly, a bit harsh because his change in behaviour came out of nowhere.

Its true that the change in behaviour came out of the blue, but the learning you’re looking for is that the important change was cancelling the date, not ghosting after asking for what other days you’d be free.

You won’t ever know for sure why he changed; it could be any number of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with you. So don’t get hung up on what went wrong.

ManAboutTown · 10/12/2023 09:01

Women do behave like this too.

The hungover excuse is either a lie to cover up something else or if it is true ought to be a red flag. I used to go out drinking a lot - can only think of once or twice when I would have been too bad to go out the following evening

Original poster

popfizzle1028 · 10/12/2023 09:32

I would love to call out his behaviour, I really would. I need to learn to be less trusting of men, and not believe everything they say 😞

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships

Roselilly36 · 10/12/2023 09:33

Sorry you have been treated like this OP. Just learn from it. I would imagine he’s hedging his bets. Ignore him if he gets in touch. He isn’t the nice man you thought he was. I hope you met someone genuine soon.

Original poster

popfizzle1028 · 10/12/2023 09:40

@Roselilly36 do you mean not rejecting me incase he’s horny one day and wants attention? Yeah it wouldn’t surprise me if he gets back in touch in a few days or even out of the blue. Well he can sod off!! And thank you 🥺

OP posts:

SnowyMcSnowball · 10/12/2023 09:47

Definitely don't be tempted to text him.
He knows how to get in touch if he wants to.
If he doesn't just move on and accept it. You don't know him, even though you feel like you do. It could be nothing personal at all, maybe he's rekindled things with an ex, he could even have a wife or girlfriend! There's a myriad of reasons people disappear into the abyss.
From years of rubbish dating (now happily married) the best advice I can give you is don't listen to 'words'. Watch their actions.

Roselilly36 · 10/12/2023 09:49

@popfizzle1028 yes, he knows you are keen, so he’s keeping you on ice, while he is up to whatever he’s up to. Definitely don’t get in touch with him, and ignore him when he gets in touch, and he probably will at some point. Don’t waste anymore time on him plenty more fish in the sea.

Original poster

popfizzle1028 · 10/12/2023 11:38

Yeah I do have a feeling he might message in a few days…. urgh it’s just so draining dating nowadays!!

OP posts:

Original poster

popfizzle1028 · 21/12/2023 09:56

In case anyone is interested in this story… he never messaged me! He just completely ghosted me out of the blue even though in the days leading up to the date he said he was looking forward to seeing me etc. I’ve been ghosted before but I could tell it was coming… but with this guy, this was really bizarre / a harsh way to act!

OP posts:

rainbowstardrops · 21/12/2023 09:59

Although it's shit and you're obviously upset and disappointed, put a different spin on it and consider how lucky you've been not to get roped into his immature shenanigans!

Roselilly36 · 21/12/2023 11:10

@popfizzle1028 his loss OP

PaminaMozart · 21/12/2023 11:25

Apologies - I don't have time to read the whole thread.
But I agree with @Theredfoxfliesatmidnight and others with similar advice.
You need to have a life that does not depend on some random male offering you a date to make it complete.

If no one has suggested this yet, Women Who Love Too Much is the book you need to read, @popfizzle1028

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