Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Flatmate says I owe her £600

641 replies

Digestivesandcheese · 02/11/2023 15:11

I was meeting my flatmate (who is also a good friend) in London recently and agreed to bring her weekend bag with me on the train (She was meeting her DM earlier in the day for a trip to the Theatre) I had a rucksack containing my things for the weekend.
I got off the train in London and realised I had stupidly left her bag on the train. I got back on the train but the bag was gone! It hasn't turned up in lost property. I have chased up several times.
My friend says I owe her £600 for the bag and contents. I agree it was my fault but can I claim compensation from the rail company as the bag hasn't turned up? If not, I will have to borrow money to pay my friend for her things

OP posts:
notlucreziaborgia · 03/11/2023 14:15

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 14:04

Really. I don't think my all my clothes/toiletries are worth several hundred pounds, let alone a weekend bags worth, particularly as makeup and lenses would be in my handbag already.

Show quote history

Well then, shame she didn’t lose your bag then, isn’t it?

Plenty of us would take things that cost a lot more than that for a night/weekend away. It’s not abnormal.

notlucreziaborgia · 03/11/2023 14:19

VanityDiesHard · 03/11/2023 14:12

It's not some gauche display of wealth to not only have leggings that cost a fiver from Asda in your bag.

And here we come to the nub of the issue. People are displaying staggering amounts of envy and reverse snobbery. It kind of reminds me of a thread a couple of weeks ago where someone had been ripped off by the cleaner for her airBnB. There were a lot of bitter moaners who told her that she ought to do her own cleaning. I don't know what reality these people are living in that they think that £600.00 is Kardashian level bling, but it is very bizarre.

Mumsnet has a reputation for being a place where people brag about/inflate their high incomes, whilst simultaneously being a place of the competitively destitute.

If neuroticism was an internet forum.

VanityDiesHard · 03/11/2023 14:22

notlucreziaborgia · 03/11/2023 14:19

Mumsnet has a reputation for being a place where people brag about/inflate their high incomes, whilst simultaneously being a place of the competitively destitute.

If neuroticism was an internet forum.

Show quote history

It would appear so. I find the duality of this place absolutely fascinating. It also manages to be simultaneously staggeringly misandrist and misogynist, which is quite an achievement.

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 14:25

notlucreziaborgia · 03/11/2023 14:15

Well then, shame she didn’t lose your bag then, isn’t it?

Plenty of us would take things that cost a lot more than that for a night/weekend away. It’s not abnormal.

Show quote history

It's not abnormal to only have reasonably prices items in a bag you are expecting someone else to be responsible for either unless you are very well off which you presumably aren't if you need full reimbursement.

notlucreziaborgia · 03/11/2023 14:29

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 14:25

It's not abnormal to only have reasonably prices items in a bag you are expecting someone else to be responsible for either unless you are very well off which you presumably aren't if you need full reimbursement.

Show quote history

Yea, imagine having the audacity to trust a friend to bring your bag with them. And she totally forced OP to say yes and assume responsibility, the monster!

It doesn’t matter if someone is well off or not - if you’re careless and lose their things then it’s on you to reimburse them.

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 14:29

VanityDiesHard · 03/11/2023 14:09

There was no real 'risk' the OP was just careless (which she admits, fair play to her) I agree that it was a nice thing for her to do, but it was not some massive favour and I am bemused that people seem to be branding the friend as being a CF just for expecting to be made whole again.

Show quote history

If it was just a case of OP being careless the bag would have still been there when she got on the train. Obviously there was theft involved too.

novalia89 · 03/11/2023 14:31

The OP got off the train before she realised that she didn't have it, so I think that there is definitely an element of carelessness in there. There was no checking she had all items BEFORE she got off the train.

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 14:33

notlucreziaborgia · 03/11/2023 14:29

Yea, imagine having the audacity to trust a friend to bring your bag with them. And she totally forced OP to say yes and assume responsibility, the monster!

It doesn’t matter if someone is well off or not - if you’re careless and lose their things then it’s on you to reimburse them.

Show quote history

She has forced OP to assume responsibility though by asking her to pay for the entire loss.

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 14:34

novalia89 · 03/11/2023 14:31

The OP got off the train before she realised that she didn't have it, so I think that there is definitely an element of carelessness in there. There was no checking she had all items BEFORE she got off the train.

Yes there is an element of carelessness but there is also an element of criminality and without the latter, the bag wouldn't have been lost.

notlucreziaborgia · 03/11/2023 14:34

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 14:33

She has forced OP to assume responsibility though by asking her to pay for the entire loss.

Show quote history

I…suggest you acquaint yourself with the definition of ‘forced’.

🫠

PloddingAlong21 · 03/11/2023 14:38

Worth her airtagging her bag in the future at that value

travelnorth · 03/11/2023 14:42

Apologies I missed the bit that your friend was going to the theatre and that is why you took her bag.

GladysHeeler · 03/11/2023 14:46

PloddingAlong21 · 03/11/2023 14:38

Worth her airtagging her bag in the future at that value

Then the contents would be £630.

IActuallyDidItMyself · 03/11/2023 14:50

I'm still flabbergasted by posters insisting that £600 is an outrageous amount for the contents of a weekend bag... I think they would likely be quite surprised if they added up what it would cost to replace everything they packed into a bag for a weekend away.

And to all the posters suggesting the friend goes halves with the OP – I'm guessing she probably already has. £600 would definitely not cover multiple high-end items.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/11/2023 14:53

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 14:25

It's not abnormal to only have reasonably prices items in a bag you are expecting someone else to be responsible for either unless you are very well off which you presumably aren't if you need full reimbursement.

Show quote history

What do you consider 'reasonably' priced? Shop, rather than singular items.

And if you're going to say 'I only buy from charity shops' - what brands do you buy from charity shops?

amusedbush · 03/11/2023 15:14

wibdib · 02/11/2023 21:25

Op maybe one of the reasons you forgot to pick it up was because somebody had earlier stolen it at a different stop so you didn’t see it to be reminded that you needed to pick it up as you would normally expect…
it might be worth contacting the station or British Transport Police to see if they have cctv coverage of the platform and can see you get out - and then somebody else get out with it. If they don’t then at least you’ll be able to say that it was stolen before you got off and you can get a crime number if you need it.
I don’t know what the carriage you say in was like but if it was anything like many of the trains I’ve taken, you have to leave large bags near the entry to the carriage - and then hope that you can get a seat nearby to be able to keep an eye on it all the time - which often doesn’t happen. If your friend has taken her bag and it was busy on the train it could easily have happened to her.
i would also definitely get an itemised list of everything that was in the bag - if only to be able to compare it with the contents should it turn up at a later date!
aAnd make sure that you both agree what happens with regards to the money should you pay up and the bag reappear afterwards…

This is exactly what I was thinking while reading the thread.

The 2-3 minutes that OP was away from her seat seems too convenient. I appreciate that some thefts are purely opportunistic but I'm more inclined to believe someone stole the bag earlier in the journey and because it wasn't there to prompt OP, she forgot about it.

KatJarratt · 03/11/2023 15:19

Well the OP said her own bag would have probably only been worth a couple of hundred so maybe she genuinely didn't expect her flatmates to be worth more when she agreed to carry it. I think she also mentioned potentially having to pay it back a little at a time so my impression was that she would really struggle to find that amount. To my way of thinking a real friend who appears to be better off wouldn't put someone through that. Either way I bet the OP wishes she'd left her own bag on the train instead.

dontgobaconmyheart · 03/11/2023 15:39

I would ask her for an itemised list of what was in the bag and be sure to make a police report. Agree what will happen should the bag turn up with any of the items still in it. I would also be asking her to check her contents insurance to see if it covers this, or your own, whoever has it.

I get that you want to pay her back OP and I understand that seems fair but I cannot imagine being her (clearly much better off financially) and genuinely having a friend borrow money off their mother to try and pay her back at £5 a week it's so unfeasible. I'd be upset of course but that would just feel odd, let alone saying to you that you will be paying it back. I'd accept a nominal amount if you could afford it certainly, particularly if there was something specifically expensive in there like technology but otherwise I would be sucking it up as one of life's unfortunate things - and I say that as someone who is not hugely well off either so it isn't as though the value is lost on me.

JVC24601 · 03/11/2023 15:41

Digestivesandcheese · 02/11/2023 16:40

All her things are new or nearly new. Much better quality and condition than my own.
We will still be friends. I will borrow the money from my DM. I feel so bad for losing my friends things. I have promised to replace everything and I will. My DM would give me the money but we agree as it was my own silly mistake I should pay my Mum back using a standing order and forget about it.
I was hoping someone would say yes you can claim from the railway. Thank you all for your replies

OP, you’re getting a weirdly hard time here- I suspect a lot of people replying have never travelled long distance with luggage. You are emphatically told by train staff to leave luggage in the luggage racks at the end of carriages and take your seat- you have to leave it unattended.

You initially stepping off the train without it is irrelevant to the fact that it has been stolen at some point in the journey.

You need to report this to the police, and ask them to chase up CCTV- you wouldn’t be allowed to view it yourself but the railway company will provide it to them.

I also wouldn’t be at all surprised if there is some way of making a claim if you have a crime reference number.

This is a crime- it’s not that you’ve lost it yourself, it has been stolen. You really do need to chase it up even if out of principle.

As for who should pay, it’s a tricky one- if it can’t be retrieved then I’d say you probably should come to some kind of part payment arrangement. There is a (small) chance though that if the CCTV is successful, and they can catch the culprit, you could get some money back very far down the line- I wouldn’t bank on it though.

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 16:00

IActuallyDidItMyself · 03/11/2023 14:50

I'm still flabbergasted by posters insisting that £600 is an outrageous amount for the contents of a weekend bag... I think they would likely be quite surprised if they added up what it would cost to replace everything they packed into a bag for a weekend away.

And to all the posters suggesting the friend goes halves with the OP – I'm guessing she probably already has. £600 would definitely not cover multiple high-end items.

So you are flabbergasted that not everyone would put multiple high end items in a weekend bag for someone else to carry?

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 16:04

JVC24601 · 03/11/2023 15:41

OP, you’re getting a weirdly hard time here- I suspect a lot of people replying have never travelled long distance with luggage. You are emphatically told by train staff to leave luggage in the luggage racks at the end of carriages and take your seat- you have to leave it unattended.

You initially stepping off the train without it is irrelevant to the fact that it has been stolen at some point in the journey.

You need to report this to the police, and ask them to chase up CCTV- you wouldn’t be allowed to view it yourself but the railway company will provide it to them.

I also wouldn’t be at all surprised if there is some way of making a claim if you have a crime reference number.

This is a crime- it’s not that you’ve lost it yourself, it has been stolen. You really do need to chase it up even if out of principle.

As for who should pay, it’s a tricky one- if it can’t be retrieved then I’d say you probably should come to some kind of part payment arrangement. There is a (small) chance though that if the CCTV is successful, and they can catch the culprit, you could get some money back very far down the line- I wouldn’t bank on it though.

Show quote history

I agree. I also think many people don't get on trains of they think it is so negligent to put luggage on the luggage rack. You are absolutely told to do this. Obviously noone should leave valuables in the luggage but I would say the same of a weekend bag if you are expecting someone else to carry it.

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 16:09

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/11/2023 14:53

What do you consider 'reasonably' priced? Shop, rather than singular items.

And if you're going to say 'I only buy from charity shops' - what brands do you buy from charity shops?

Show quote history

No I don't get everything from a charity shop. For a weekend, I would probably have one dress for about £70-£90, and nothing else would be brand new so maybe worth about £60 altogether. I would not include makeup and anything expensive in a weekend bag for someone else to carry.

burnoutbabe · 03/11/2023 16:11

travelnorth · 03/11/2023 13:34

Wow! I would never carry anybody’s stuff after reading this.

indeed

Can you take this book home for me? sure - then you find out its actually signed BY XYZ and worth a ton.

Or someone has left their very expensive headphones and an ipad in their bag. Suddenly you'd have to pay £1000. at what point do you have to say "i am fine to carry your stuff, and i suppose pay £50 if something happens, but beyind that, the risk is on you" - this could be a bag stolen or even "train lurches and bag falls off luggage rack and the ipad smashes?"

if you are giving someone something that is valuable, then warn them. so they can take more care or refuse your offer to do them a favour.

TripleDaisySummer · 03/11/2023 16:24

I agree. I also think many people don't get on trains of they think it is so negligent to put luggage on the luggage rack. You are absolutely told to do this. Obviously noone should leave valuables in the luggage but I would say the same of a weekend bag if you are expecting someone else to carry it.

It why we now favour smaller cases we can keep with us or go on racks overhead rather than one large case.

Last time traveled with large case - one per adult as to get DD1 to uni - and people were moving our cases round in the rack making them hard to get to - luckily DH was happy standing when man tried to take one of ours out to put next to doors to make room for his families cases.

IsobelElsie123 · 03/11/2023 17:42

Do you have personal insurance? Doubt you can claim from rail company or many people would be saying they had left items of value on the train.