Mother in Laws

[NowNumber5]

Or is it Mothers in Law? 🤨 (I think it is)

Anyway, inspired by a comment from @Teambyron on the Lakeland thread -

Does anyone actually like their mother in law?

I honestly do love mine. And I know the feeling is reciprocated because she has always maintained that if me and DH ever split up, she’d keep me over him 🤭

Please share your perspective if you are a MiL! How do you feel about your DiL or SiL?

Been NC for a long time. Snobby, didactic and full of anger and hate. Church going hypocrite. Been retired decades since her 30’s yet criticised me for being lazy at a time when I was working full time while having very aggressive treatment. Mind boggling. Stepford wife.

I've had 2.

My ex MIL, I'd known since I was 6 years old, and I married her son at 21. Looking back, I made a lot of mistakes in my relationship with her and I could have fostered a much closer relationship. I was busy as a new mum and, to my discredit, probably kept her at arm's length. We could have been closer.

Unfortunately she's not spoken to me for close to 20 years now, since I ended my relationship with her son.
She now has dementia, and if she forgets she hates me, I'd have a cup of tea with her. I'm sad how it all ended.

My 2nd marriage, 15 years, my MIL is wonderful, my best friend. She would do anything to help us out, and I'd do anything for her. We go on holidays together. She's slowing down, getting older but still the same wonderful mum and friend. My turn now to do that bit more for her.

I'm not close to my own mum.

I hope, if I'm ever a MIL myself, I'll try my hardest to be a good one.

My MIL was my best friend and the mum I had always wished for. She got on better with me than any of her children, which DH found amusing. She passed away and I still really miss her. My mum is awful and I'm NC with her, so I have no mum figure in my life and my children don't have a gran.

Unpopular opinion.

Many mother in laws are unpleasant to partners they don't feel worthy of their child.

I think there is also somewhat of a double standard, where a woman is 'allowed' to maintain a close relationship with her parents, but it is a shameful or controlling thing if a man is close to his mum; often labelled a mummy's boy on MN.

Unfortunately we just never seemed to have a connection from the day I first met her. To me she is quite cold and difficult to be around. Not easy to relax in her company.

She needs to remember she has 3 children but my DH always seems to be the one who is treated differently (although he would never speak up which causes conflict between us).

She's not awful - just not my cup of tea!!

I get on with mine as well as I would with most women I meet randomly who are of a different generation, level of education, life experience, social class and politics to me. We're cordial. And that's OK. Her relationship is with her ds and her grandchildren. They are the one as that are important to her and who have the shared history with. And they all love each other-and that's great. I think there is sometimes too much expectation on both sides I do think sometimes as well, we find it hard to let go of our sons and to work out how much we have to let go. We also find it hard to be OK about our dps having relationships with other women-particularly a woman who has known him longer than we have, and has so much shared history. So aim for cordial- anything else is a bonus. And remember that your MIL is still your dp's mother. And your DIL already has her own mother.

No, mines a wolf in sheep's clothing who drains every last bit of you dry .

Everyone is different with different personalities. Some of them are MILs. So it makes sense that some will be good or not so good or else that some relationships will go well and others not so well. Like any other person and relationship.

Mine is deceased and I never met her.

Mine is a wonderful lady. She loves and treats me as one of her own, she is always willing to help out with my child (looks after him one day a week and also ad hoc for a evening etc) and thinks the world of him. She doesn’t (generally) tread on toes, overstep or cast judgement but rather she’s supportive and understanding. She can sometimes be a bit inclined to think her life is terribly hard and she gets stressed and frazzled easily but I do love her. We live very close by and see her a few times a week.

My MIL was a suffocating woman who had no respect for me or her son. My DH finds his MIL fine.

I have a son in law and I'm really pleased my DD found him. He is a perfect fit and I care for him a lot. Apparently he likes me just fine and has no problems with us.

Mine is a bit Janus-faced.

She (& FIL) have been very generous with us on the ‘big’ stuff. Helped us buy a house, have been generous with their time like when we moved in, now that we have a baby on the way they’re very excited and I’m sure will be very involved grandparents, albeit I have my suspicions that their approach to it will be very different to my parents.

However on the ‘small’ stuff, she can be very difficult. As they live abroad either we or they need to stay for a few days, and she’s hard to live with. Very controlling around food (a concern with DC on the way), rigid in routines, nonstop chatter, overly tight with small pleasures, makes no real emotional effort for family occasions but loudly plays the martyr as regards organisation etc.

Swings & roundabouts really! I’m grateful to both PIL and do like them. But I’m glad I don’t have to physically see them too often!

My husband loved my mother so much that he cannot talk about her without choking up. When she was on her deathbed he visited her, and her face lit up and the both held hands. His mother and I had a more fraught relationship. She was so hard on me, and criticised me for so many things. Her daughters rejected her and both said they did not love her. This makes me sad for my MIL, who was a SAHM to four children. I was always nice to my MIL.

That reads like a snide comment. Was it, or were you being genuine?

I love mine. I see her more than my own mother due to proximity. I don’t really buy in to the theory that women turn into complete bastards just because they’ve had a son!

Sounds exactly like mine.

My in-laws are lovely people but very hard to live with, extremely set in their ways, spoiled and controlling. But we get on fine on the whole.

My MiL was lovely, but she died too young. 🙁
Having only 4 boys - it was a very ‘male’ household - I think she was so grateful for anyone who took the slightest interest in e.g. her new kitchen curtains.

My DD’s MiL is also lovely.

Mine is snobby and selfish. She's very bitter toward most people and always the victim.

I'm gutted as I'd always hoped to have a lovely mil. My own mum is fab and I'd wanted a mil who could make us a trio for things like wedding planning and family events.
Sadly mil and her wider family are openly snobby and rude to my family and want everything on their terms so it wasn't to be.

I try to keep the peace and be outwardly pleasant and patient even when I'm crying inside, for the sake of DH who loves her and to encourage a relationship with my dc as despite her faults she does love them and clearly wants to be a good grandma.

I love my MIL, all of DH's family actually (although he's not always so keen on them!)

She's very respectful of our relationship and always tries to do things to make life easier for us.

She dotes on DS, but doesn't interfere.

Plenty of things about her drive me up the wall, but overall I'm very glad to have her in my life.

Your post was lovely.

Is Thelma in a bad mood?

I've come down with a rotten illness and DH is currently away with work for two days. My MIL came over at 7.30, scooped up the DC and took them to nursery

She then came back and brought me up some tea, toast and some medication she had picked up and insisted I stay in bed

She's currently cleaning my kitchen, getting me a hot water bottle and I can smell the beginnings of chicken soup. She'll no doubt take the dog out too as she loves him almost as much as me 😊

I adore her. My mum will always be my mum but she is absolutely second to my own.

@C1N1C "Many mother in laws are unpleasant to partners they don't feel worthy of their child."

To be honest, I'd find it pretty difficult to be pleasant to someone who was treating my child badly. But somehow MILs are supposed to not get involved-to honour their adult children's relationships. Speaking as someone who managed to get my dd out of an abusive, violent relationship (he ended up in prison, so not my imagination) I'm not sure I always agree!

I’m glad it’s not just me!

I’m appreciative of them but when we’re together it’s like, get me out of here ASAP and I can go back to liking you at a distance

They’re coming to visit this weekend so that’s probably why I’m extra-aware of it!

Mine isn't awful but equally isn't my favourite person!

We get on fine generally but she can be difficult at times and then gets stroppy when we we put boundaries in place.

SIL on the other hand I love to bits (and she has the same issues with MIL and is generally on 'our side' when she is being unreasonable).

I love my MIL, she is the sweetest, most helpful, thoughtful woman. Just love her to bits.

I loved mine. She was kind, helpful, generous and fun. We were proper friends and she was a fabulous grandma. She lived next door to us for 10yrs until she died at 96. I miss her lots.