Page 3 | Are you the star of the show?

cheesybutter · 2023-10-30T14:27:29+00:00

I was talking to a colleague this weekend (works night out) and she made a comment about how she was the star of the the show. I said "well we're all the star of our own lives" and she said no that out of everyone in her life, her family, friends and colleagues she sees herself as the main player and that everyone else was just a bit part to her staring role and that everything revolved around her, everyone wanted her time and company because she's the star of their lives as well as her own! She is a single, mid 40's women with no kids, she has a very active social life and in my experience a caring person who does a lot of people but can be a bit of diva but I was shocked that she literally thinks that she is the star not only of her own life but of everybody else's life! She wasn't even tipsy because she was driving so it wasn't drink talking. In one way I admire her confidence but I also find it kind of bizarre, I don't know perhaps lots of people go about thinking that? I can be preoccupied with my own life and stuff like anyone else but I don't imagine anyone but my nearest and dearest think about me too much at all!

RicherThanYews · 30/10/2023 18:49

I think sadly there are many people like your friend who think that they are utterly fascinating when in truth, they actually lack the depth and strength of character to be anyone of real impact upon the world.

35965a · 30/10/2023 18:51

I would be steering well clear of her. If she genuinely believes that she has something wrong with her.

Moreempatheticmyarse · 30/10/2023 18:52

Angrymum22 · 30/10/2023 17:01

In my experience most single, childless women are the centre of their own universe. They have no one else to think about. I don’t mean it in a mean way, but those of us with DH,DC, a dog, a cat, etc. always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting. Although, I do know a few women who despite having all the above are still the centre of their own universe. It’s known as narcissism.

In a post which labels the majority of single childless women (not men of course just women) as narcissistic and parents as all being selfless hero's I know who sounds narcissistic....

Also out of interest who banned single childless women from having dogs, cat, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, cousins etc? Has a memo gone out that they no longer have anyone to think about? I wonder whether the 50% of teaching staff who don't have children know they are a load of raging narcissists who don't have anyone else to think of...

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 30/10/2023 18:57

Doormatnomore · 30/10/2023 16:49

I think it’s lovely to hear someone actually say it out loud. Cause I’ve often thought (or said) someone just thinks I stand in the cupboard till they’re ready for me.

I can’t imagine having the confidence to think I was the star of the show.

I know what you mean. I came to the horrific realisation not so long ago that I'm basically a supporting character in my own life.

Simonjt · 30/10/2023 18:57

No, unless its an actual shit show.

SplendidUtterly · 30/10/2023 18:57

There was a thread on here not very long ago about how most families have a "main character" or ar least someone who thinks they are anyway. This post reminded me of that 😂

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/10/2023 18:59

ColinFuckingRobinson · 30/10/2023 18:20

That's the kind of thing my aunt says when she's having a (now rare) manic episode. She cringes with excruciating embarrassment once it's over.

Yes, there is a level of grandiosity and a lack of social insight that would be characteristic of someone edging towards a manic episode.

CesareBorgia · 30/10/2023 19:00

Good for her for having the courage to say this.

It's nothing to do with her status as single and childfree - some people just do have charisma and the ability to attract others around them.

Wish I knew her secret!

Szara · 30/10/2023 19:00

I'm an extra in my own life and often wish I'd get it over with and vanish completely. Exit stage left.

I'm not sure if I'm alarmed by your friend or in admiration of her!

RantyAnty · 30/10/2023 19:05

cheesybutter · 30/10/2023 14:55

@ohyesohyesoh I did laugh and didn't argue with her as she is a nice person really but yeah I cannot get over her actually thinking that!

Sounds like she's nice and helpful when she has an audience.

easylikeasundaymorn · 30/10/2023 19:07

Angrymum22 · 30/10/2023 17:01

In my experience most single, childless women are the centre of their own universe. They have no one else to think about. I don’t mean it in a mean way, but those of us with DH,DC, a dog, a cat, etc. always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting. Although, I do know a few women who despite having all the above are still the centre of their own universe. It’s known as narcissism.

what about single, childless men? Does the same apply or are they a beacon of altruism?

How on earth is 'they have no one else to think about' not meant in a mean way! Single women can have pets, family members, friends, people they care for in a work or voluntary capacity, etc...all of whom they can prioritise above their own needs.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 30/10/2023 19:12

Sadly, just because she was driving doesn't necessarily mean she 100% wasn't drinking or taking other substances.
The woman I know who has form for this is also a "star of the show" type character and had to get rid of her car in the end as she kept driving after having white wine.. and probably something else up her nose 🙄

FettleOfKish · 30/10/2023 19:15

Oh wow! I know at least a couple of people who give off strong Main Character Energy but I don't even think they'd have the balls to say out loud that that's what they think.

I don't know whether to be impressed by your colleague or horrified OP!

MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 19:44

@SmartiesAndFlakes

I have met many child free people who are not narcissistic in any way, and conversely many mothers who think they and their children are the most important people on the planet. Some of them quite insufferable.

Me too. Even worse are the people who think their dog is the most important person on the planet.

MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 19:46

Szara · 30/10/2023 19:00

I'm an extra in my own life and often wish I'd get it over with and vanish completely. Exit stage left.

I'm not sure if I'm alarmed by your friend or in admiration of her!

I'm scriptwriter, director, choreographer, scenery painter, and leading lady, but I hope I'm not a prima donna.

Moreempatheticmyarse · 30/10/2023 19:49

MajorBarbara · 30/10/2023 19:44

@SmartiesAndFlakes

I have met many child free people who are not narcissistic in any way, and conversely many mothers who think they and their children are the most important people on the planet. Some of them quite insufferable.

Me too. Even worse are the people who think their dog is the most important person on the planet.

They are clearly wrong too. Everybody knows cats are the most important things on the planet. Especially cats. They definitely know this and are clearly the main character in every story

ElaineMBenes · 30/10/2023 19:59

I know someone like this. Gets mightily pissed off if someone else becomes the star of the show!

SeaPool · 30/10/2023 20:05

Even worse are the people who think their dog is the most important person on the planet.

For many people who live alone, especially the elderly, their dog is perhaps the most important character in their life and provides them with a loved companion and a purpose.

There's no star in my show. I see my life as an ensemble piece.

daliesque · 30/10/2023 20:06

Angrymum22 · 30/10/2023 17:01

In my experience most single, childless women are the centre of their own universe. They have no one else to think about. I don’t mean it in a mean way, but those of us with DH,DC, a dog, a cat, etc. always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting. Although, I do know a few women who despite having all the above are still the centre of their own universe. It’s known as narcissism.

You might not have meant it in a mean way, but by god that's how it reads.

daliesque · 30/10/2023 20:11

Even worse are the people who think their dog is the most important person on the planet.

I'm a dog owner and I certainly don't think that.

My dog, however.... 🤣

Angrymum22 · 30/10/2023 20:53

[daliesque] I know it sounds awful but I’m nearly 60 and lived a bit. I just don’t think that they have ever had to consider anyone else’s needs and wants.
In my life I was the centre of my universe until I was 40 and I’m sure I was nauseatingly self important but after DS was born everything changed.
I have one sister who has children and one that doesn’t. It’s fairly obvious which one is which when you meet them. My adult nieces and DS19 have a special secret eye roll for when Aunty is doing her thing.
As I said I’m trying not to be mean but it’s just how it is.
It’s impossible to describe how your whole being changes when you have children. I don’t think it’s obvious at the start. It’s only when you look back and remember all the things you do to make the best life for your children. The times when you go without to make sure they have what they need.
I remember my DF trying to get my DM to spend money on herself when we were no longer financially dependent on them. She had spent years burning the midnight oil making ours and her clothes to save money. Going out to work solely to put us all through Uni. She really struggled to waste money on herself.

LoobyDop · 30/10/2023 20:59

Sounds as though martyrdom is pretty important to you, but some people- some women, even- want more out of life.

Original poster

cheesybutter · 30/10/2023 21:04

@Angrymum22 While some childfree women are like this, there are also plenty of mums who behave like they are the main attraction and that all has to revolve around them and they even use their kids to get attention for themselves. There are also plenty of childfree women who are very humble and don't seek any attention. Its personality type, not whether they have kids or not. I know I mentioned her personal circumstances in my OP but it wasn't my intention to equate her egomania to her childfree status, I think it would be quite awful to do so.

OP posts:

mewkins · 30/10/2023 21:13

I don't think of my life as any sort of 'show'. It sounds like she has a kind of Carrie Bradshaw internal monologue. Odd and even odder to say it out loud to someone. I went out with someone who would say stuff like this (and also try to rope me in eg. 'Everyone is looking at us and wants to be us' - a very odd person). I would steer clear.

Moreempatheticmyarse · 30/10/2023 21:28

Angrymum22 · 30/10/2023 20:53

[daliesque] I know it sounds awful but I’m nearly 60 and lived a bit. I just don’t think that they have ever had to consider anyone else’s needs and wants.
In my life I was the centre of my universe until I was 40 and I’m sure I was nauseatingly self important but after DS was born everything changed.
I have one sister who has children and one that doesn’t. It’s fairly obvious which one is which when you meet them. My adult nieces and DS19 have a special secret eye roll for when Aunty is doing her thing.
As I said I’m trying not to be mean but it’s just how it is.
It’s impossible to describe how your whole being changes when you have children. I don’t think it’s obvious at the start. It’s only when you look back and remember all the things you do to make the best life for your children. The times when you go without to make sure they have what they need.
I remember my DF trying to get my DM to spend money on herself when we were no longer financially dependent on them. She had spent years burning the midnight oil making ours and her clothes to save money. Going out to work solely to put us all through Uni. She really struggled to waste money on herself.

I know it sounds awful

It does

I’m nearly 60 and lived a bit.

That doesn't make it any less awful. What about single childfree women who are 60 and have lived a bit, does that make them less selfish or is it only married parents who gain life experience?

In my life I was the centre of my universe until I was 40 and I’m sure I was nauseatingly self important

Fancy that

I have one sister who has children and one that doesn’t. It’s fairly obvious which one is which when you meet them

It's also fairly obvious from your posts which sister you like and which you dislike

My adult nieces and DS19 have a special secret eye roll for when Aunty is doing her thing.

I hope those adult nieces have children and/or partners. Otherwise they must be selfish women only looking out for themselves. Maybe that's why they are so rude about other family members.

As I said I’m trying not to be mean but it’s just how it is.

You are still managing to be mean. You have decided on the strength of you being selfish before you had a child, and on the behaviour of your sister who you don't seem to like very much that this is how all single childfree women act. That's quite narrow minded. Can you honestly not look outside your own life experience (you have so much of it apparently) and see that all people who happen to be single and not have children can't possibly all be one particular way.

I find it baffling that it's so often single childfree women singled out as the selfish section of society. Meanwhile we have whole hosts of men fathering children, abandoning them, doing none of the parenting and wriggling out of their financial obligations towards them and yet somehow its the single childfree women who are incapable of thinking of anyone other than themselves.