Decent responses ti 'I didn't ask to be born'

[arethereanyleftatall]

Hi. As the title suggests. 'Well you chose to have me' is my 15yo's response to any time I point out that maybe it would be nice to show a teeny bit of gratitude to whatever massive thing I'm doing for her that day. Does anyone have any good come backs?

Oh they’re coming for you! How dare you have a fun, humorous relationship with your kids.

My kids are still in primary school, so not at that stage yet, but it was definitely one of my well used phrases as a teen. More in my head or in my journal than out loud.

I think that @minipie has the answer nailed, no but you did ask to go to the party. It very simply shoes the direct connection between the task and response.

To the tiresome poster who suggested public transport or legs/bikes, perhaps you have forgotten a large percentage of the population live in rural areas where this isn’t possible. Every weekend I drive my Dd (also 15) to her club which is a 75 min drive away (she rows, we don’t live near a decent river!), sit there for 2 hours, drive back again. Saturday and Sunday. She can’t do it without us taking her as there’s no other way to get there. She loves going and it makes her happy, so we are happy to facilitate, but yes, every now and then an appreciation that my whole day has been taken up with it wouldn’t go amiss.

OP I HEAR YOU!

@VORE - I agree with your list apart from the laundry. You do need to ensure that they have clean clothes, that's basic care*. The other points, and the difference between them, are all valid.
*Yes I know teens can use a washing machine, but they don't always manage the logistics well...

The reason why my dcs used their bikes is BECAUSE we are quite rural with no public transport 😂😂

Mumsnet is great. I have read every response, and processed them all, thank you for taking the time. Strategy -

1. Light hearted jokey responses for if the mood allows
2. Get tougher on her where possible - to lower the expectations a bit as to what is reasonable. So if ever she can get somewhere by bike/public transport (not very often but occasional circumstances could) that should be the norm, so a lift will elicit a thanks.
3. I'm loving the very simple separation of what must be done as a parent vs I'm doing this extra thing to make your life nicer. Loving @minipie very simple response above.

Taken from this thread -

It's normal that teenagers are shit bags sometimes - we all were, but love our mums now and appreciate them.

Do better at being calm and assertive.

Thank you, have a lovely Saturday evening, I'm off to pick dd up 😂

I love your response. I was coming on to say the same thing. I've had 3 teen girls and it's just no point trying to floor them with a sarcastic reply. It's a phase they go through and soon come out of it.

"Oh don't be such a twat, I'd hardly choose it RIGHT NOW would I "?

Oh yes, because the subject of abortion and saying you wish you had aborted your child is such a hilarious joke to have with your fun loving teens. Must be a barrel of laughs in your house...

"Nobody asks to be born, it's impossible. So you're in the same situation as everyone else."

A lot of people are much more tolerant than me 😂.

I'd probably go for "No you didn't ask to be born but now you're here, it's my job to make sure you end up as a decent human being who respects and appreciates others. And at times like this, I'm doubting myself, to be honest".

You are lovely. I take this approach too.

Just this morning to a very grumpy 15 yo

I hear ya, but as the expected bringer of AirPods this Christmas I say clear up your crap!

I would of been irritated by the response pre parenting teens but but sadly is very wise advice, if your expecting any gratitude during this stage you are setting yourself up for a fall and a lot of resentment. Best way to understand it is their brain turns into spaghetti but eventually it organises itself and they usually come out the other end as decent people. They will often appreciate what you did for them during this time later on or even if they don’t you will have the satisfaction of seeing that not all of your efforts were as futile as they felt

No one asks to be born.

'Nobody does. And that has no bearing on this situation'