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Original poster

At what age do you stop giving presents?

82 replies

DustyLee123 · 13/11/2023 10:51

My DH has a brother with adult kids, they are about 23 and 25 and both employed. DH still sends Xmas presents to them, and his DB sends vouchers to ours who are similar ages.
AIBU to think that there should be a cut off age when it stops? I’ve spoken to DH about it but he wants to carry on, and it’s none of my business really. I just think it’s ridiculous.

OP posts:

LittleLlama · 13/11/2023 14:26

We have, as a family, agreed to stop at 18 (except for 21st Birthday). Before this it was mostly a small gift(socks, chocolate, etc.) and money…Friends children exactly the same.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/11/2023 14:30

@DustyLee123 - if your dh and his brother can still afford it, and are happy to carry on doing it, I can't see anything wrong with giving presents to older nieces and nephews. Most people like giving and getting presents.

Stealthtax · 13/11/2023 14:35

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Sugarfree23 · 13/11/2023 14:44

trulyunruly01 · 13/11/2023 14:20

DH's family stop birthday presents for siblings/cousins at 18 but continue to send Xmas presents (usually rather thoughtless and inappropriate, like Lynx shower gel for someone who has skin allergies and uses prescription products).
I think this is arse about face and that a gesture on a person's birthday is more meaningful. I just let them get on with it. The charity shop benefits early in Jan.

Put shower gel sets into the food bank box at supermarket.
But yes pointless waste of time and money.

margotrose · 13/11/2023 14:50

It wouldn't occur to me to stop presents at a certain age.

MaturingCheeseball · 13/11/2023 14:57

It really depends on numbers and how close you are. As you get older and the family expands it can start getting out of control: dh now has a multitude of great nephews and nieces - we don’t know them. Otoh I have one single niece. She still gets a present and she gets one for me.

Girlwithapple · 13/11/2023 14:59

Between me and DH we have 7 nieces and nephews. We don't have kids. 2 of the nieces and nephews (same parents) get us a gift, the others we get nothing from so we made the decision to stop at 18 (we do 21st birthday as an exception). We aren't carrying on buying for all of them when they become adults - with probably more disposable income than we have - when we get very little in return!!

AnnieSnap · 13/11/2023 15:04

Pinkitydrinkity0 · 13/11/2023 12:57

I’m 31 and still get Christmas and birthday presents from one side of my family - but there are only four cousins in total (inc me!) and they only have one cousin on the other side.

The other side of my family stopped all presents at 21 because there are so many cousins!

Do you reciprocate? So many children in families grow-up to become adults who still receive presents without ever reciprocating!

Original poster

DustyLee123 · 13/11/2023 15:26

We rarely see his nephews, it would only be at a funeral, and we never get a thank you. I still remind mine to say thanks for what they get, but they say themselves that they don’t want to receive anything now they’re adults.

OP posts:

Sugarfree23 · 13/11/2023 15:26

I think reciprocating is one of those weird things, as an Auntie of younger kids you expect reciprocation from the parents, ie you buy neices / nephews your sibling buys your kids.

So the kids have never been in the habit or had the expectation that they should buy for Auntie and Uncles.

Then the kids become adults, who are at uni, low apprenticeship wages, saving for houses, weddings, struggle with cost of living, etc etc,

Buying for Auntie just isn't given a second thought. Although I find it crazy that people get into a situation of buying for great neices and nephews.

Sugarfree23 · 13/11/2023 15:27

You never see them and they are telling you to stop. Then listen to them stop the madness.

CMOTDibbler · 13/11/2023 15:33

End of university, and then unless they buy us or ds (who is vastly younger than his cousins) a present we stop

Pinkitydrinkity0 · 13/11/2023 17:48

AnnieSnap · 13/11/2023 15:04

Do you reciprocate? So many children in families grow-up to become adults who still receive presents without ever reciprocating!

Show quote history

I do at Christmas yeah although only give a birthday card.

I’ve asked them so many times to stop giving to me but they won’t!! 😂

PieonaBarm · 13/11/2023 17:59

One of my uncles stopped at 21 but I was/am the others "favourite" and would often babysit his kids and look after them over a weekend if he wanted to go away with my Aunt (big age gap between him and my Mum) so he kept going until I was around 25 maybe a little later.

I think we will stop at 21 to be honest, maybe a year or two later if they're still in full time education. We've no kids of our own so tend to be fairly generous (but not ridiculously) and they'll all inherit from us.

Redglitter · 13/11/2023 18:03

My nieces are 18 & 21 and I still buy for birthdays & Christmas. I cant imagine ever stopping buying them gifts

pinkspeakers · 13/11/2023 18:04

My two siblings stopped buying birthday presents for my son and daughter after their 18th and I will do the same for theirs, who are younger. However, I did ask if they wouldn't mind continuing to buy them a Xmas present for a bit longer (they are currently 20 and 21 and still undergrads). I'd expect them to stop once my two are earning properly, or at least I'd expect my kids to give a gift in exchange. But at the moment they appreciate a present and my siblings have far more spare cash than they do. Otherwise, the gifts from us would be the only ones they would get (except my son does have a girlfriend now I guess). Neither of my sisters have huge amounts of gifts to buy and said they were happy to continue buying. We recently paused buying for each other and our parents are not alive

pinkspeakers · 13/11/2023 18:06

Also, my DS and DD see my siblings on Xmas day. I think it would be different if everyone was off doing their own thing.

UsingChangeofName · 13/11/2023 18:15

We stopped as each niece / nephew got to 21.
So they got something for their 21st birthday and nothing after that.

Would have been 18, but the eldest was 20 before we had the discussion so it seemed fair that they all got the same.

Otherwise, as they grow away from you it gets more and more difficult to get them something they actually like, but also you get the complication of partners one they are adults.

It is so lovely now they are are all adults - really cut down the stress and time and preparation before Christmas.

NotesBod · 13/11/2023 18:26

18 - unless you have a particularly close relationship, 21 at a push. Beyond that it is getting more into reciprocal gifts and all a bit silly for adults.

DS is 19 now and did say he wishes people (who have continued but he doesn’t really know them well - great aunts etc) would stop. He always says thank you but…

Ibizabar · 13/11/2023 18:29

I haven't stopped.

Luxell934 · 13/11/2023 18:41

We only buy for children, no adults except parents but we are going to stop buying for nieces and newphews at 18, only for financial reasons unfortunately as we have 12 of them and can't really afford to buy for them after that. If money were no object though I wouldn't stop.

TragicMuse · 13/11/2023 18:51

I'm not stopping. They're still on our list, as are my siblings, their partners/spouses and every member of the family. And we receive presents from them in return.

I'm not loaded, but it doesn't have to be a massive and expensive thing to be a loving and thoughtful gift...

junebirthdaygirl · 13/11/2023 19:10

Have nearly 20 nieces and nephews. We agreed on 21 as the cut off for Christmas and birthdays. Did mark graduations after than. The weddings are starting now so there will obviously be another round of presents but that will be fun.
My dc have always appreciated the many gifts but it does add up.

jay55 · 13/11/2023 19:15

My dads sisters still get me gifts, and I them, but there's only the four of us on that side the family.

The other side the family now everyone is grown (and just the one baby, who is having his first Christmas so thins year will be a change), we (me and my dad) tend to send a gift to the family, in the fizz and chocs vein.

Hbh17 · 13/11/2023 19:16

18 (or 21, if they're at university and not earning).

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