How do you manage when your kids bedtime gets later?

[Gymmum82]

Kids bedtime over the years has gradually gotten later and later and now sits at 8pm.

Now I am 100% done with parenting by 7pm. I don’t want to be reading stories. Fetching drinks, hot water bottles. Arguing about teeth brushing or anything else after this time.

My own bed time is early due to getting up at 5.30am most days for work. So I’m normally in bed by 9.30-10pm leaving me only 1.5 hours to sit, relax, unwind, watch a bit of telly. Spend time with my husband without constant mither and interruption.

Don’t get me wrong I love my kids but how do you manage when they want to stay up later and you don’t want them to? I feel like I lose my rag with them most nights because I’m done and just want them to go to bed and leave me alone! Any helpful advice?

You have to spend time as a family, watch suitable tv together. Play games, start moving towards the time when you all go up together. The messing about decreases when they stay up later. You may reach the point where you go to bed first.

How old are they?

@boudiccathecat i guess that’s the problem. I don’t want to. When do I get to watch my shows? Have my time? We do play games and watch things together. I just want them in bed at a reasonable time so I can relax without being pecked

@CrispsandCheeseSandwich they are 7 and 9

Would you let them watch TV in their rooms? DD watches her TV but only what I've approved.

I'm at that stage now, my son is 13 and goes to bed about 9.30 - 10pm. I'm up early so end up going to bed same time as him. I miss the days where I could have couple hours to myself! I just record programmes and watch inbetween doing tea etc. My son is usually on his phone so I watch what I want. Not ideal but it's going to come soon for you!

Assuming given ages they are old enough to actually put themselves to sleep, put them in their rooms at an earlier hour and tell them it’s time for quiet activities like reading or colouring (or screen time if you don’t mind that). If they bother you then bedtime becomes earlier!

We've started asking them to go up but read themselves. I then leave it for 20/30 minutes which gives me a breather to recharge then a I do a final push (!) and do goodnight story / chat time.

It does mean "my" evening is shorter but at least I get a bit of a break.

I think if you go to bed at 9:30 yourself you're going to struggle to have much evening to yourself - in a couple of years that'll pretty much be your eldest's bedtime too

It's hard but you've just got to let them. It gradually sorts itself out over time. Just get on with whatever you want to do in the earlier part of the evening while they are still around, they can amuse themselves, accept an interruption to chivvy them off to bed and read a story then back to a bit of own time again. We did have to sacrifice unsuitable TV for a few years and just watch things suitable for them like nature documentaries and bake-off.

Our timings are the same as yours OP - up at 5.30 and during the week in bed by 10 at the latest (tonight is an exception as DH enjoying new PS5 b day present😅)

DD is 9 now, and i'm like you i have no patience for parenting after 7 ish. We do bed time and tuck in at 7 and then she plays with her toys and reads until 8/half 8 and puts herself to bed (again).

Once they get to their teens they're happier going up stairs nattering with a friend for the evening, or just up there doing their own thing IME.

I have 3 much older ones and i did the same with them. They're fine normal adults 🙂

Yes this as well. Sometimes there is a wander downstairs with some daft ailment, but she just wants tucking in with a cuddle again 😊

My children were in bed and asleep by aged about 4-6 .Not sure what the magic formula was but they loved going to bed ….sorry not helpful. What age are your children?

I’ve just accepted that to get time to myself I need to stay up until at least midnight and go to bed then so I can watch tv!
Mine are 19 (at uni but home this weekend for siblings birthday party), 18 (lives at home and has been rather unstable for the last 4-5 years with mental health issues) and 12 (goes to bed the earliest at 9pm).
They seek me out in the evenings for 1-1 time, chats, walks, games, hanging out etc.
I love them dearly but it’s tiring and I’d love for them all to be in bed reading at 7:30 for an 8am tucking in!
I really crave alone time so this means I usually stay up until 2am reading or watching telly just so I can have time to myself.
I’m up at 5:45 3 days a week to exercise before work so I’m around for them in the evenings but they just seem to come alive (the older ones especially) later on in the evening 🥱

@Itsbecauseiamamumandlovethem that's not the issue..they go to bed fine, just at a later time so the OP has no adult time in the evening. oP I'm the same. Mine are young teens and going up about ten / ten thirty. I could easily follow them but usually stay up for an hour just straightening up, making sure everything is sorted for the morning, and then sit and watch a bit of something. I do know someone who always said goodnight to their almost adult child at 9pm unless they were specifically doing something together and kept their separate evening time.

Count yourself lucky, our 8 year old usually doesn’t sleep until 8:30-10:30pm, having never slept through the night constantly waking for his first 5-6 years. We get no down time to ourselves or as a couple, him and the youngest practically tag-team to keep us busy until midnight or after. You either have to suck it up and hang out together or tell them they have to go to bed but can read or play something by themselves for a bit. But tbh I think being done with parenting by 7pm is a nice idea in theory lol but if they need you after that you have to respond. Especially if it’s as brief as getting a drink and not dealing with 3-4 hours of them whining and complaining that they can’t sleep 🙄

You've got to be a bit clever.
I would second a pp's suggestion about watching a bit of bland telly to bore them away. I say no small screens after 6.30 ish (so no ipad, or hand held game things) and she watches the telly with us. Or goes up. (no screens upstairs here).

She's happier to go up after sitting though a back episode of gardeners world😂

One of those weird sliding doors moments was once when I went round to a friends in the afternoon to drop her a birthday present off and she was watching sweary telly at 2pm - I was absolutely gobsmacked when it dawned on me that half of the world were probably able to just watch what they wanted whenever they wanted to and not just when they could squeeze it into a few hours at the end of the day. Oh to think what life could be like!!
I can watch sweary things now during the daytime (weekends, not when I’m working!) but I will still pause or switch off when the kids come in which can be often so it’s just not worth the hassle.

Thing is the older they get the busier your house gets it's not couple time anymore , it's a family home and in time they will be wandering about with one or two friends in tow .

Would dinner at 5pm, bath at 6pm, in own bedroom, snuggles/book reading/lullaby by 7pm work?

Ours are 4, 6 and 8. They are all in bed by 7pm. DS1 is allowed to read until 7.45pm.

Im thinking you're lucky to get a 9 year old to bed for 8pm. Not being sarcastic btw.
My 3 year old goes 6 45 / 7ish. 5 year old 7 45 /8pm. 11 year old is never asleep before 9pm but goes up generally 8pm with 5 year old as that's what they like.
18 year old. Well obviously no bedtime.

But as they get older they go up, read, chat to each other etc.

One of my friends who was a single mum to teens set up her bedroom almost like a studio flat with a TV, kettle and mini fridge in her room. Then she could escape the sitting room & the family and watch TV that way. One of other of the DC would sometimes follow her but at least she had somewhere she could escape to. I am beginning to see the appeal!

by the time they get older watch stuff with them until 9:30 on a school night (later holiday) and find shows in common.

you are in the tough transition stage where they are too young to watch things you want to and too old for a 7pm bedtime

We reached a point where I said the work of the evening had to be done by a certain time. Anything she could do independently could happen later, like brushing teeth, but if mom’s help was required it had to be done by x time. After that my pajamas go on and we can hang out, but I am in relaxation mode.

now life happens, you are never really off the clock as a parent, but it helps to know that at a certain time most nights I can relax .

7 year old isn't normally asleep until 9pm. I usually stay up until 11.30/12, up at 7.30am. I think if I brought my 7 year old up to bed at 6.30pm to get them to sleep for 7, they'd just lie there awake!