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Original poster

Was this a backhanded compliment?

16 replies

SiennaSienna · 01/11/2023 12:16

Lighthearted. Someone I recently met told me I look like Vera Farmiga. (I really don't. I have brown almond shaped eyes whereas she has blue hooded eyes. Different nose too.) She's also 5 years older than me... Thoughts?

OP posts:
OverratedHoliday · 01/11/2023 12:18

I didn't know her so googled her. She's a very attractive lady. I would take it as as a compliment, not worth the energy wondering if it's not.

dontgobaconmyheart · 01/11/2023 12:45

I don't think there's anything in it at all OP, I suspect you're overthinking. People say things like this all the time in offhand ways and I really don't think they're scrutinising your face or age so much as just saw a picture of that person recently and something very vague about it (same hairstyle or hair colour) called them to mind. If you asked this person your eye colour for example, would they even know it.

What about it do you imagine is the backhanded bit?

Antst · 01/11/2023 14:02

Don't overthink it! The person would have meant that something seems similar between you and Vera Farmiga. She's beautiful, good at what she does, and generally respected, so it was meant as a compliment!

Maybe your overall shape or facial features look like hers. Who knows what stood out to the person. I also find her to be quite striking and have found myself thinking that people with healthy-looking cheeks and eyes that look kind when they smile look like her.

Original poster
SiennaSienna · 01/11/2023 15:03

Thanks all. This is someone I've only met a couple of times so I don't have a sense of who she is as a person yet (if that makes sense). I actually had to look up VF myself because I didn't recognize the name at first. She's definitely not unattractive but I don't see the semblance and I guess it stings a little to be compared to someone 5 years older rather than being told "you look like a young <other actress>" in the past 😅But that's more of a me issue

OP posts:
Antst · 01/11/2023 15:32

SiennaSienna · 01/11/2023 15:03

Thanks all. This is someone I've only met a couple of times so I don't have a sense of who she is as a person yet (if that makes sense). I actually had to look up VF myself because I didn't recognize the name at first. She's definitely not unattractive but I don't see the semblance and I guess it stings a little to be compared to someone 5 years older rather than being told "you look like a young <other actress>" in the past 😅But that's more of a me issue

No, it definitely would have been meant as a compliment. She is famous for her looks among people who watch high-quality movies and don't think the Katie Price look is one to aspire to.

Look at Elizabeth Taylor (widely considered to be one of the most beautiful women ever) and Princess Diana. It doesn't matter that they would be much older than you if they were still alive. Anyone would be flattered to be compared to them. This is the same!

DappledThings · 01/11/2023 15:47

That's daft. She's 6 years older than me. I would be delighted to be compared to her. That's a tiny age difference really.

Original poster
SiennaSienna · 01/11/2023 15:52

I didn't say I wasn't being daft :) I think it's more to do with the person giving the compliment, she's very hard to read. Thanks again everyone. I shall take it as a compliment

OP posts:
GreenIsTheMagicColour · 01/11/2023 15:55

She is stunning and charismatic! In fact, she's always been my girl crush 😅

I'd take it as a huge compliment!

FictionalCharacter · 01/11/2023 15:55

She’s absolutely beautiful! There’s nothing backhanded about that compliment.

Punkkitty · 01/11/2023 15:58

Would love to be compared to Vera Farmiga so I would 💯 take it as a compliment.
Plus she did a top-notch cover of The Trooper by Ironmaiden so she’s alright in my (heavy metal song) book!

HardcoreLadyType · 01/11/2023 15:58

I once told someone she looked like Jo Wood. Jo Wood is a beautiful woman, but about 10 years older than the person I was talking to. She took it to mean I was saying she was old-looking, when I really meant she was attractive. What can you do?

CheezePleeze · 01/11/2023 16:01

Surely it was neither a compliment nor backhanded?

They literally just think you look like her.

Littlelucas · 01/11/2023 16:06

So going off VM's age I'm putting you at about 44 OP? Am I right in saying you have maybe started to lose confidence in your looks and are reading too much into this? When I was in my 20's I was often told I looked like someone a bit older than me but as she's considered attractive I wasn't bothered - now at 41 if I was told I looked like someone 45-50 I'd probably be a bit miffed - but that's down to my feelings surrounding ageing.

VM is a beautiful woman who looks 10 years younger than she is anyway! I'd say it's a huge compliment.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 01/11/2023 16:08

You´re about 45?

I understand that you might be a bit unhappy about being compared to a 50 yo.

But she is really pretty and could easily pass for 45 as far as I can tell by a quick google search.
And I would not mind looking like here when I am 45...

DottieMoon · 01/11/2023 16:13

I don't understand why you think it would be a back handed compliment

Original poster
SiennaSienna · 01/11/2023 18:09

Yes I think it's definitely a me issue - I'm used to looking younger than my age but I guess those days are over. She is attractive though so there's that. Again, thanks all.

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