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Concerned about a colleague

77 replies

Hotdogstarfish · 24/11/2023 20:13

She's the same age as me, early 30s. I met her a couple of months ago and would consider her a friend, she's really nice, we have a lot in common and she always makes a big effort to talk to me.
I'm just a bit concerned about her weight but not sure how to approach it. The thing is I have seen her eating and she talks about cooking etc, but she is thin to the point of being emaciated.
Her face looks very drawn and skeletal. For a woman of her early 30s, she looks haggard, I don't mean that in a rude way but her eyes are sunken, and I've noticed she has a lot of hair on her legs which I believe can be a symptom of eating disorders (growing extra bodily hair).
She is always in baggy clothes but I would easily put her at a UK size 4, and she's around 5'6.
Maybe it's just her natural build and there's nothing wrong with her, I am just concerned but not sure how to approach it or if it's any of my business. She is a really good person and I care for her as a friend. However I don't want to offend her of push her away.

OP posts:
junbean · 26/11/2023 05:40

It will only make her feel bad. I have a medical condition that causes this and I've heard it all. I've had many many complete strangers yell at me to eat something. I've had so many people ask me if I have an eating disorder. I even have an ex who knew all about my health history constantly accuse me of having an eating disorder. Confronting someone like that is really harmful. I will never forget what that feels like. She's an adult. If she wants your help she will ask for it.

Catopia · 26/11/2023 09:38

I think part of the difficulty is that you don't have the background of knowing her over a period of time. I would not be quasi-diagnosing her with anything if you've only known her a few weeks, nor would I be mentioning her weight or the hair, as both may be making her self-conscious already.

However, I don't necessarily think there's an issue in the context of a wider conversation with saying, "I'm a bit worried about you, you seem exhausted/stressed (?), are you ok?" That gives the option to say I'm fine, or a space to share if she wants to, without creating offence or openly fishing for information.

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