Page 16 | Flatmate says I owe her £600

Digestivesandcheese · 2023-11-02T15:11:32+00:00

I was meeting my flatmate (who is also a good friend) in London recently and agreed to bring her weekend bag with me on the train (She was meeting her DM earlier in the day for a trip to the Theatre) I had a rucksack containing my things for the weekend. I got off the train in London and realised I had stupidly left her bag on the train. I got back on the train but the bag was gone! It hasn't turned up in lost property. I have chased up several times. My friend says I owe her £600 for the bag and contents. I agree it was my fault but can I claim compensation from the rail company as the bag hasn't turned up? If not, I will have to borrow money to pay my friend for her things

Thedm · 03/11/2023 11:27

Passepartoute · 03/11/2023 09:42

If you have a bag with contents worth £1K, would you ask someone else to carry it for you? I would want to make sure I had it with me at all times.

And if you are asking someone else to carry it for you and effectively to insure the contents for you in case it got lost, do you think you should tell them? If it were me being asked to take that sort of responsibility, I would certainly expect to be given the choice - and I would probably suggest to the case owner that they made other arrangements.

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I trust my friends not to walk off and leave my bag behind, so yes, I’d ask them to bring a bag. But they could absolutely say no.
If someone stole it whilst she was on the train from the luggage rack then that wouldn’t be her fault. If someone grabbed it out her hands then that wouldn’t be her fault. I wouldn’t expect anyone to pay for it. It if she walked off and left it on the train then yes, she would have to pay for it.

IActuallyDidItMyself · 03/11/2023 11:30

makingmebrighter · 03/11/2023 11:11

All the people saying 'you're responsible, you pay' would absolutely not feel the same if they suddenly had to find £600!

If my friend had lost my bag, I'd be pretty gutted but I don't think I'd be demanding a payment to cover purchases of brand new stuff! I'd accept that mistakes happen and look to reach a compromise. That's the nature of good friendships I think!

I think most of the people saying that OP is responsible would be the first to put their hands up to pay if they lost the bag... that's the point. It's the kind of friend I want to be and the kind of friends I would like to have.

If I lost the bag I would 100% offer to replace the contents as OP has done (and as many have said, the £600 cost is very likely a significant reduction on what the contents are actually worth). And, if my friend lost my bag I would expect the same.

We had a friend come over to our house and damage something expensive through carelessness – she didn't offer to replace or fix it, and we didn't ask. But we certainly saw her in a different light and haven't invited her back since. If I broke something at a friend's house I would definitely replace it and if they insisted that I didn't need to I would send flowers or something as way of apology.

NewFriendlyLadybird · 03/11/2023 11:34

If you ask someone to do you a favour, and they accept, they are accepting the responsibility for doing what they say they will do.
Mumsnet is full of posts bemoaning the fact that people have refused to do favours for others, or that they’ve agreed to do something and then not done it.
I don’t think it’s entitled to ask someone for a favour. The OP could have declined and the flatmate would presumably found a way to bring her own bag with her. But once you say you’re going to do something, you really do have to do it.
And anyone else wittering on about the value of used items, especially the cosmetics, is missing the point. The flatmate is not selling them: she has to replace them because she doesn’t have them any more.

chocolatemousse3 · 03/11/2023 11:46

rascalraves · 02/11/2023 21:44

If I was the friend and this happened there is no way I would be Charging a
Friend for a lost bag.

Exaclty this!

What kind of person do this? she expect OP to be responsible for their things when she's not! I can't imagine suggesting to a friend AND flatmate that has to pay me for an accident. She may have expensive taste but I find that so cheap! Friendship means nothing these days.

notlucreziaborgia · 03/11/2023 11:58

makingmebrighter · 03/11/2023 11:11

All the people saying 'you're responsible, you pay' would absolutely not feel the same if they suddenly had to find £600!

If my friend had lost my bag, I'd be pretty gutted but I don't think I'd be demanding a payment to cover purchases of brand new stuff! I'd accept that mistakes happen and look to reach a compromise. That's the nature of good friendships I think!

Yes, I would. It would be a matter of integrity. I wouldn’t treat a friend like some posters on here are proposing.

If I’ve fucked up, that’s on me. If I’m £600 down as a result, that’s also on me. I would consider myself lucky it was only £600 tbh.

notlucreziaborgia · 03/11/2023 12:00

chocolatemousse3 · 03/11/2023 11:46

Exaclty this!

What kind of person do this? she expect OP to be responsible for their things when she's not! I can't imagine suggesting to a friend AND flatmate that has to pay me for an accident. She may have expensive taste but I find that so cheap! Friendship means nothing these days.

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A friendship with someone so careless with your belongings, that assumes responsibility for them then shrugs it off with a ‘not my problem!’? I would invite the trash to take itself out.

PinkPantherPrat · 03/11/2023 12:20

notlucreziaborgia · 03/11/2023 12:00

A friendship with someone so careless with your belongings, that assumes responsibility for them then shrugs it off with a ‘not my problem!’? I would invite the trash to take itself out.

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Don't think OP is really saying that - she was scrabbling around trying to think of ways to get it back.

Friend would probably give her a few months to pay it back, so essentials first then everything else.

A friend once lent me £300 when my pet had to be put down unexpectedly and gave me a couple of months to settle.

How large was this bag though? It seems a bit puzzling friend couldn't carry it herself.

notlucreziaborgia · 03/11/2023 12:28

PinkPantherPrat · 03/11/2023 12:20

Don't think OP is really saying that - she was scrabbling around trying to think of ways to get it back.

Friend would probably give her a few months to pay it back, so essentials first then everything else.

A friend once lent me £300 when my pet had to be put down unexpectedly and gave me a couple of months to settle.

How large was this bag though? It seems a bit puzzling friend couldn't carry it herself.

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I’m not referring to OP, she has actually acted with integrity. I’m talking about those that think a ‘your problem!’ is an appropriate response.

’I wouldn’t be friends with anyone that wouldn’t accept that!’ - as if that would be any loss to the friend.

PinkPantherPrat · 03/11/2023 12:31

notlucreziaborgia · 03/11/2023 12:28

I’m not referring to OP, she has actually acted with integrity. I’m talking about those that think a ‘your problem!’ is an appropriate response.

’I wouldn’t be friends with anyone that wouldn’t accept that!’ - as if that would be any loss to the friend.

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Ah OK, sorry, I misunderstood.

Zone2NorthLondon · 03/11/2023 12:35

Rocket1982 · 03/11/2023 08:12

4 scenarios:

bag carrier punched in the face and bag taken from her
thief grabbed bag from next to carrier’s feet and ran off with it. Carrier chases thief and is not successful
thief grabs bag from the luggage rack as trains stops and carrier sees them jump off train and train pulls away
thief steals bag from luggage rack while carrier is not looking

in which of these scenarios is the bag carrier responsible for the missing bag? An easy rule is that the thief and not the carrier is responsible in all scenarios but most people on the thread are arguing that the carrier bears full responsibility in scenario 4 at least.

You’re not writing for The Bill in reality none of your hysterical scenario are real
OP left the bag in a train unattended upon her return it was missing. That is the actual story
Inventing made up stories and adding a coulda , woulda,shoulda dilemma is pointless

HaddawayAndShite · 03/11/2023 12:58

thief steals bag from luggage rack while carrier is not looking

in which of these scenarios is the bag carrier responsible for the missing bag? An easy rule is that the thief and not the carrier is responsible in all scenarios but most people on the thread are arguing that the carrier bears full responsibility in scenario 4 at least.

That’s literally why they tell you not to leave your possessions unattended. You leave luggage in the racks out of sight, you do so on the understanding that the train operator takes no responsibility for what happens to it. So yes, if you leave you property unattended and it is stolen, you are responsible for no longer being in possession of the property. You can’t control other people but you take responsibility of what you can control.

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 13:21

HaddawayAndShite · 03/11/2023 12:58

thief steals bag from luggage rack while carrier is not looking

in which of these scenarios is the bag carrier responsible for the missing bag? An easy rule is that the thief and not the carrier is responsible in all scenarios but most people on the thread are arguing that the carrier bears full responsibility in scenario 4 at least.

That’s literally why they tell you not to leave your possessions unattended. You leave luggage in the racks out of sight, you do so on the understanding that the train operator takes no responsibility for what happens to it. So yes, if you leave you property unattended and it is stolen, you are responsible for no longer being in possession of the property. You can’t control other people but you take responsibility of what you can control.

Have you been on a busy train recently? Sometimes people have no choice but to use the luggage rack and they may get pushed down the isle so they can't see it. I doubt that anyone chooses to be in the position where they can't see their luggage. What do you expect them to do?

travelnorth · 03/11/2023 13:34

Wow! I would never carry anybody’s stuff after reading this.

Milliemoos5 · 03/11/2023 13:41

Exactly this! It’s entirely on the head of the flatmate…and was a complete accident by the poster. There was always always a possibility something could have happened to the flat mates bag; mugging/damage/mislaid. The flatmate took that risk knowingly (any sane person would know that asking someone else to bring your bag with them on public transport through the streets of London carries a risk!)

shameful that she’s expecting you to reimburse her in full. I’m actually astounded!

VanityDiesHard · 03/11/2023 13:44

NorseKiwi · 03/11/2023 11:19

Blimey, I think the flatmate needs to take the hit for the loss, the OP was doing her a favour!

I don't understand this attitude at all, and to be fair to her neither does the OP appear to. I don't see carrying someone's case (when I was meeting up with them anyway) to be this huge, massive favour. The OP lives with her friend, and the friend asked her to bring her case along. It isn't as if this was some long, convoluted set up where the OP had to go out of her way. They literally live together and were going to meet anyway.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 03/11/2023 13:57

I think the friend should have informed you of the value of the bag and it's contents. There's a big difference taking responsibility for something that might cost £100 to replace versus £600. I'd feel horrible for losing the bag, but I wouldn't be happy to have had such an expensive bill put on me when had I know the facts before hand I would have said no to the favour.

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 14:00

VanityDiesHard · 03/11/2023 13:44

I don't understand this attitude at all, and to be fair to her neither does the OP appear to. I don't see carrying someone's case (when I was meeting up with them anyway) to be this huge, massive favour. The OP lives with her friend, and the friend asked her to bring her case along. It isn't as if this was some long, convoluted set up where the OP had to go out of her way. They literally live together and were going to meet anyway.

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OP got no benefit out of taking the bag but she was expected to take the risk of loosing quite a lot of money so I would say that was a big favour.

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 03/11/2023 14:01

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 03/11/2023 13:57

I think the friend should have informed you of the value of the bag and it's contents. There's a big difference taking responsibility for something that might cost £100 to replace versus £600. I'd feel horrible for losing the bag, but I wouldn't be happy to have had such an expensive bill put on me when had I know the facts before hand I would have said no to the favour.

It’s a bag containing clothes / toiletries for at least one night away including an evening out. It would never occur to me someone wouldn’t realise it’s got items worth at least £1,000 if not considerably more.

I wouldn’t ‘warn’ someone because I’d see it as blatantly obvious.

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 14:02

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 03/11/2023 13:57

I think the friend should have informed you of the value of the bag and it's contents. There's a big difference taking responsibility for something that might cost £100 to replace versus £600. I'd feel horrible for losing the bag, but I wouldn't be happy to have had such an expensive bill put on me when had I know the facts before hand I would have said no to the favour.

Yes, that is how I would feel. I wouldn't mind taking something worth a few pounds to someone but no way would I take several hundred on a crowded train.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/11/2023 14:04

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coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 14:04

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 03/11/2023 14:01

It’s a bag containing clothes / toiletries for at least one night away including an evening out. It would never occur to me someone wouldn’t realise it’s got items worth at least £1,000 if not considerably more.

I wouldn’t ‘warn’ someone because I’d see it as blatantly obvious.

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Really. I don't think my all my clothes/toiletries are worth several hundred pounds, let alone a weekend bags worth, particularly as makeup and lenses would be in my handbag already.

travelnorth · 03/11/2023 14:07

Why were you asked to take the bag? Did she wanted to travel light?

VanityDiesHard · 03/11/2023 14:09

coffeeaddict77 · 03/11/2023 14:00

OP got no benefit out of taking the bag but she was expected to take the risk of loosing quite a lot of money so I would say that was a big favour.

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There was no real 'risk' the OP was just careless (which she admits, fair play to her) I agree that it was a nice thing for her to do, but it was not some massive favour and I am bemused that people seem to be branding the friend as being a CF just for expecting to be made whole again.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 03/11/2023 14:09

I don't know why people are still banging on about the cost of the bag and items? They were going away for a weekend. That would require, for a lot of women, a couple of changes of outfit, at least one other pair of shoes, maybe some evening wear, make up and toiletries, maybe some hair styling implement. It's not some gauche display of wealth to not only have leggings that cost a fiver from Asda in your bag.

And those of you making a big deal are missing the point that actually, if she wants everything replaced, it's likely that's because she can't afford to do so herself?

Someone upthread described it as mental gymnastics to make it the flatmate's fault. It is. I'm sorry OP is upset, but it was her fault. And it doesn't matter how 'appalling' some might find it that the flatmate even had the audacity to ask, OP said yes and then lost a bag full of stuff.

VanityDiesHard · 03/11/2023 14:12

It's not some gauche display of wealth to not only have leggings that cost a fiver from Asda in your bag.

And here we come to the nub of the issue. People are displaying staggering amounts of envy and reverse snobbery. It kind of reminds me of a thread a couple of weeks ago where someone had been ripped off by the cleaner for her airBnB. There were a lot of bitter moaners who told her that she ought to do her own cleaning. I don't know what reality these people are living in that they think that £600.00 is Kardashian level bling, but it is very bizarre.