How do you manage when your kids bedtime gets later?

[Gymmum82]

Kids bedtime over the years has gradually gotten later and later and now sits at 8pm.

Now I am 100% done with parenting by 7pm. I don’t want to be reading stories. Fetching drinks, hot water bottles. Arguing about teeth brushing or anything else after this time.

My own bed time is early due to getting up at 5.30am most days for work. So I’m normally in bed by 9.30-10pm leaving me only 1.5 hours to sit, relax, unwind, watch a bit of telly. Spend time with my husband without constant mither and interruption.

Don’t get me wrong I love my kids but how do you manage when they want to stay up later and you don’t want them to? I feel like I lose my rag with them most nights because I’m done and just want them to go to bed and leave me alone! Any helpful advice?

Sorry I thought they were little children. My mistake.My now older children were left to their own devices ..it didn’t actually effect us ,they went to bed when they were ready 🤷‍♀️

you are in the tough transition stage where they are too young to watch things you want to and too old for a 7pm bedtime

Exactly this! I have a rule of no kids TV after 7, if they want to watch TV it has to be something we can all enjoy. I never really get to watch what I want, but it means that I don't have to watch shouty American teen drama shite when I want to be relaxing.

One thing which we did in the transition phase was that, if they were in PJs, ready for bed with bag packed for the next day by 8pm then they could watch something on TV until 8.30. If it was an 8pm kick off of a football match, they could watch the first half. That sort of thing.
We still do that on a Mon & Tues. Weds I go to a gym class at 8pm so it's DH's issue. Thurs, DC2 isn't back from training until after 8. Fri, I don't really care!

This time where they want to stay up with you will only last a few years, make the most of it. My dd visits once a week for a tv night with us. We always manage to find something we can all enjoy. I’m so glad we made an effort to include her in our evenings as she grew up.

Yep. Currently in the phase where my 12 year old is up till 10pm and the 9 year old is 8.30. But after 7.30 I'm done. I either go into my room and watch tv. Or the youngest lays in my bed and watches a kids tv show or draws in the playroom /builds Lego and my eldest takes himself to the office room and watches tv talks to his friends on the phone. I love it. We all need the downtime. The weeks are busy, school, full time work, clubs after school and on weekends. I think it's great that we all get some peace to end our day and I still tuck the youngest one in. I give him the warning at 8.20 and by 8.30 he's tucked up. The big one says goodnight just before he puts himself to bed at 10. Bliss. We do reading with youngest around dinner time. When we used to read in bed it would go on forever! Now I just turn the tv off and he goes to bed. Seems to have done no harm yet 🤞

Mine are 10&12. Bedtime is 8.30... but that doesn't mean sleep at 8.30. It means "mum is having her time now, you can read or do something quietly in your room until you are ready to sleep".

I think it's just one of those things as children get beyond babyhood. Activities often end at 8 or later. My kids are real owls and I have more time to myself on weekend mornings as the earliest they get up is 10:30. Are there other times you can do things on your own?

I find this really hard too. I'm a single parent working full time with 3 kids, by the time I've made dinner, taken them to various clubs, helped with homework, cleared up and got them ready for bed I am exhausted and in a need of an hour or two by myself but my eldest is now 13 and he wants to sit and chat or just lounge around the house until around 10 as he just isn't tired until then. Some nights I tell him he needs to get into bed at around 9 and read, but others I have just accepted that time to myself is non existent now and just enjoy spending time chatting with him about his day or we do some puzzles together or watch something suitable on the TV together. Some evenings I'm so tired that I'm in bed asleep before he is.

Not letting my dc see this thread or they’d feel hard done by. Mine went to bed 7.30pm up until year 6 when it shifted to 8pm. At 12 dtds bedtimes fluctuate - tonight we went to fireworks so bed was 10pm, which isn’t normal for a Sunday night. They’re usually I’m bed by 9pm but if they’ve had a few later nights (and dh and I want to watch a film) they do go to bed earlier or get sent up with a time to play quietly until. Dd1 is older and sometimes hangs with us or in her room. Very occasionally we’ll ask for an adults only evening or she’ll babysit while we go out. We still have quality time as a couple but it’s more planned. We do like hanging out as a family though and I don’t really parent other than “right guys, bed time now”.

Bedtime in my house is 8pm. That doesn’t mean go to sleep at 8pm. It means brush your teeth and get changed, then you can entertain yourself (and not bother mum) until it’s time to sleep. They can sit downstairs but usually choose to go to the bedroom with a book or iPad. If they’re downstairs and you desperately want to watch sweary tv you can use headphones!

We've always had late bedtimes with the dc. DD1 was still having 2 hour naps until she started primary school, so she was often not asleep until 9.30pm. Bedtime is around 8.30pm now.

It's worked for us, DH likes to be able to spend a decent amount of time with the DCs after work, and we just play with them, read with them, play board games or go through music practice and homework, long baths and chats. We just don't have much expectation of child-free time I guess. After they're in bed we start on the chores (do a lot of meal prep, laundry and cleaning up so next day is all prepped), admin etc. DH helps with that then he goes to bed by 10pm. I'm usually up until 1am or 2am and I get up at 6.30am.

Thank you for all your replies. It’s good to see I’m not the only one who struggles. I might try and implement going up and getting ready for bed at 7. Read stories etc until 7.30 and then in to bed and they can read to themselves for half an hour. I think the eldest would be fine with that. It’s the youngest who is more difficult and also struggles with reading but I guess she could play in bed before lights out at 8.
Maybe I do need to accept that the ‘me time’ stage is coming to an end. I just find parenting so exhausting some days, coupled with work and household tasks it feels never ending.
I do get to go to the gym one or 2 nights a week so it’s not every night and I think DH is more relaxed about parenting and bed times (probably because he does less of it) so let’s them do what they want

We have done the ‘time to go upstairs and read or play quietly’ thing for years.

Side effect is that we have DC who are big readers, because if it’s reading or playing or sleeping, it turns out that quite a lot of reading happens. Devices all stop working an hour before bedtime, so they’re not an option.

Mine are 6 and 8 OP and I totally get this. No couples time to be had as I'm single, but I would like some"me" time. Downtime.

Their bedtime has pushed later and later and I really need to bring it back so they are in bed before 8.

The longer term solution is you watch the TV you want in your bedroom, leave the kids downstairs. I don’t mean all evening obviously but it’s what my friends with older kids do (as they don’t want TV’s in the kids rooms yet).

We don’t have a tv in our bedroom and am resistant to getting one in there. Also I can foresee is all that would happen is they would come and mither me in there instead of in the lounge. Doesn’t seem to matter what room I’m in they still find me

We have “quiet time” in bedrooms for half an hour or so before lights out. So I read to them at 7:30/8 and then they both have until 8:30/9 before lights go off. They read/draw/play/listen to podcasts or audio books. Works well. They still annoy me a bit by coming down on the odd occasion but generally they just do their quiet wind down time

This is my struggle. My kids are nearly 8 and nearly 5. They’ve always been in bed by 7.30. DD (the younger one) still needs bed this early but it’s becoming obvious DS is ready to stay up later/just doesn’t need 11.5 hours sleep a night 🤣 we’re letting him stay up til 8 now but I can see that over time he will surely start going to bed at 9 or 10.

It’s not the sweary TV so much, though there is that. It’s not even the extension of our own working hours by having to parent later.

My main concern is WHEN are we meant to have sex once the kids go to bed at the same time as us?!? We’ve already lost the mornings and afternoons and early evenings (aka all the good times of day when we are actually not exhausted). Pre-bed sex is the dregs remaining to us but I don’t want to lose that too 😂

We don’t have any TVs in bedrooms in this house either (including for adults). Could be I have to rethink this policy in the years to come but I am resistant!

Haha! This reminds me of the Tv in my room in the 90s - and hearing dad coming and switching to the news at 10 when I’d actually been watching ally Mcbeal and ER haha.

I don't understand why this is a problem. You're a parent 24/7, no one stops parenting at 7. My lot have always gone to bed at the same time as me, it's never occurred to me to do anything else, they don't need a massive amount of sleep. I love spending time with them and wouldn't give up a minute with them for the sake of some TV show.

Would your youngest enjoy a Yoto, @Gymmum82 ? She might be able to listen to some stories / music before going to sleep?

I sympathise though, for what felt like forever DS was up at 5 and would only nap in the car . So I was constantly in a dilemma of did I go to bed at 9 to get enough sleep and thus a snatched two hours to myself or did I stay up late and be exhausted?

TBF it does come back. Mine are 19 & 17 and will often spend the evening downstairs with us.

In answer to OP eating all together in the evenings helps. I think we stopped stories at about this age at Dd's request. IME bedtime is quicker. So at this age we had a family meal around 7 then one adult cleared up while the other herded them up stairs. Later we all cleared dinner together.

You just say, “I’m watching TV now. It’s not appropriate for children so stay out of the living room for the next hour.” And then when they’re older you suddenly realise they can watch it with you and you find yourself watching Breaking Bad re-runs or whatever and it’s actually really nice being able to share that with them!

You have unreasonable expectation with bedtime. Mine are 12 and 9 and bedtime is 9.30 and 8.30. Older one is an early sleeper. Plenty of her friends have 10 or 10.30 bedtime. You can watch stuff on tablet or TV in your room.

I put the toddler down at 7. Then we eat and I go to bed on my own at 8 and watch tv in bed. Dh puts the other two to bed at 8.30/9 and im always asleep by the time he goes up. I'm up at 5ish with the toddler.