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A moral dilemma - what would you do?

128 replies

TheTripThatWasnt · 30/11/2023 09:21

Have name changed, as this is identifiable. I tried to change details, but it all got too far from the original scenario to be useful. Be warned - it's long, but don't want to drip feed down the line.

Here's the situation...

A, B and C have been friends for 30 years (since Uni). They don't see each other that much any more (living several hours from each other), but they're regularly in contact, and when they meet up it's like they've never been apart. All have quite different lives/lifestyles, but all are in good jobs, financially secure, and don't need to 'worry' about money.

A and B are 50 soon (C was 50 in lockdown), so they decided to go away for the weekend to celebrate, and a trip on Eurostar was booked.

In the night, the night before they were travelling, A's husband had a bad accident and broke several bones. A spent the night with him in A&E, then he had to be admitted overnight. He was due to be released on the next morning (the day of travel), but was completely immobile and needed care at home (plus they have a young son). This meant A couldn't travel.

B&C faced a dilemma - to go anyway, or to cancel. Travel and first night's hotel were non-refundable. They felt that going was definitely not the right thing to do (seeing as celebrating A's birthday was a big part of the reason for going). But both called their travel insurance providers to see what they said.

Both travel insurance companies agreed that yes, their policy should cover them for this scenario (both B&C were very clear about the exact circumstances, and the reason that A couldn't travel), but that until a claim was submitted it was impossible to say 100%. On the strength of both insurance cos giving off the right vibes, B&C did the 'right thing' and the trip was cancelled.

All 3 then submitted insurance claims.
A's paid out straight away - no quibble from her insurer that she couldn't travel as her husband had the accident.
B's claim was initially rejected, B appealed, citing the call from the day of travel, but the underwriter still rejected it.
C's claim was initially rejected. C appealed, citing the call she'd made that morning. Her insurer agreed that she was given false information on the call, and therefore paid out.

B's insurer are not being as 'nice' as C's. They are saying that on the call they said it couldn't be guaranteed, and because B is not related to the person who had the accident, she isn't covered. They are not disputing the fact that A couldn't travel and therefore there are reasonable grounds for cancelling the trip.

Herein lies the dilemma. A and C are not out of pocket (apart from their excess), but B has lost all the money from the trip. All 3 have the same policy wording on their documents (so they don't have different insurance), but the different insurers have handled it differently.

Should A&C offer to share some of their refund with B? Clearly they don't have to - all 3 are independent of each other, and are financially responsible for their own costs of the trip. But would it be the nice thing to do to split the loss 3 ways and share the recovered funds 3 ways?

OP posts:
squeekychicken · 30/11/2023 11:10

If I was B I'd just take the hit. I wouldn't expect others to pay. However I'd have probably spoken to A first before cancelling. If I knew I was going to potentially lose the money I'd have still gone with C, as crap as it was for A.

clpsmum · 30/11/2023 11:13

Almondsupreme · 30/11/2023 09:23

Yes , split the loss 3 ways

Yes absolutely this. But also if none of them have any money worries and are all comfortable then it's not a major friendship breaker either

drowninginsunshine · 30/11/2023 11:18

Are you b or c?

TheTripThatWasnt · 30/11/2023 11:19

drowninginsunshine · 30/11/2023 11:18

Are you b or c?

Interesting that you don't think I'm A!

OP posts:
TheTripThatWasnt · 30/11/2023 11:24

squeekychicken · 30/11/2023 11:10

If I was B I'd just take the hit. I wouldn't expect others to pay. However I'd have probably spoken to A first before cancelling. If I knew I was going to potentially lose the money I'd have still gone with C, as crap as it was for A.

A, B and C all spoke together before cancelling (on a 3 way call). At that point, B&C didn't think they were going to lose out because they had spoken to their insurers.

B & C technically could still have gone, but it's pretty crappy to go on a weekend to celebrate a birthday without the person whose birthday it is. BUT - if the insurance had given a flat no from the outset then B&C probably would have gone just for 1 night.

OP posts:
WaltzingWaters · 30/11/2023 11:28

I think it should have been discussed a bit more before cancelling the trip. To say something along the lines of “if some of us get the insurance accepted and some don’t, let’s split that and put towards a new trip when we can all travel”.

Would A be the type of person to be annoyed if they had gone without her? did she suggest they all cancel? Did she say, “as I’ll definitely get the insurance claim but you may not, you should still go”.

I understand a lot was going on though and so it was a quick decision.

Ultimately though, yes, it should all be split 3 ways and use that money to put towards a new trip/day out.

mindutopia · 30/11/2023 11:38

I think they can do whatever they feel happy doing. If I was B, personally, I would never raise it with C and certainly not A that I was expecting the cost to be shared. And actually, even if either of them suggested it, I would turn that offer down. B (or C) could have still taken the trip, but chose not to. I think insurance is a tricky thing and never guaranteed and I wouldn't make a decision about travel on the assumption that cost could be refundable. I'd just accept it as one of those things.

Now if A and/or C wanted to suggest contributing to some of B's cost, sure, fine. I don't think A or C should make the offer on behalf of the other though - A probably has other expenses right now that are more of a priority. But as B, I would still say no and accept it was the risk I took and not my friends' responsibility to help me cover those costs.

HoHoHoliday · 30/11/2023 11:41

Ohh, very unfortunate circumstances! I hope A's husband is now recovering well.

If I was B, I would appeal again to the insurance provider, including copies of something from C showing their insurance paid out for exactly the same circumstance.
Beyond that, I would put it down to bad luck and would change my insurance provider before travelling again.
No, I would not expect A and C to share their payout with me. It's their money that they spent and they had refunded. They should not be out of pocket because B's insurance provider turned out to be rubbish.

If I was A or C, I would not offer to share my refunded money. However, when it comes to rebooking the birthday trip I would offer to treat B to something, perhaps cover the cost of the Eurostar or cover one of the nights in the hotel.

Dontgivemeplants · 30/11/2023 11:44

Tell us who you are! I bet you're A

Twoshoesnewshoes · 30/11/2023 11:51

Same as @HoHoHoliday
i would not except or offer money, unless B is notably hard up.
but I would treat them to travel or something on the next trip.

LaurieStrode · 30/11/2023 11:52

bigpawsjames · 30/11/2023 09:41

Imaging invoicing your friend because her husband had a serious accident. No. B is not short of cash and should accept a shit thing happened. But not to her!

Exactly. How tacky to even be discussing this amongst themselves.

B could have selected a different insurer. In her shoes, I'd shut down the discussion immediately and move on.

Riverlee · 30/11/2023 11:54

Another option would be that A and B use their money to fund another trip or day out for all three of them?

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 30/11/2023 11:54

I think it's only fair for the costs / loss to be shared equally . I don't understand why you all seem to have separate insurance though .

Annasoror · 30/11/2023 11:54

If I were B and C I'd have gone on the trip, since A's husband was not seriously ill. If I were A I wouldn't have minded at all.
If I were C I wouldn't at all expect anyone else to help with my financial loss nd would probably say 'no, it's fine', but I'd feel touched the offer had been made.

Annasoror · 30/11/2023 11:55

Sorry - if I were B, I mean.

WinteryWonderland · 30/11/2023 12:01

Yes definitely. Good friends would share this situation and help B out if financially able. Not really a moral decision as such, just the nice thing to do for a good friend I think.

TheTripThatWasnt · 30/11/2023 12:02

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 30/11/2023 11:54

I think it's only fair for the costs / loss to be shared equally . I don't understand why you all seem to have separate insurance though .

Everyone has their own insurance as they all have annual policies. Fairly standard set up. Insurance will only cover those named on the policy (fair enough) so all had to claim against their own policy. No issues (from anyone) on that front.

OP posts:
user14699084785 · 30/11/2023 12:02

I think B and C should have probably carried on with the trip as not a serious accident. I’m surprised that the insurance paid out for anyone other than A, i wouldn't have been surprised if they’d have balked at her claim too, as ‘only’ a broken leg of family member.

If i was B, it’d be lovely if you offered to split, but i”d refuse. (But i can afford to)

BigBoysDontCry · 30/11/2023 12:06

I think I'd forget about the insurance money and refunding and instead rebook the trip with A and C covering the cost for B.

partypartypartytime · 30/11/2023 12:07

As B I would not expect the others to pay me and as A and C I would not offer.

Whataretheodds · 30/11/2023 12:11

I'm sure my travel insurance refers to "you or someone travelling with you" being unable to travel on medical grounds. Maybe it would be different if A had been hospitalised rather than A's husband.

B has pushed it as far as they can with their insurer including complaining to the regulator? There should have been a leaflet on how to do this with the final response letter received by B from the insurer.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 30/11/2023 12:12

If I were A and/or C, I’d make plans to rebook and then tell B that I/we would cover some of her share to even things up over the two trips.

MilkChocolateCookie · 30/11/2023 12:14

It depends a little bit on what was said on the call. Was A saying "I'm gutted I can't come but you two should go anyway and have a good time" or was she encouraging them to cancel?

FloydPepper · 30/11/2023 12:15

Snowpake · 30/11/2023 09:29

If I was C I would go halves with B and leave A out of it

Yes probably this.

minipie · 30/11/2023 12:16

I don’t think A should be treated the same as C. A has all the difficulties of dealing with a badly injured husband, C doesn’t.

I agree with a PP that C has been surprisingly lucky to get her money back (and only due to wrong advice on phone call). If I were C I would feel I should offer to share my refund with B. If I were B I would accept if I’m a bit skint and say thanks but no need if I’m not.