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Original poster

At what age do you stop giving presents?

82 replies

DustyLee123 · 13/11/2023 10:51

My DH has a brother with adult kids, they are about 23 and 25 and both employed. DH still sends Xmas presents to them, and his DB sends vouchers to ours who are similar ages.
AIBU to think that there should be a cut off age when it stops? I’ve spoken to DH about it but he wants to carry on, and it’s none of my business really. I just think it’s ridiculous.

OP posts:

thenewaveragebear1983 · 13/11/2023 10:58

Our neices and nephews range from age 24 right down to unborn/due in January. We decided we will stop doing birthday and Christmas gifts once they turn 18 as it’s the only way to do it fairly across both sides of the family. We do their 18th birthday and the following Christmas then stop.
we also no longer give money or vouchers for Christmas. It has to be a proper gift, not just a £20 note to add to all the rest of their money. I hate how meaningless the whole swapping of money around has become.

Katherineryan1986 · 13/11/2023 10:58

I have 7 neices and nephews and 2 children of my own - all adults now, however, we agreed when the eldest was 18 that we would stop buying presents or sending vouchers after each child turned 18. So they would get something on their 18th birthday and then that’s it.

When my sisters and I had children we agreed not to buy each other or our partners christmas presents any longer, we only buy birthday presents now.

Tourmalines · 13/11/2023 10:58

18 , nothing after that for Neices and nephews .

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Mamadothehump · 13/11/2023 11:16

Stop at 18 but I did buy for 21st birthdays.

Mrsjayy · 13/11/2023 11:19

Our Neices and Nephews are similar ages we send vouchers for Christmas it didn't occur to me that I should stop.

INeedNewShoes · 13/11/2023 11:25

I've decided to stop at 18. I think I'd feel differently if thank yous were more forthcoming. Sometimes I don't even know if a gift has been received let alone liked.

Mrsjayy · 13/11/2023 11:36

Mrsjayy · 13/11/2023 11:19

Our Neices and Nephews are similar ages we send vouchers for Christmas it didn't occur to me that I should stop.

God this looks uppity sorry. I meant we.only have a couple and no young children so will keep sending them gifts.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 13/11/2023 11:56

We have the age 21 as cut off for niece and nephew birthday and Christmas gifts. For chase do an adult secret Santa with a healthy budget so each adult gets a nice gift but we're not scrabbling around buying rubbish for all and sundry. I do still buy birthday presents for my adult siblings though as they do for me.

HavfrueDenizKisi · 13/11/2023 11:57

For Christmas....

No idea how auto correct managed that sentence!

Papillon23 · 13/11/2023 12:52

I am the niece in this scenario, and I still get a gift but I now buy the uncles/aunties in question gifts too which seems only fair as I have an income etc!

Pinkitydrinkity0 · 13/11/2023 12:57

I’m 31 and still get Christmas and birthday presents from one side of my family - but there are only four cousins in total (inc me!) and they only have one cousin on the other side.

The other side of my family stopped all presents at 21 because there are so many cousins!

SirenSays · 13/11/2023 12:57

We never stopped and I don't think we will. When they grow up they buy gifts for us in return.

Kitkat1523 · 13/11/2023 13:00

I have 15 nephews and nieces….I still buy for one who is 16….the others got nothing after 18…..there are now 15 great nephews and nieces ( 3 of whom are my GDs)…..I buy a present when they are born….then only buy after that if I’m invited to christening or a family birthday party….it gets ridiculous otherwise….we all do the same

Ponderingwindow · 13/11/2023 13:01

I’m thinking after uni graduation will work well for our family. Everyone attends so it’s a good demarcation of childhood vs adulthood.

Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 13/11/2023 13:01

Never...?

JaninaDuszejko · 13/11/2023 13:09

I'm in my 50s and still get a gift from my aunt (I only have one who lived very close by and so I saw her every week as a child and always saw her at Christmas until I had my own DC and stopped going 'home' for Christmas). We exhange hampers at Christmas these days and I see her whenever I go home or when she visits my cousin who lives near me.

DH has never received Christmas gifts from his aunts and uncles (he has 8, spread all over the world who he only has met every few years).

Obviously we are probably extremes, both in the relative sizes of our families and the geographical spread of our families. But I think there's not a clear rule. It depends how close you are (both physically and emotionally). Would it cause more problems to stop buying presents than to continue? TBH, I think since it's your DH's DNs and he buys the presents that it's not worth you hassling him about it unless it means your own children are suffering because of it.

GuitarGeorgina · 13/11/2023 13:11

Once they leave school.

Mackeroo · 13/11/2023 13:11

We stop after the young person turns 18. This has applied with family and friends.

HoHoHoliday · 13/11/2023 13:17

I don't think it's a case of "should be a cut off".
If it's a big extended family with lots of relatives it makes sense to some to only buy for kids perhaps, and stop when they are adults.
My extended family is small, only two nieces and one nephew. I buy for all of them including the one who is over 18. We have a general agreement in our family that no one gives cash or vouchers, and no "tat" presents, we only do proper gifts, even if it's something small.
There are no rules about these things! You just do what works for you. If your DH wants to buy a gift for someone that's his choice.

marshmallowfinder · 13/11/2023 13:23

Franklin2000 · 13/11/2023 13:32

Me and sil have had the chat this year. Hers are 19 and 24, my eldest is 18 all with jobs. Honestly we’re just exchanging cash between us at this point! So we’ve said we’re not buying for the older kids or each other, neither of us needs more candles. But it’s whatever works for you, for example, my mum would never get on board with this, some families do put a lot of importance on gift giving, even if it’s gift vouchers etc.

Woman2023 · 13/11/2023 13:50

We don't stop unless we lose contact generally. I like buying gifts for my nieces and nephews, why stop just because they're adults? Christmas isn't just for children.

Sugarfree23 · 13/11/2023 14:11

I only buy for one friends kids that stops when they turn 18, although I will do 21st presents. We have the oldest GC on DHs side I think the president will be set as stop at 18.

My neices I'll probably dial that back when they both graduate. But they have a single mum so buying for them helps her out a bit.

trulyunruly01 · 13/11/2023 14:20

DH's family stop birthday presents for siblings/cousins at 18 but continue to send Xmas presents (usually rather thoughtless and inappropriate, like Lynx shower gel for someone who has skin allergies and uses prescription products).
I think this is arse about face and that a gesture on a person's birthday is more meaningful. I just let them get on with it. The charity shop benefits early in Jan.

RedCoffeeCup · 13/11/2023 14:21

My brother and I agreed to stop giving to each other's kids after 18.

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