Potentially stopping doing voluntary work

[allaloneandlost]

Backstory - Very quiet and introverted. No family. Difficult childhood. Zero community where I live. Made redundant after about 20 years in a nice workplace. During pandemic voluntary work closed. Friends and colleagues retreated into themselves and I stopped eventually when it became one-sided.

Started again using every bit of courage. Been doing some courses and got another job. Get on with them, nice people and made efforts but no friendship. Situational.

I wanted to volunteer for a certain charity for over 30 years in memory of the one lovely relative I had. I was too young to help them but wanted to help others. Every time I enquired there were no vacancies but then there were.

Started properly a year ago after months of training, chasing various people including Head Office for nearly a year for a DBS (all clear) and having six months probation. Very few people get that far.

Problem is it's a toxic antisocial environment. The trainer gave no real support or feedback. Hard from another volunteer I'd been successful!

Few pleasant enough people but 95% have been there years having agendas, are competitive, unapproachable, do hardly anything, cliquey and just turn up to gossip about each other. I'm there to help and don't get involved in that and just kept my head down more and more after being snubbed as a newcomer. I was horrified and am clearly naïve that a charity could be like this when you'd think they'd be kind, whatever their reason for being there. People are leaving and retiring so they need new volunteers who are made to feel unwelcome.

Too many chiefs yet no structure, pass the buck and ignore. The role is tough and that doesn't bother me but the lack of support and camaraderie does when you're dealing with things that can be distressing. You're totally on your own. I've had a few difficult situations and have be. If you reach out you get shut down.

I stopped going as it became too difficult and again, didn't know who to talk to and nobody's interested anyway. Two months later somebody emailed asking if there was anything they could do and they were looking forward to having me back. Very friendly email but I don't know them.

Emailed the director for a two month break which is ending shortly. I really wanted to do this but don't feel able to in this environment. I just feel like resigning but am really upset and feel very guilty when there's so many that need help yet, oh the irony!

No wonder there's a volunteer shortage and it's maddening when I have the resources. Could volunteer other places but after this and having been turned down a few times in the past I won't bother anymore. Better off sitting in front of the TV after work. Sad and lonely but at least you know where you stand and don't get messed about.

Sorry for essay but needed a vent and nobody to talk to. Hope nobody else has experienced but experience says different

God that was a very long read.

Just tell them you're not volunteering anymore and do something else that you actually enjoy.

They managed before you joined and they'll manage when you leave.

Just venting after a year of feeling like this.

Yes, they clearly don't care about anything but that what's so upsetting.

It's not a great way to treat people that's for sure but I wouldn't have expected more from people just because they're volunteers.

They're the same as everyone else and everyone volunteers for their own benefit, just as they work for their own benefit.

You might find joining a club/doing a hobby would fill your evenings better.

I'll leave and keep myself to myself from now on. Works for everybody else.

I think charities are lucky to have someone so willing and dedicated to help them. If they don't appreciate you, there will be other places that do. I hope you find your niche and done nicer people soon

Thanks for being so kind Ladybird

Probably best if this is how you really feel, although I'd be inclined to try somewhere else but we're all different.

I used to work for a charity and we had a dedicated department to communicate with volunteers, support them, help with training and development etc. Are you sure there is nothing like that at the charity you volunteered for? Sometimes the paid employees can 'forget' to accurately inform volunteers what support is available. I believe any large charity would (or should!) be dismayed to hear of a volunteer being treated so dismissively.

It's horrible to be made to feel this way when you are volunteering your time and skills for free. I felt I was being taken advantage of and after much deliberation, I decided to leave, you don't deserve to be made to feel rubbish, there's plenty out there who will appreciate you.

This!

I volunteer in a foodbank and it's a brilliant atmosphere and everyone is valued. Don't give up, just find something else that sparks a passion in you.

@MrsPinkSky After making various enquiries and getting no replies or "no thanks" I'm out. Then people wonder why they don't get help/volunteers.

@Ragwort Thanks a lot. Will take another look into that, no harm anyway!

Oh dear, nobody needs that amount of stress in their life. I’d resign and maybe send them an informative email about your reasons why - not accusatory in any way, just factual. Those in charge may not realise what the toxic atmosphere is like and if they really want/need volunteers in future, they may appreciate knowing. And if they don’t, no skin off your nose. It sounds like it’s a big charity if you went through all that rigmarole to join, I bet there’s a lot of smaller local charities, who will be friendlier, crying out for help.

@Thejackrussellsrule I'm so sorry. It's such an undertaking and it's not even wanting appreciation or anything sometimes eh? Just a bit of support in a pleasant atmosphere!

@LadyBird1973 Thanks for volunteering and so glad it's positive, as it should be! Tried at a foodbank, Silverline and applied to be a magistrate but got turned down!

It's fine to be out, no-one has to volunteer.

It brings a lot to my life but if it didn't, I wouldn't bother either.

@Judashascomeintosomemoney Correct and thanks for advice, will do. It is a national charity. It's also a shame they wasted all that time and money training people just to leave which could have been better spent.

@MrsPinkSky Completely fair comment.

You volunteered with the very best of intentions. I'm so sorry it hasn't been nice for you. In my previous job I supported just over 120 volunteers across 50 locations and in all honesty would only have wanted to volunteer in a handful of those places myself because of one reason or another. However, each and every volunteer was valued by the charity I worked for and I would have done anything possible to support them.

It can be hard to find the right support in a big organisation but it sounds like the person who reached out to you might be able to offer some support.

If you want to move on, then of course you should but do try not to shut the world out just yet. Volunteering may not be a panacea but there is good to be done and good to be had.

Perhaps consider other things that are important to you and explore those? I hold a volunteer role now that I've been trying to get someone else to take over for two years now and can't .

our local council run a volunteer fair Every year. Maybe see if yours does similar.

I'd resign.

I work for a volunteer organisation. If you aren't happy then there is no problem/ guilt in leaving. If you do want to tell them why then as per pp be factual and not too emotional.

Ours is quite big and multifaceted but I would imagine those involving shops are a bit cliquey with an unbreakable structure of how things must be done.

Volunteer retention is a big issue and is something that's not terribly well recognised/managed across the sector.

You maybe just haven't found your tribe yet. Our town has a volunteer bank. That do things varied and fruitful - from running repair pop ups to weed clearing in cycle paths. So you sort of do what makes you happy, and it's not too formal and you give as much time as you want.

You can stop reading at any time and not waste your time further by commenting. Nobody would have missed this snippy, unfeeling reply!

I've done a number of voluntary roles over the years and although none of them have been toxic I have felt that volunteers often aren't given the consideration they deserve.
Communication, or lack of, has been a common factor. In one role I would sometimes turn up at my allotted hour to find that there was something happening which meant I couldn't do my role and noone had bothered to tell me. When the role stopped due to Covid I saw it as a good time pull away and I never went back even though I have heard hints that I would be needed.
Another role was an ad hoc role to help at specific events. I'd be asked if I could help at a specific event months in advance, confirm my availability but then hear nothing until 2 days before. This seemed to be standard with all the volunteers who were left wondering if they were still needed. They were lucky that any volunteers turned up on the day with such little notice. I did express my disappointment about this treatment of volunteers to someone high up in the organisation and I know that communication with volunteers was subsequently discussed with the staff.

If the voluntary role doesn't work for you OP then pack it in. It's the organisation's problem for not looking after you properly.

I don't think that's snippy or unfeeling.

The OP should do what makes her happy without any kind of guilt. The charity will be fine whatever she chooses to do.

If they struggle for volunteers that's their own fault for treating them badly.

I'm sorry you have had such a horrible experience, but it's worth trying other charities, they are not all like this. I volunteer for an animal charity and everyone is lovely.

Thanks a lot for the kind replies and to all who volunteer. It's so valued by some at least and yet seems so thankless at times which is a shame.

Good advice to email in a factual way. I will stick to the facts but am just venting here because to me it is emotive. Said family member took their own life when very young. I found them as a very young child. It wasn't a nice family and they were introverted so had nobody to talk to. I couldn't save them as I was too small but vowed to try and help anybody else in that situation. I feel so guilty for not being there even though there are reasons as above thread.

Thanks for the suggestions. It's sad in a way so much volunteering's needed but it is. Communication is a problem across the board by the sounds. People are confused and it's too much when volunteers themselves have lives.

So glad for those who have found acceptance and kindness with volunteering. Even if people have no personal interest, but just want a bit of company or something to do a bit of kindness goes a long way.

Talking to a retired gentleman before the pandemic, he mentioned volunteering at a lunchtime soup kitchen run by a church. He joined after his wife died and not knowing anybody after moving here. He found it fun and loved being surrounded by young people who loved learning cooking from him. Lovely chap.

I work during the week so that's out but nice to hear others positive experiences!

Perhaps a bit of kindness eh