Decent responses ti 'I didn't ask to be born'

[arethereanyleftatall]

Hi. As the title suggests. 'Well you chose to have me' is my 15yo's response to any time I point out that maybe it would be nice to show a teeny bit of gratitude to whatever massive thing I'm doing for her that day. Does anyone have any good come backs?

My reply is 'neither did I' and then carry on with the convo

Probably not helpful right now, but I remember having similar thoughts as a teenager, for which I am now deeply ashamed, and I’m very grateful for everything my mum did for me!

"I know. If I'd known how much hassle it would be I'd have bought a kidney on the black market, it's just as good as a live donor."

Use your very best treacly twee mummy voice and say “oh no I’m so sorry, sweetums, but Mummy is so vewwy pleased you were born because you are Mummy’s specialist wickle angel-kins”. Bonus points if you say it in public/in front of her friends.

This is great.

But also, try to ride it out. I was a similarly mouthy teenager and am so embarrassed by what a bitch I was. My mum was a saint and I've been telling her that often for the last 15 or so years.

My comment was tongue in cheek.

Legs. Bike.

You don't expect me to send you back do you?

I would respond

" And I didn't ask for the effect birthing you had on my vagina... But you make it all worth while"

Maybe that's just me...

`I didn't actually, you were a mistake, but I've learned to live with it'.

"Gosh, neither did I! Shall we draft a complaint to Granny and Grandad? How shall we say it? What's the nature of the complaint?"

Sit expectantly with pen and paper...

“Yes, but I’ve now changed my mind..shall I just give you away? “
With an innocent smile

These have made me smile!! Thank you everyone x

Nobody asks to be born but some people are capable of being respectful, grateful and capable of seeing how lucky they are'.

If she carries on, sign her up to do some washing up with you at a homeless shelter or take her to donate to a food bank. Sounds like she needs a bit of a head wobble.

I'd just get bloody cross at the rudeness/ungateful cheek of it! I wouldn't try to engage in any tit for tat with crap like that.

Depending on the specific issue, i'd respond with something like:
''well you can get yourself to the fucking party next time!''

not particularly witty, i grant you, but my 4 DDs would know i meant it.

For info. they're aged between 10 to 30.

Indeed, the gift of life was given to you entirely without an expectation of gratitude. Unlike...... insert whatever you have done for her that requires a thank you.

But seriously, teens and gratitude are water and oil. Give her 20 years and kids of her own.

When she says “I didn’t ask to be born” say “nope but you’re here now so we’ll have to crack on”

Stop doing the extra stuff for her.

My DD16 stopped doing chores. I gave her some space initially but still no chores.

eventually I started a "work to rule" and stopped all the extras I do for her including lifts, running around etc.

She said "I know you hate me". I explained of course I didn't hate her, but when she stops contributing to our household but expects me to do everything plus run around after her I start to feel resentful towards her. Which I don't like. So in order to manage my own negative emotions I stop disrupting my day and schedule to accommodate her and I stop all the running around. So I no longer feel resentful towards her and it helps me chill about her lack of chores.

She's astonished but gets it.

She is now cleaning the bathroom.

Last time my teen said it, I just replied that he was better than to come out with such childish nonsense and I walked away, he has not said it since...

Some of these responses 🤢

Honestly it's pathetic that people are trying to win against a teenager.

It should never be "against" a teenager. You're the adult FFS, maybe you'd have less entitled mouthy kid moments to deal with if you modelled mature adult behaviour instead of pushing her around to do things you want her to do and then demanding gratitude for things she never asked you to do then having to have the last word with self-esteem destroying put-downs that no one over the age of 13 would think is a good idea to actually say to another human.

i think the issue is that you are mixing up two very separate parts of parenting (especially at her age):

1. things you should do as a good mother and not expect gratitude for

• making her meals for her
• making sure there is food in the fridge for her
• taking her to and from school
• Taking her to and from extra curricular activities
• buying her shower gel, tooth paste, tampons etc
• Giving her love and affection

2. things you do out of the kindness of your heart to make your child’s life more enjoyable and should expect gratitude for or for her to chip in

• Doing her laundry
• ferrying her around to her social get togethers
• Cleaning her room
• paying her phone bill

the difference is the first one are all necessities to raise a healthy and happy child and your responsibility as a parent. The second lot are all nice things you do for her but will not cause her any long term harm if not done.

If it was me I would be like ‘oh great you want a lift to your mates house an hour way - sure I’ll do that for you but first you need to do your laundry’

Or ‘sorry I won’t be taking you to that party this weekend as I really don’t like the way you spoke to me earlier and it makes me feel really under appreciated. In this family we are a team and we treat eschother with respect and right now you are not treating with me respect and so I don’t want to help you by giving you a lift’

The nice to haves are earned by bare minimum showing you she has an appreciation.

I would really recommend the book ‘Hunt, Gather, Parent’

I'm afraid my response would be literal to the senseless statement - "Literally no thing asks to be born. That's not how it works. You and all the birds and trees and horses are here, all having not asked for it. You're dear to me but your not special or unique in not having asked for this".

Also, i can't believe kids are still saying this! Everything else moves on, changes with the times, why hasn't this?

'No one asks to be born. We are not discussing your birth. We're discussing behaviour.'

Stop asking her for gratitude. Setting yourself up for a fall there.What are you doing that you need gratitude for? Do whatever you’re doing because you love her and she needs taking care of. You may get some appreciation when her frontal lobe fully develops about 20 ish

Completely disagree. I have two boys, still at junior school, and I have absolutely taught them to notice and appreciate what I do for them. I’m hoping that will help them to have good relationships of their own in the future.