How can I take dummy away, when he also uses it as his soother toy?

[Diddleydo]

DS is 2 in a couple of weeks.

He isn't speaking, has no words, and I am not sure how much he understands commands etc. We have an appointment with the doctor about his development next week.

He has never taken to any other "soother toys". We tried them all...teddies, blankets, muslin cloths (that was our older DC soother) etc

The only thing that soothes him is when he has a dummy in his hand (both hands, ideally. With one in his mouth too). He uses it to tap parts of his face and body and it instantly calms him down.

Going cold turkey is going to be awful. We have only just got him sleeping through the night after 2 years of sheer hell that nearly broke us, not only as a couple but individually.

Hoping for some magical solution. I know the doctor will say take the dummy away to encourage his speaking. We take the dummies away for as long as possible during the day but he is addicted and always looking for them. I am sure he has a secret stash because I hide them all and he just seems to pluck them out of thin air!

Please help xx

Hi, my youngest was addicted too and slow on words and we did take the dummy away at 2 and 2 months.

It was tough and nights were not easy to start but it did get better. We went cold turkey. It did used to break my heart as at night we found be feeling for where I would hold it in my hand looking for it.

Fast forward 6 months his speech is so much better! He sleeps fine and did after a few weeks.

1. It is ok.
2. Aren’t you special.

He has never taken to any other "soother toys". We tried them all...teddies, blankets, muslin cloths (that was our older DC soother) etc

just picking up on this- have you tried toys that are more similar in texture to a dummy? Sounds like that's what he wants.

Agree with PPs though that the judgey woman at the children's centre is not a good reason to remove it! But mentioning in case you can find something that your DS will make an easy transition to.

Using a dummy can delay speech or make speech less clear. I think if he has no speech and you think he isn't understanding either then this is a different thing. I would wait for your appointment, no point stressing you or your child out further until you've been seen. It is something you'll have to crack at some point soon but now doesn't seem the right time ..

The results showed that the majority of speech outcomes are not significantly associated with dummy use.

The evidence base for any effects of dummy use on speech is very small.

The study suggests that only prolonged use of a dummy over several hours and during the day may start to show any impact on speech; even then, professionals need to be aware that the evidence base for any speech effects is very small. Clinicians and other professionals who parents consult on dummy use should make sure to provide both the pros and cons of dummy use, in order to enable parents to make an informed decision.

scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C5&q=dummy+use+and+speech+development&oq=dummy+use#d=gs_qabs&t=1699691453739&u=%23p%3D3lgJSvBWC-wJ

Please see above just 1 recent study done on the use of dummies and effects on speech and language.

One of mine was a little delayed in speech and we were told to remove it in the day. We did. He fussed for a day or two, but then it became the new normal and he almost immediately started using words.

@TheJubileePortrait my daughter was an early talker who was talking in full sentences (actual conversations) before the age of 2.
She was also permanently attached to her dummy. Or rather 3 of them - one her mouth, one in each hand.
She is autistic. We didn't know that then. Even when she gave up the dummy (at almost 4) she was a chewer and liked to have something to fiddle with in her hands.
If the OPs child is currently totally non verbal at his age the dummy is highly unlikely to be the cause.
So take your insulting attitude and shove it.

Removing the dummy in the day shouldn't be as hard as at night.

I randomly looked at DS one day, out of nowhere, and thought why have you got this in the day - and I just took it out his mouth there and then and he was fine (about 10/11 months old). Currently 19 months old and still uses it overnight but spends a large chunk of the night with it fallen out his mouth - but would struggle to resettle or go down initially about it. I'm hoping it's gone before Christmas so 20ish months.

@TheJubileePortrait Do yoh know what empathy is? How dare you come on a thread posted by a woman whose non- verbal child is being assessed for developmental issues and post such judgemental and ill informed bullshit.

The research on development is far more complex than I think you appreciate. Even more so when there may be SN involved.

But sit on your high horse and congratulate yourself on making a struggling mother feel worse.

With regards to his development and understanding.

He babbles...mamamama dadadada papapapa babababa. He doesn't refer to me or his dad as mama or dada.

He indicates what he wants by grabbing us by the hand and leading / showing us.

He plays a game with us in the mirror. We sing "BA BA BA...BA BA BA BA" in a song song tune, and he is able to copy this.

He doesn't answer to his name a lot. Sometimes but not a lot.

He gives good eye contact and can be playful (chasing games) but is more than happy to play on his own. Not with any toys, more just mooching around with his hula hoops.

He doesn't really get it when we ask him to bring something to us, or when we try and point out where something is.

My oldest son is now 13 so I can't remember properly but i am sure he was putting short sentences together at this point. I know I shouldn't compare but it's hard not to!

I would just try and stop the dummy when you go to the centre and tell the nosy judgemental women he’s stopped using it regardless of where you actually are in terms of reducing it!

Very true!! We definitely reduce the use of it at the groups but I admit I am quick to give him it when he indicates he wants it, he gets overwhelmed if the kids crowd him, that's usually when I allow the dummy.

Hi OP, at first I actually was just going to suggest some ways to gradually reduce reliance on the dummy. BUT then I reflected and thought actually if your DC is completely non-verbal at 2 it does seem there may be other things at play than a dummy. As both of my kids had dummies and both of them were speaking in up to 3 word phrases prior to them turning 2. I don't believe a dummy alone could lead to a child being entirely non-verbal.

Has he had his 2yr check from the health visiting team yet? Also have you had his ears checked recently? Could there be a hearing issue given what you've said also about him not seeming to understand or not always replying to his name?

If you DO want to get the dummy away, given your DC's needs I'd do it in a gradual way. So remove dummy from one setting at a time e.g first when babbling? Every time he babbles take it out his mouth/encourage him to do so/say you can't hear or understand what he's saying. And gradually from there but I agree with others it might be better to wait for professional review tbh rather than distress him.

Also fwiw in the longer term, my rule with both my kids has been that the dummy becomes something only for sleep in bed from turning 2. Eldest had hers overnight til she was 3.5 and youngest has just turned 2 so I presume will be 3-4 when we get rid overnight too. This all meant minimal upset. So far neither of our kids have had any problems with speech or teeth (eldest is 5.5 now).

He hasn't had his two year check up yet.

We got his ears checked at the pharmacy a week ago and they said all good but I will be asking the GP next week.

Hi @Diddleydo don't take it away yet. My DD is developing well in speech, but only has a dummy as her comfort, she never wants to bring out a Teddy or anything else. She's 3 now and we're starting to try and limit it in certain places, the play groups and childcare being some of them. But it's not affected her speech or teeth and it would cause huge upset if it disappeared

Ignore the judgemental poster with no empathy.

Know that you are doing the right thing. You’ve noticed something in your child’s development that worries you so you’re having this investigated by your doctor.

It could be all sorts of things, or even nothing to worry about, but the way to determine that is exactly what you’re doing. That’s great parenting.

The dummy issue at this moment is not very important at all. It may even be helping in various ways.

The woman at the children’s centre and the other parents don’t know your child nor can they provide expert advice on child development (even if they think they can because they’ve got some pop-developmental psychology jargon). It’s totally fine to ignore them and to raise the issue with the centre management.

The staff should not be taking a public shaming approach to anyone (which is what this centre worker is doing by making your child’s dummy a subject or group discussion). Even more so when you have raised developmental concerns with your GP/HV. It’s not OK.

Slightly alternative perspective but my son (he is 3 now) was exactly the same. Always one in the mouth and one or more in each hand. It was affecting his speech and nursery referred us to the speech therapist.

Also a terrible sleeper etc.

We just went cold turkey abd told them they were lost. He barely even cried (and I had thought it was going to be awful).

How old was he when you took the dummy and told him it was lost?

100% ds would not understand if I told him the dummies were lost.

tell them it soothes him and just wait for their reactions then move on. their opinions don't matter although the woman running the sessions might be concerned but it's still none of her business. Anyway as I said it soothes him he might have some development delay don't take it off him.

He had turned 2 but only just. He was barely verbal until we ditched the dummy completely. His speech came in quickly afterwards.

I had tried to get rod of it in the day before but he was so distraught. It needed to be totally gone.

He obviously remebers it fondly though as he saw a photo of himself with the dummy the other day and looked at me smiling and said "i want my dummy!" And then giggled.

DS never had a dummy so I don't know if it will work, but he had a matchstick monkey to chew when he was teething, if you want him to have a soother could you introduce something along side the dummy and see if he takes to it before removing the dummy?

Maybe people keep mentioning it is because the younger they are the easier it is to remove the dummy.

i mean you could try rationing the dummies he has to put them somewhere when he's eating or out walking so he doesn't have it in his mouth all the time.

Just make it for bedtime only.

It's easy for them to understand. Dummies live in bed and cannot be taken out. Preserve everyone's sleep.

Being funny free in the day means you still get the benefits to his teeth/speech/play that people are talking about when they say take the dummies away.

I would get him some small, squidgy toys, the same size as a dummy and offer those to him to hold when upset.

I have tried other toys, like the matchstick monkey and other teething toys but he looks at them and grabs them and throws them as far away as he can, very annoyed that I would even suggest such a thing 🤣

The dummy isn't in his mouth all the time. Only if he gets overwhelmed, going to sleep or if he "randomly" finds them (secret stash that I don't know about). Sometimes he doesn't even want it in his mouth, but he indicates he wants me to tap it on his toes or his nose or whatever