How can I take dummy away, when he also uses it as his soother toy?

[Diddleydo]

DS is 2 in a couple of weeks.

He isn't speaking, has no words, and I am not sure how much he understands commands etc. We have an appointment with the doctor about his development next week.

He has never taken to any other "soother toys". We tried them all...teddies, blankets, muslin cloths (that was our older DC soother) etc

The only thing that soothes him is when he has a dummy in his hand (both hands, ideally. With one in his mouth too). He uses it to tap parts of his face and body and it instantly calms him down.

Going cold turkey is going to be awful. We have only just got him sleeping through the night after 2 years of sheer hell that nearly broke us, not only as a couple but individually.

Hoping for some magical solution. I know the doctor will say take the dummy away to encourage his speaking. We take the dummies away for as long as possible during the day but he is addicted and always looking for them. I am sure he has a secret stash because I hide them all and he just seems to pluck them out of thin air!

Please help xx

Don't take it away yet. He's only 2. Have the developmental check with the dr first and if they say remove the dummy, explain the comforting element. In this scenario, please don't feel pressured to rush this. Your child needs it right now and after the sleep struggles you've had, I wouldn't rock the boat yet.

My dd had a dummy and we took it away when she was almost 3 because we worried about her teeth but they righted themselves quite quickly.

Thank you. This is reassuring.

Just a little worried about his development and everyone I speak to about it mentions the dummy thing.

You could try gradually transitioning from the dummy to some sort of chewlery. If it's the oral stimulation that is soothing, it might meet the same need.

I agree, let him keep the dummy for now. It's likely it has nothing to do with him not speaking yet.

DD was quite reliant on the dummy at 2, we didn't get rid of it til almost 4, but we did stop it being anywhere but the bedroom at 2. She had it for bed/ naps, and very, very occasionally we went upstairs for a cuddle if something had really upset her. She accepted that's where the dummy lived after a day of being told, and we attached the dummies to fabric comforters to reinforce it- no you can't take the tiger downstairs, he lives in your bed, remember?

Why are you even considering taking it away? What’s making you think that’s what you should be doing?

You have a non-verbal 2 year old and are awaiting a medical appointment about his development. This can be something that you talk to the doctor about, but right now even considering ‘taking the dummy away’
or ’cold turkey’ seem like very unhelpful
thoughts.

Don’t take it away

I don't know much about the speaking or if it's unusual at this age. I do remember that different kids met milestones at different times though. My DD had a few words at 2 but didn't walk until 18 months. She didn't crawl at all. A friends DD of the same age was climbing furniture like it was parkour but couldn't talk.

It sounds like you are attempting dummy free time as much as you can to encourage the speaking which is great. Again, I would speak to the dr and see what they say. It's so hard not to worry and compare against other kids though.

Just another person saying I wouldn't take it away. I've got a 2 year old and 3 year old who still have them at night.

It's mainly the woman at the children's centre. She runs the groups we go to. She grills me every week about it and the majority of the mums there reiterate what she is saying about taking the dummy away.

From what you’ve written it seems abundantly obvious that ‘the dummy thing’ is a complete red herring.

People can be well meaning in giving parenting advice, but it isn’t always helpful. Just respond that you’re seeing a doctor about his development and will be following the advice arising from that.

This isn’t helpful. Can you speak to the manager about it?

You’re doing the right thing seeking medical advice. You should be able to attend groups without the woman running it giving unhelpful advice and making you feel bad.

Sometimes my mum brings ds and she's also said the same thing about the woman. She's very judgy and makes us feel we are doing the wrong thing by ds in giving him the dummy because he's not speaking yet. The other mums generally agree!!

Think I might stop going there tbh

Hi

Please don't take the dummy away. I have recently done a course which stated that children will talk around their dummy and they typically this doesn't hinder speech and certainly doesn't hinder understanding of commands.

This will likely be due to other issues which the Dr and health visitor should be able to help with and get you some specific support in those areas.

My little boy turned 2 mid October and still has his dummy as a comforter when he's tired or upset and he is chatting away around the dummy all the time. It will cause you and the little one so much upset to take it away especially as he soothes himself by tapping with it too!

Really glad I posted! Thank you!

I’d also let a 2 year keep it, but when my DD1’s favourite dummy broke (as in the teat split) I cut the teat off altogether and she would just roll the plastic part around in her fingers at bedtime. She used them more as comfort toys in her hands than actually in her mouth.

Having a dummy can certainly affect speech, and tooth development, but it doesn't cause a child to be non verbal.

I wouldn't take it away, I would try to gradually reduce how often he has it by trying to switch it with teething toys and other bits and bobs that he might get comfort from.

Although at 2 stopping using a dummy is definitely on the horizon, now isn't the right time and it can wait until further down the line when things feel more settled.

Ignore the silly bint at the children's centre. If she is going to run these groups she needs some training on not being judgmental and giving helpful advice and support.

Are you the woman at the children’s centre? Do you feel better and superior for that judgement now? Has it added loads to your day?

@TheJubileePortrait - wow, did posting such a judgmental comment make you feel better? It's not helpful pretending the world is so black and white. Sleep deprivation is torture, and I don't blame anyone for doing what they can to get some rest (that goes for both parents and baby by the way)

@Ostryga Should we all just pretend it’s okay then to make her feel better? That does a disservice to both her and her child.

@muddlingthrou I know all about sleep deprivation. My first was a poor sleeper. However I would never once use that as an excuse to do something that would negatively affect my child’s health and development.

Wow what nasty comments. Why would you try and make another person who is tired, and is clearly a good mother trying her best, feel guilty?

The reason her son is non verbal won’t be because of the dummy. She is seeing a specialist about it and she’s got good advice here.

OP I hope you ignore this poster who has nothing helpful to say except “go back in time and do things differently”.

Don’t let anyone pressure you into ditching the dummy, OP. My dd 2 used one way past 2. Her teeth were always perfect (she’s long grown up) and it didn’t affect her speech at all. Dd1, OTOH, was still sucking her thumb after she passed her driving test!

I don’t exactly remember from my two, but all Gdcs’ speech suddenly began to ‘explode’ shortly after they were 2 - not before.

I have a child whose verbal communication was delayed. Does your child use any words at all? Can he make noises like “woof woof” for a dog?

When he taps himself to sooth does he use the hard part or the nipple of the dummy?

Don’t take it away OP, try to cut down the amount of time he has it very gently. I had two confirmed dummy suckers. Eventually they only had it at night and then they simply gave them up at three or so.

The woman at the children’s centre sounds unkind. Ignore her. Also ignore those on the thread who wish to polish their halos.