Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Are you the star of the show?

125 replies

cheesybutter · 30/10/2023 14:27

I was talking to a colleague this weekend (works night out) and she made a comment about how she was the star of the the show. I said "well we're all the star of our own lives" and she said no that out of everyone in her life, her family, friends and colleagues she sees herself as the main player and that everyone else was just a bit part to her staring role and that everything revolved around her, everyone wanted her time and company because she's the star of their lives as well as her own!

She is a single, mid 40's women with no kids, she has a very active social life and in my experience a caring person who does a lot of people but can be a bit of diva but I was shocked that she literally thinks that she is the star not only of her own life but of everybody else's life!

She wasn't even tipsy because she was driving so it wasn't drink talking. In one way I admire her confidence but I also find it kind of bizarre, I don't know perhaps lots of people go about thinking that? I can be preoccupied with my own life and stuff like anyone else but I don't imagine anyone but my nearest and dearest think about me too much at all!

OP posts:
SunlightOverBamburgh · 30/10/2023 22:02

I do think it's more helpful to use the phrase self centeredness as true narcissism is a serious mental illness affecting a very few. If this lady in the OP is functioning very well socially I would say maybe she is self interested rather than a narc, because true N PD is like other PDs, and has a marked affect on how they function and is linked to fears of abandonment or deep insecurity.

easylikeasundaymorn · 30/10/2023 22:03

Angrymum22 · 30/10/2023 20:53

[daliesque] I know it sounds awful but I’m nearly 60 and lived a bit. I just don’t think that they have ever had to consider anyone else’s needs and wants.
In my life I was the centre of my universe until I was 40 and I’m sure I was nauseatingly self important but after DS was born everything changed.
I have one sister who has children and one that doesn’t. It’s fairly obvious which one is which when you meet them. My adult nieces and DS19 have a special secret eye roll for when Aunty is doing her thing.
As I said I’m trying not to be mean but it’s just how it is.
It’s impossible to describe how your whole being changes when you have children. I don’t think it’s obvious at the start. It’s only when you look back and remember all the things you do to make the best life for your children. The times when you go without to make sure they have what they need.
I remember my DF trying to get my DM to spend money on herself when we were no longer financially dependent on them. She had spent years burning the midnight oil making ours and her clothes to save money. Going out to work solely to put us all through Uni. She really struggled to waste money on herself.

Just because you were a selfish twat before you spawned (and tbh even if you no longer consider yourself selfish you're really not coming across as a nice person) doesn't mean everyone else is/was.

It's fine to say once you have kids you start prioritising yourself over them and perhaps don't understand the extent to which this becomes automatic before you experience that particular relationship. It's completely ridiculous to say that means that anybody without kids can't possibly think of others at all, let alone before you started bringing partners, dogs and cats into the equation.

If anything, mothers who prioritise their children are still being selfish, because you know that your kids being well and happy will have a knock on effect on your own wellbeing.

Whereas people who 'consider others needs and wants', whether that be a social worker looking after abused kids, a nurse caring for patients, childfree woman caring for elderly parents, etc. are doing so without any automatic benefit to themselves, and therefore are surely much less selfish/more altruistic?

Iwantthistobemyyear · 30/10/2023 22:19

I'm the person who sweeps the stage floor when the actors go backstage, in the show of my life...

itwasdifferentinthe90s · 31/10/2023 03:13

@Angrymum22 god you sound utterly,utterly ghastly as so the eye rolling children
Perhaps amongst all that martyrdom and judgemental behaviour you forget to teach some manners

SoRainbowRhythms · 31/10/2023 11:17

Angrymum22 · 30/10/2023 17:01

In my experience most single, childless women are the centre of their own universe. They have no one else to think about. I don’t mean it in a mean way, but those of us with DH,DC, a dog, a cat, etc. always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting. Although, I do know a few women who despite having all the above are still the centre of their own universe. It’s known as narcissism.

Judgemental much?

Angry Mum indeed.

daliesque · 31/10/2023 17:32

cheesybutter · 30/10/2023 21:04

@Angrymum22 While some childfree women are like this, there are also plenty of mums who behave like they are the main attraction and that all has to revolve around them and they even use their kids to get attention for themselves. There are also plenty of childfree women who are very humble and don't seek any attention. Its personality type, not whether they have kids or not. I know I mentioned her personal circumstances in my OP but it wasn't my intention to equate her egomania to her childfree status, I think it would be quite awful to do so.

But unfortunately you did mention it. Then went on to twist the knife a little bit more with your tale about your two sisters.

The thing is, we all know people like this and some have children and some don't. Hell, every MIL thread on here has one.

So while you may not have meant to be offensive, I'm afraid you were. You might not be aware of this, but many childfree/childless women on here have endured a weekend of attacks and insults by a small, but vocal group of mothers. So forgive me if I then find your clumsy wording and then your patronising "you don't understand until you have kids" tone patronising and rude.

CleverLilViper · 31/10/2023 17:39

Angrymum22 · 30/10/2023 17:01

In my experience most single, childless women are the centre of their own universe. They have no one else to think about. I don’t mean it in a mean way, but those of us with DH,DC, a dog, a cat, etc. always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting. Although, I do know a few women who despite having all the above are still the centre of their own universe. It’s known as narcissism.

Oh, just do one with that utter twaddle you pulled from your arse.

Screamingabdabz · 31/10/2023 17:45

I know a few women like that. They’re narcissists. But they’re so full of the
selves and arrogant nobody can ever be arsed to disavow them of the belief that they’re not the centre of the universe. I avoid them like a shooting star going in the opposite direction.

User0000009 · 31/10/2023 17:47

I’d give her and her ego a swerve x

Original poster
cheesybutter · 31/10/2023 17:59

daliesque · 31/10/2023 17:32

But unfortunately you did mention it. Then went on to twist the knife a little bit more with your tale about your two sisters.

The thing is, we all know people like this and some have children and some don't. Hell, every MIL thread on here has one.

So while you may not have meant to be offensive, I'm afraid you were. You might not be aware of this, but many childfree/childless women on here have endured a weekend of attacks and insults by a small, but vocal group of mothers. So forgive me if I then find your clumsy wording and then your patronising "you don't understand until you have kids" tone patronising and rude.

Show quote history

I think you must be confused daliesque I didn't mention my sisters, I don't have any! I am also childfree myself, I think you meant to direct that at @Angrymum22

OP posts:
TedMullins · 31/10/2023 18:06

Angrymum22 · 30/10/2023 17:01

In my experience most single, childless women are the centre of their own universe. They have no one else to think about. I don’t mean it in a mean way, but those of us with DH,DC, a dog, a cat, etc. always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting. Although, I do know a few women who despite having all the above are still the centre of their own universe. It’s known as narcissism.

I have dogs and a partner but I very much come first. I know I’m selfish but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. It doesn’t hurt anyone else, I enjoy doing what I want, when I want, and I wish more women would get out of the mindset that selfishness is always bad. Of course I ensure my dogs are always cared for before anyone jumps on that. They’re probably the only life forms I’d make sacrifices for.

Your colleague, however, is hilariously deluded. I’m the star of my own life but I’ve never thought I’m anything but a supporting character to other people. I don’t think anyone really thinks of another person as the ‘main player’!

Utterlyexhausted · 31/10/2023 18:09

Thank for this narc is single & childless 🙄

Utterlyexhausted · 31/10/2023 18:10

*thank god!

daliesque · 31/10/2023 18:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn.

daliesque · 31/10/2023 18:50

@cheesybutter and again got the wrong person...sorry sorry sorry. I've reported my last post 🙈

EmpressaurusOfCats · 31/10/2023 19:01

Angrymum22 · 30/10/2023 17:01

In my experience most single, childless women are the centre of their own universe. They have no one else to think about. I don’t mean it in a mean way, but those of us with DH,DC, a dog, a cat, etc. always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting. Although, I do know a few women who despite having all the above are still the centre of their own universe. It’s known as narcissism.

All women with partners / kids are selfless angels, minus a few exceptions, and all single women without kids are narcissists? Really?

Citrusandginger · 31/10/2023 19:21

Does this person have any long term friends I wonder? The people I've met who behave like this seem to have a revolving door of "best" friends. It doesn't matter how much the gush about how wonderful their life is, sadly, I don't believe them.

And don't get me started on performance caring.

Original poster
cheesybutter · 31/10/2023 21:25

@daliesque Ah no problem, and yeah that poster was outrageous!

OP posts:
Angrymum22 · 01/11/2023 01:56

EmpressaurusOfCats · 31/10/2023 19:01

All women with partners / kids are selfless angels, minus a few exceptions, and all single women without kids are narcissists? Really?

Edited
Show quote history

If you read my post carefully I was saying that single women with no children are naturally the centre of their own world ( not narcissists) whereas women who have children and everything else, but are still the centre of their own world are likely to be narcissists. I have a MIL who fits this description and know only too well how wonderfully wonderful she considers herself. She went to a Royal garden party, only because FIL was an ex Grenadier Guard. The way she described it you’d have thought that the Queen had heard he was married to this amazing women and just had to meet her. I don’t think she came within 200yds of HRM, fortunately.

Angrymum22 · 01/11/2023 02:19

I would humbly like to apologise for any offence I may have caused, when I joined, it was a bloody site for mums. Yes some of the topics were interesting but for most of us it was an opportunity to chat, moan and generally interact with other women who had temporarily lost themselves in motherhood. Often in the middle of the night or during a long day when you had little social interaction with normal adults.
Yes we are all jealous that we are no longer single and child free. But someone’s got to do it

Catsmere · 01/11/2023 02:30

Angrymum22 · 30/10/2023 17:01

In my experience most single, childless women are the centre of their own universe. They have no one else to think about. I don’t mean it in a mean way, but those of us with DH,DC, a dog, a cat, etc. always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting. Although, I do know a few women who despite having all the above are still the centre of their own universe. It’s known as narcissism.

What on earth makes you equate "single and childless" with having no family, be that human or animal? Aren't you getting your tropes mixed up? I thought we were all supposed to be crazy cat ladies aka witches.

I'd say more but I am busy making lunch for my 90yo mother, for whom I am sole carer, and ordering medication for my two cats.

Oh and MN has been about far more than parenting for many years. There's even - gasp! - a childfree section. But I suspect you knew that.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 01/11/2023 02:41

Angrymum22 · 30/10/2023 17:01

In my experience most single, childless women are the centre of their own universe. They have no one else to think about. I don’t mean it in a mean way, but those of us with DH,DC, a dog, a cat, etc. always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting. Although, I do know a few women who despite having all the above are still the centre of their own universe. It’s known as narcissism.

There is a big difference between being the centre of your own universe, and being the star of everyone else's life.

I really can't believe anyone could think so highly of themselves.

Coshofliving · 01/11/2023 03:05

Isn't this the kind of shit that tiktokkers say? I didn't realise people did it in real life too. Mad.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 01/11/2023 03:09

I would ask if the friends just sit at home and do nothing when she isn’t around.

therealcookiemonster · 01/11/2023 03:24

was she joking around? I often say things like this but even more outrageous just to get a laugh out of people. could that not have been it?