Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

DH’s when DW is poorly? What is yours like?

60 replies

Paynefully · 30/10/2023 18:30

I don’t know if I’m just being a bit spoiled or expecting too much. But I’ve just spent 24hoirs in a hospital waiting room barely being seen for agonising pain in my shoulder/collar bone and right abdomen. When I was seen the doctor did some poking around and suspected I have a gallbladder infection. I went for a scan this morning and that was clear so they’re unsure of what’s wrong with me and sent me home with morphine and antibiotics just in case.

DH has been brilliant, he’s done everything while I’ve rested on the sofa so far, he took DS to nursery this morning and stayed with me at the hospital while waiting for results.

But now we’re home and I’ve had a ‘all clear’ for gallstones/gallbladder infection I can tell DH wants me to get up and cook tea, help the kids get to bed ect. I feel bad because I obviously want to help him but I feel absolutely horrendous. I am completely wiped out, pretty sure I’m high on morphine too as I keep semi falling asleep but I’m aware of my surrounding I just feel asleep but awake.

I still have considerably high pain in my abdomen but because there’s no ‘reason’ for it I feel like he thinks I’m just milking it or being lazy. He hasn’t said anything, but I can tell he’s stressed. - I just feel a little bit annoyed because I work from home with the kids everyday which is pretty stressful, and he was super reluctant to have a day off for me today. He doesn’t want to take another day off tomorrow but I just don’t know how I’m going to manage when the pain is so severe I can’t take a proper breath.

Am I just being a bit of a princess? :( I don’t want to make DH feel like crap and I don’t really want him to be stressed, but how do I manage on my own?

OP posts:
Moderateorgoodoccasionallyverypoor · 30/10/2023 18:48

Useless.

I was making dinner the day after getting home from having a total hysterectomy.
Several month before, when I’d had an exploratory laparoscopy, I was up making my own cup of tea and hanging the washing out on the line the next day.
I still regularly bring it up when he’s malingering and needs care Grin

Moderateorgoodoccasionallyverypoor · 30/10/2023 18:49

Sorry you are suffering though, I hope things ease for you soon Flowers

Notamum12345577 · 30/10/2023 18:52

Paynefully · 30/10/2023 18:30

I don’t know if I’m just being a bit spoiled or expecting too much. But I’ve just spent 24hoirs in a hospital waiting room barely being seen for agonising pain in my shoulder/collar bone and right abdomen. When I was seen the doctor did some poking around and suspected I have a gallbladder infection. I went for a scan this morning and that was clear so they’re unsure of what’s wrong with me and sent me home with morphine and antibiotics just in case.

DH has been brilliant, he’s done everything while I’ve rested on the sofa so far, he took DS to nursery this morning and stayed with me at the hospital while waiting for results.

But now we’re home and I’ve had a ‘all clear’ for gallstones/gallbladder infection I can tell DH wants me to get up and cook tea, help the kids get to bed ect. I feel bad because I obviously want to help him but I feel absolutely horrendous. I am completely wiped out, pretty sure I’m high on morphine too as I keep semi falling asleep but I’m aware of my surrounding I just feel asleep but awake.

I still have considerably high pain in my abdomen but because there’s no ‘reason’ for it I feel like he thinks I’m just milking it or being lazy. He hasn’t said anything, but I can tell he’s stressed. - I just feel a little bit annoyed because I work from home with the kids everyday which is pretty stressful, and he was super reluctant to have a day off for me today. He doesn’t want to take another day off tomorrow but I just don’t know how I’m going to manage when the pain is so severe I can’t take a proper breath.

Am I just being a bit of a princess? :( I don’t want to make DH feel like crap and I don’t really want him to be stressed, but how do I manage on my own?

He is being a bit out of order (I am a husband by the way). It doesn’t matter that you got the all clear officially, you obviously are still feeling very rough. He should be encouraging you to rest, at the very least on the sofa, if not in bed.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General health
TwilightSkies · 30/10/2023 18:53

You don’t want him to feel stressed. If only if he felt the same way about you!
When you are in a partnership you have to pick up the slack when your partner is ill. That’s how it should work. Without being pathetic or angry about it.

HangingOver · 30/10/2023 18:55

DP is wonderful when I'm sick. He knows I like to be left alone so he just brings me things and hugs me and leaves me to it. Sorry you're feeling so lousy!

SoCalLiving · 30/10/2023 19:01

Gets kind of angry tbh. He has health anxiety and is terrified of getting sick so doesn't want to be around at all, which is a problem because sometimes when you're feeling rundown all you want is a hug which he absolutely would not do.

221BBakerSt · 30/10/2023 19:13

My exH was terrible, resented having to be hands-on with house/kids/food/cleaning/basic adulting. It really showed me who he was, he even slept through me having life-saving surgery!
My DP on the other hand, gentle but firmly takes over the running of everything practically and also emotionally supports me however I need. He also doesn’t rush me to be “recovered” quickly. He behaves to me exactly how I behave to him, with love and decency.

Surroundedbyfools · 30/10/2023 19:32

Mines hopeless.

he just doesn’t know what to do or say so generally appears to just ignore it, 3 days post c section I was putting washings on and hauling my toddler around n general household chores. Had it been the other way round im sure he would still be in his bed acting the dying swan ! He says our boys are mollycoddled I think he forgets he is too !

Specialcovidname · 30/10/2023 19:37

Off at a tangent but have they considered pleursy? DH had it after COVID and was the worst pain he'd ever had. I thought it was gall bladder as it seemed to start in his side. As it got worse he couldn't take a breathe. He actually passed out from the pain and was taken into hospital in an ambulance. The hospital gave him morphine - no other painkiller touched it.

The good news is (if it is that) once he was on the right medication he was a lot better within a couple of days

riotlady · 30/10/2023 20:02

My husband is nice to me when I’m ill? Feels like that should be a basic standard but apparently not? I had long covid so was quite unwell for 2 years and he picked up a huge amount of slack, looked after me and was never resentful about it. Even now he tries to run around after me and I have to remind him I can manage!

MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 20:05

My DH is, and has always been, absolutely the best. The only problem is sometimes when I'm poorly he fusses a bit much, but it comes from a good place.

Pixiedust1234 · 30/10/2023 20:09

Mine doesn't bring me food or a glass of water. Didn't even change my bed or wash my pjs when I was bedbound for several months.

We are in the process of divorce. Lazy, selfish bleep.

CockFoster · 30/10/2023 20:12

I had Covid really badly recently and DP was really horrible actually - impatient, moody, quite nasty.

We had a couple of days where we were both unwell but even after he was on the mend, he was vile.

It surprised me because he's usually kind when I have terrible periods. And it made me really sad which made me a but teary which made him really frustrated with me.

It made me feel quite nervous aging and/or getting poorly TBH

LizzieSiddal · 30/10/2023 20:14

Have they ruled out an ectopic pregnancy?

I think the fact you’re on morphine and in pain should rule you out of making his bloody tea!

User478 · 30/10/2023 20:16

Mine comes down with whatever I have. (But obviously worse because man-flu)
I broke my ankle and he developed a limp.

BlastedPimples · 30/10/2023 20:17

My ex was ok. But I knew that whenever I was ill, he would be ill too a couple of days after I had recovered. Like I owed him some tlc

IncomingTraffic · 30/10/2023 20:21

STBXH was outright nasty if I was ill. He would engineer reasons to have a big fight with me and go out of his way to make things harder for me. Useless would have actually been an improvement.

I hope you feel better tomorrow - don’t feel bad about telling your DH if you can’t look after the kids.

PuttingDownRoots · 30/10/2023 20:43

I suffer from migraine ls so DH is used to me being ill. He's always been sympathetic, helped with my cravings afterwards, taken over childcare etc. I had one today but he's at work, he checked in to make sure I had managed DDs dinner (he would have ordered them a takeaway as a last resort but I had managed a trip to the shop 5 mins away).

But... he never sees stuff in the house that might need doing beyond dishes. He wouldn't think to check there was clean uniforms for example, or run the hoover round.

NaughtyBoyGeorgeMichaelJacksonBrown · 30/10/2023 21:01

XH was great - nursed me through broken bones, night shift fatigue and pregnancy/birth with zero complaints.

XP - I was writhing with abdominal pain, telling him I though something was wrong. He actually patted me on the head and said 'oh dear, get well soon' and left for a night out with his friends. He'd sulk if he didn't get a care package for a sniffle. Still embarrassed I stayed so long.

Hope you feel better OP - is there some follow up? They can't just send you off with morphine and no answers.

PercivalWolfrick2000 · 30/10/2023 21:08

Mines an absolute darling. I don’t have to ask he just takes over and brings me what I need. Tbh we are pretty 50/50 on everything household/childcare anyway. When i was pregnant I was constantly throwing up all day everyday for 5 months pretty much and still had to work and he came home from 13/14 hour days and still did the dinner etc no complaints.

Your DH sounds mean should be worried about your abdominal pain! Tell him to bloody help you out! He’d expect it of you! Hope you feel better soon

SkyFullofStars1975 · 30/10/2023 21:17

Ignore him completely. Tell him firmly that you're not able to help, he's in charge and you'll let him know the moment you are well enough to step back in.
Then go to bed and ignore him.

DH is fucking useless, so I'm the same back now when he's ill. He's slowly learning after 30 years that you get what you give Hmm

jlpth · 30/10/2023 21:20

What a psycho. Either that or just really thick.

just because it isn’t gallbladder pain, it doesn’t mean you are fine. You have pain that’s so severe that it needs morphine!

in your position, I would call my mum and have her come and look after me tomorrow. Or anyone who isn’t a half witted twat like your husband really.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/10/2023 21:23

Pretty brilliant, with the only real criticisms being that a) it's a good idea to keep mealtimes to normal even if they are small snacks, rather than only remembering at 10pm, b) a bag of Haribo is not a suitable alternative for a meal, even though a cold bottle of Lucozade Original is very much appreciated and c) just because I'm ill doesn't mean you're not allowed to run the washing machine or dishwasher; if it bothered me for you to ensure that I had clean socks for the week and could have a clean mug for my next cuppa, I'd let you know.

sungsam60 · 30/10/2023 21:24

I can't fault my dh. We take care of each other when we are sick. He's very very caring. But to be fair we've never had a relationship where everything like childcare, meals, housework is just my responsibility. We are a team and everything has always been a joint effort. So him taking over while I recover isn't an effort to him. It Comes naturally.

sungsam60 · 30/10/2023 21:25

Btw hope you're feeling better soon x