Decent responses ti 'I didn't ask to be born'

[arethereanyleftatall]

Hi. As the title suggests. 'Well you chose to have me' is my 15yo's response to any time I point out that maybe it would be nice to show a teeny bit of gratitude to whatever massive thing I'm doing for her that day. Does anyone have any good come backs?

I think the square response is ‘well that’s a shame, because you mean the world to me. Hopefully one day you’ll be happy you were.’

The alternative is what I sometimes mutter sotto voce at my toddler, ‘I tore my vagina open for THIS?!’ 😂

@SisterMichaelsHabit

lol

the daughter will have asked for the lift to the party

are you genuinely saying that she shouldn’t say thank you to her mum for an hours drive lift to a party?! Can you really not see what an entitled adult she could become ?!

That's not at all unreasonable of you. Yes we know their brains aren't fully formed, but that doesn't make them incapable of gratitude or empathy. It means they need to be prompted over it.

I used to use mirroring - reflect it back on them: if you spent two hours doing something you didn;t want to do for the sole reason of making someone else happy and enabling them to do something they wanted to do, would you be disappointed that they were unable to say, with genuine gratitude, 'Thank you.'

I used to sometimes say: a fairy doesn't die every time you say thank you, you know. It's safe to use.

I love you too 😘 💓

Positive disengagement. I don't actually think that kids need to be constantly showing gratitude for parents doing parenty things. If they were sullen, snappy, insulting and did nothing around the house then that's a different d
Story and I think they would need pulling up on that but a good, well achieving child, no beyond normal civil behaviour, please and thank you in normal conversation.

If I'd asked my mum for a lift at that age, I would have said thank you when she agreed to take me, if that makes sense. I wouldn't have been expected to keep saying thank you after the fact.

And if I hadn't said thank you when she agreed to take me, she'd have refused to take me anyway!

I used to bellow theatrically "how sharper than a serpent's tooth it is ... !" No reaction but I felt better.

Eventually eldest came across the full quote when they did some King Lear at school and he was most excited to tell me he finally understood the reference.

I've also said the "I can't believe I ruined my vagina for you utter shitbags" one but definitely in a lighthearted way when we're all laughing and baiting each other.

I stopped doing stuff and every surly comment. I calmly took her phone (which I pay for) and turned off the tv etc and change the internet password. If she shouted or was rude and demanded a lift I gave her the number of a taxi company and told her to find another mug or pay for it.

two or three humugerous rows and I planted my feet on the floor and she was ranting and raving and I just said no response to abuse etc you walk around and then all of a sudden she got it. No more demanding a lift at 9 pm - she asks the day before politely, she’s ready and on time and is thankful.

any rudeness gets a look and no reply or I will remind her the slave trade in the U.K. is over. And I disengage. It’s taken 6 months and yes she has walked a number of times in a strop etc but I am shocked now when she doesn’t ask 24 hours in advance with polite manners and an offer to do something in return.

All the people asking why op is asking for gratitude, she’s her mum!! Kids and teens need the odd reminder or they grow into adults that don’t say thank you and we have less and less nice attitudes in the world and it all gets a bit greyer really!

Ya it's because they are still in junior school you think that.
Mine were a delight too at that age.
Now as 3 fully grown adults they have a deep gratitude and appreciation for everything we did for them and have really healthy relationships.
Cos teenagers grow out of this malarkey if you treat them properly.

She is right. I'm fully grown and I still feel that adults expect kids to be grateful even though we selfishly brought them into this shitshow of a world for our own pleasure.
I'd just say 'you're right'. And then walk off.

….. and f I could go back in
time I would have put myself on some decent contraception, but here we are and we may as well just get on with it the best we can.

I don't ask for thanks ever. I just do the "No, your so very welcome, it was my pleasure" when they don't use their manners. That prompts a thank you. Ranting that they are ungrateful spollt little shits gets their backs up.

I try to rule with the upper hand 🤣 however I do occasionally let my smugness boil over and tell the 20 year old he is a user. I don't belive there is perfection. We are all very close, we aren't perfect

@dyslexicposter haahah I have been known to shout the odd 'your welcome' after a shut car door.

Good manners cost nothing.This is not debateable.

Hahhaahahaha
Howling.

I didn't have a choice in genetics which was rather unfortunate!! .................... and walk away!!

Ungrateful teenagers don't do gratitude so don't do them favours either. They might change their attitude when they realise it inconveniences them.

'I understand that, but you did ask me for a lift into town, so a thank you would be nice'

Isn't that your role as a parent?

Ok do not say this to your child

oh lighten up. My kids have a sense of humour and would laugh 🙄

I had "my life would be better if I was in a different family" which is sort of the adopted child's version of "I didn't ask to be born". I generally said back that I was glad he hadn't gone to a different family because our lives are better with him than without him. I don't think there is any point in pushing back nastily to a nasty comment because it just alienates an already grumpy teen further. Then later, when things were calmer, I would point out that sometimes when I was doing him favours I would be inconveniencing myself to do so. And while I was always happy to help him it would be good if he could cooperate so that we both get to do what we want without too much inconvenience on either side.

I think a good response to "I didn't ask to be born" in the moment might be "Well, nobody asks to be born, but I'm glad that you were. Even when you're grumpy I'm glad that you're here."

You owe me your life 😁

This OP.

If you have child with a dark -ish sense of humour......

Neither did I, when I found out it was too late for an abortion 😁

Obviously only for loving households where this is clearly a joke!! If you are one of the professionally offended please don't come for me x

Yes and No.
As a parent, you might want to drive them to places. Or you can expect them to organise themselves. My dcs did a lot of cycling as teenagers instead of me driving for example.
Some parents take the stance that if their dcs want a social life and need money, they need to get a job. I’ve seen well off parents not paying a thing to child.
etc…
There are always choices and different ways of dealing with facilitating lifts/finances etc….