How do you manage when your kids bedtime gets later?

[Gymmum82]

Kids bedtime over the years has gradually gotten later and later and now sits at 8pm.

Now I am 100% done with parenting by 7pm. I don’t want to be reading stories. Fetching drinks, hot water bottles. Arguing about teeth brushing or anything else after this time.

My own bed time is early due to getting up at 5.30am most days for work. So I’m normally in bed by 9.30-10pm leaving me only 1.5 hours to sit, relax, unwind, watch a bit of telly. Spend time with my husband without constant mither and interruption.

Don’t get me wrong I love my kids but how do you manage when they want to stay up later and you don’t want them to? I feel like I lose my rag with them most nights because I’m done and just want them to go to bed and leave me alone! Any helpful advice?

1.5 hours every evening sounds like loads of time to watch TV to me?! I've never had early to bed kids. I finish stories with my 9 year old at 9.30pm usually, although I've been thinking about moving it a bit earlier so he can have more time reading independently. I just rarely watch adult TV.

I'm picturing a 9 year old settled with a lullaby!

I literally said this to my husband recently. Both ours in bed at 6.45pm now as 2 and 3 and neither nap but we both go to bed early 9.30ish but by the time I've washed up , put washing away had a shower etc it's not long to just chill. Could they have a little telly in their room perhaps not ideal but would mean you get to wind down any if on quiet enough maybe they would just drift off ? It's incentive to brush teeth , get pjs on, have a wee etc THEN you can have telly on

The more I read about bedtimes on mn, the worse I feel for my parents! I must have been a nightmare - I remember my bedtime being 8pm from a young age, I refused to even go upstairs alone to brush my teeth, let alone play or whatever, and as a teen I just stayed downstairs in the living room watching whatever they watched til we all went up to bed! Christ they must have been glad when I moved out
Anyway, I don't have much advice as mine are small and I go to bed as soon as they are tucked in as I love bedtime. I watch a bit of telly, chat to DH, do some skincare stuff. Plus it saves the littlest navigating the stairs if he decides to come and find me.

Interesting thread. My ten year old has always had one of us put her to bed. Always been a terrible sleeper. But we, like you want time to ourselves to watch tv that's not appropriate for her and to have a chat without little ears around. We send her up at 8 with one of us and we listen to her read and then let her watch tv (bbc iplayer child approved programmes) until 9 then it's sleep time. It seems to work for us.

Do they do any sports or activities as I use the time waiting around to catch up on TV that I like ~ once they got to the magic age8 and you could leave them, but my eldest does long training sessions so instead of going home I use that as my “me” time. Unfortunately DH has now cottoned on to this and wants to use it as his long run time! So we tag team looking after younger DD as she can be a handful.

Do bedtime at the same time, they get to have water and an audiobook on in their rooms, then lights out at a certain time.

Do you have other rooms with tvs in them? Mine are 8 and 11, some nights we watch things together, sometimes they watch other things in different rooms or play Xbox. Then they both go to bed and read to themselves.

Our rules are that after 7pm they have to turn off devices and it's only programmes DH or I want to watch on the TV. PJs on and teeth brushed at this time but it doesn't mean they have to go to sleep. Sometimes they stay up to watch something with us or if they find it boring (e.g DH and I watching Location Location Location) they go to their rooms and are allowed to read until I go in for lights out and a hug.

As a PP said, they are excellent readers as often they choose to read their own books rather than watch something with us.

Mini blondes is almost 7

She loves reading and is very good at it

She also loves her sleep thankfully and would often be in bed 630 as tired and sleep till 715/730

We still do bedtime 630/645 and then she can read in bed till 730

That is working out well. She has a chill

I have a chill as work nights so can relax at 7pm eat my tea. Watch 30m of something and drive to work

As she gets older will prob say can ready later but timings are working at moment

I think the problem is the idea that you can only relax when everyone else is done. When they are babies this is true - you only rest when they are asleep or content. When they are older and staying up later - fuck that. It's ok to say no, you are busy, while what you are busy with is not actually a dire emergency but watching a film with a glass of wine.
Men and children too often just gang up on the woman in a house like a servant, like something is actually deeply wrong if she is pleasing herself for a couple of hours. is it just the kids or does the DH expect this too? Does he give you an accusing look if a 7 year old whines about something the 7 year old could just sort out themselves? Those accusing look givers can fuck right off

Mine read in bed from 7pm- the 6 year old for half an hour, the 9 year old for an hour and a half.

BUT I realise I am insanely lucky that they'll do this- the youngest especially has surprised me but he obviously sees it as very cool and aspirational as the eldest one does?! Long may it last. I feel like I need that evening quiet too.

This is so sad. Can you go for a swim or something on way home to destress? Find a game you enjoy, play as a family and then they go up and read for 20 minutes. Before you know it they'll be going same time as you, in their rooms all evening and you'll miss them!

This is absolutely sound advice- and what I will move to when they insist on staying downstairs later.
I've made a rod for my own back by only having kids TV on etc when they're up. I'm pushing back by having Wimbledon, football on in the day and refusing to move to fetch every little thing! When i was their age there was no kids tv so if we stayed up it was coronation st etc and we kids had to clear up dinner stuff and tidy kitchen... once mum had served dinner she was done serving! I respect that!

At 7 and 9 can't they read their own stories in bed for an hour or so then turn their own light off?

On my husband's nights to go up to bed with them I used to tell the kids the wrong time then play video of cbeebies nighttime hour or whatever the hell it was called. The time has come to say goodnight, etc.

They do have autism though and because I'm a dreadful mother and a fucking awful human being in general I took advantage of their love for routine and the fact they couldn't tell the time. My husband who is a far better person than I am, didn't. He let me have the extra hour with him before I took the kids up to the communal floorbed and got stomped on till he joined us later.

This feels like a hashtag sorry not sorry moment. 😁

We never had dinner earlier than 6.30/7pm so bedtime at 8pm was always the earliest here.

You learn to adjust. But at 7 and 9 I would expect to just read a bit to them and then they are old enough to read on their own/listen to an audiobook and go to sleep alone.

By age 12 you have spent something like 80% of all the time you will have with them leaving 20% left for the rest of your lives.

Is TV really a higher priority than spending fleeting time with your children in their world. TV will still be there when they are 18 and busy with their own lives.

It’s a fleeting phase … they’ll soon be going out just as you’re going up to bed 😁

Mine will roll her eyes at me and think I’m mad.

The answer is that you don't get your time anymore in the evening or at least not as much of it.
I remember struggling with this transition but you just have to go with it. We would end up watching any series we were following later or later at weekends.
You might get an hour if they had gone down by 9 ish.
Now they are mid teens they are in their rooms some of the evening so we get time to chill or watch a programme again.