How can I take dummy away, when he also uses it as his soother toy?

[Diddleydo]

DS is 2 in a couple of weeks.

He isn't speaking, has no words, and I am not sure how much he understands commands etc. We have an appointment with the doctor about his development next week.

He has never taken to any other "soother toys". We tried them all...teddies, blankets, muslin cloths (that was our older DC soother) etc

The only thing that soothes him is when he has a dummy in his hand (both hands, ideally. With one in his mouth too). He uses it to tap parts of his face and body and it instantly calms him down.

Going cold turkey is going to be awful. We have only just got him sleeping through the night after 2 years of sheer hell that nearly broke us, not only as a couple but individually.

Hoping for some magical solution. I know the doctor will say take the dummy away to encourage his speaking. We take the dummies away for as long as possible during the day but he is addicted and always looking for them. I am sure he has a secret stash because I hide them all and he just seems to pluck them out of thin air!

Please help xx

I have recently done a course which stated that children will talk around their dummy and that typically this doesn't hinder speech

Sadly this isn’t at all true. Dummies affect speech terribly. Speech and language therapists generally recommend they are used up until 12 months if at all. In OP’s case it is clearly used as a comforting object so there are different issues at play. But please do not share statements like this, dummies are awful for speech production.

For example, we see a lot of backing in children who have dummies. Backing is the substitution of a sound produced in front of the mouth with a sound produced in the back of the mouth (e.g. “gog” for “dog”). This is because they can’t get their tongue where it needs to be to produce the sound correctly, as the dummy is in the way.

Leave the dummy in his bed. He’s not speaking when he’s sleeping so it won’t do any harm with regard to speech development. But I do wonder if there’s something else. Yes they definitely do cause issues if they’re trying to speak around them, and can make them reluctant to speak at all when its in (been there, regulated it to bedtime on advice of nursery teacher and seeing amazing improvements) but if that were all it was you’d expect understanding to be really good. If I were you I’d want a hearing check as a first port of call. Totally anecdotal but every DC I know that’s been as you describe your DS has had glue ear.

OP my DD was more or less non verbal at 2. She was referred to SALT after her 2 year check and at her assessment we were told to get rid of the dummy which we did straight away - it was so hard the first 2 nights however she never asked for it again. I would have said yes try and get rid of it however if his sleep has been rubbish up to now I wouldn't do it to yourself just yet!

I hate dummies and normally would say throw it in the bin but your DC is non verbal at 2. I'd say he needs it. The fact he pokes it on his face means he might have sensory issues. I think you need to wait until your DC has his assessment and mention it to the GP to see what they say. It might affect his teeth as he gets older. This is why I never gave a dummy to any of my DC to start with. Never had to put them through giving it up which always seems traumatic for DC.

My DD was exactly the same! One in mouth, one in hand. She didn’t have speech problems so not fair to just blame the dummy. Her teeth are also lovely. When she was 3 years and 3 months she hung them on the Christmas tree for ‘Santa’ to ‘give to the babies’ and ‘Santa’ left her a special doll. We prepped her for this and she understood. Never looked back. I’d say to just wait - it’s only a dummy. If it soothes him then that’s fine. Wait til he’s more able to understand/converse. Don’t be pressured. I never understand the pressure to get rid of things or potty train the minute they turn two for example. Do your thing x

bless him not 1 jot would I care what randoms think, I hope his appointment gives you some answers and a way forward with him.

my eldest is in her 30s her speech was fine despite having a dummy past 2 I wouldn't think its a major factor in speech delay.

Going cold turkey is going to be awful

I stopped breast feeding my kids 'cold turkey' one day after their first birthdays (was current time you were meant to breastfeed kids) and I 'cold turkey' took away dummies.

I was amazed how easy it was. They didn't get over it instantly but it was extremely quick. I've four kids and I'm a huge fan of the 'cold turkey' approach.

You can do the thing where you cut the test so it's less satisfying for your son to use though. I don't know what current advice is on that.

*test not test

Teat* not test 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think it's easier to cut it out completly than try and reduce it. Reducing it is more confusing.

I would try a pin prick in all the dummies. That way you are not taking them away and he still hold them or tap them on his face etc.

The hole means they don't enjoy sucking on them as much and as you aren't actually taking them away they won't get upset.

My DD was dummy obsessed at 2 and I did this and she didn't even cry I was so shocked. She completely forgot about them after a week and they went in the bin.

I wouldn't get rid yet OP.
If it was just the dummy affecting his speech then maybe, but it sounds like there might be other things going on.

Can you try to just limit it for now? He only gets them in bed or if he's really upset and needs comfort you bring him upstairs to the dummies, then leave them again once he's calm.

My ds who's just turning 3 soon was and also is still behind on speech, barely had a word when he turned 2 and didnt understood much we said. He loves his 'binkies' as he now calls them, but after a few days of him tucking them into bed in the morning he understood that they're only for bedtime.
We spoke to speech and language, and they told us that his dummies weren't the reason for his speech being behind, and to limit them if we didn't want to take them away completely.

*understand much we said, gah! How do we edit comments on the app?

This.

I was attending a lecture last weekend where they talked about the development issues from dummies, sippy cups etc.

The child only 'needs' a dummy for a very short period of time, this thread serves as a reminder of how dependent on this piece of plastic, society has become.

Speak to a SALT. In terms of your child's development , they do not need the dummy. The sucking reflex has passed a long time ago.
Cutting little holes in it will make it unsatisfactory for them. If he needs an attachment to something, offer a cuddly toy.

Mine kept their dummies till they were ready (4yrs and 6 years at night times)
They were good speakers and have grown up to be independent confident older teenagers, so it hasn't caused any issues.

Mine as well. All three boys had dummies ( kept in the bedroom from about 21/2 but sometimes sneaked downstairs!) no speech problems, slept well and all grown up with children of their own - I wish I’d been allowed one, I sucked myself thumb in bed til I was 16.
2 is still very young, ignore the ridiculous critical mums at the group. I had exactly the same from the mums at baby and toddler groups in the 80’s cos I was bottle feeding.
My daughter in laws though decided dummies were the work of the devil. I kept my mouth shut like a good mother in law.
Trust your own instincts

Also (sorry, I forgot to finish, am multi tasking) that from what you described, there is definitely something else at play here, as other PP's have said.

I have 4 DC, 2 are ND and 1 had a severe language delay plus echolalia, when he did eventually start to speak.

So please do speak to your Peadiatrician. You should ask for a referral to get his hearing checked by a specialist. Early intervention is key.

Whilst this woman at playgroup may not be saying these things to you in the kindest manner, what she says is developmentally correct, despite how unpopular these opinions are on Mumsnet. Again, this is something I would discuss with the Peadiatrician. You already said yourself what will happen, you know what to do deep down.

It's a shit time when you feel judged, (I can relate to this a lot) and I am sorry about that, but sticking your head in the sand won't make it go away. Sometimes you do just have to go cold turkey and ride out the consequences. It won't last forever.

I’d echo what everyone else said about not taking them away just yet.

Just so you know, if you snip the teat you can’t suck them properly. When the time is right, you could snip one at a time. Don’t make a fuss just say oh dear, it must be broken here have this one instead. You could then slowly get rid of them all over a period of weeks. This of course would only work if he understands the concept of it being broken.

My DD used a dummy longer than I would have liked her to, I had to remind myself that I provided it to give DD comfort and it wasn’t fair for me to just decide to take it away.

In the end, I started to make it less available during the day and only available for rest/naps/bed. I didn’t do the ‘broken’ thing I’ve mentioned above, but it was my back up plan. We gave the dummy’s to a baby in the family and made a huge fuss of DD beings big girl and it did work.

i

What bit is he tapping with? Ie would he care if the teat bit was cut off? He could then still tap/hold it.

He taps with the end of the teat. The bulbous bit (he will only take a cherry tipped teat)

Ds1 had 2 dummies at all times, one under his nose and one in his mouth until he was 3. We reduced dummy time to sleeping then. Can't remember when he finally stopped.
Ds2 had a dummy all the time until 3 then reduced to sleeping. I can't rember with him either. He also had speech issues but is a healthy happy 18 year old currently laughing at something.
He's 2 and the dummy isnt in his mouth all the time. It sounds like it's still a comfort but used different.
I personally would not give a flying fuck what others think. I'd be more judgemental if your child was still in a buggy going to nursery (unless neurodivergent)

Oh shit, what? I take DS to nursery in a buggy! It would take me about an hour to get there if I let him walk 🤣 ( it's a 5 min walk) whats wrong with that??

Oh shit, what? I take DS to nursery in a buggy! It would take me about an hour to get there if I let him walk 🤣 ( it's a 5 min walk) whats wrong with that??