Tell me something I should already know

[Mumwithqs]

So I imagine this is a relatively normal way for some people to feel, but I'm 7 months pregnant (very happily) and feel as though I don't actually know how to look after a baby.

The general advice seems to be that it'll all just come to me naturally but I'm the type of person who plans everything and hate going into things feeling like to don't know what I'm doing. I will panic if I don't know what/why my baby is doing something.

What's your top piece of advice? Especially re- sleeping, (bottle) feeding, bathing etc

So it's not really advice or a tip but the witching hour, in the first few weeks can be a bit tough. Generally crying/being unsettled for a few hours in the afternoon and evening - the baby that is (although possibly mum too 😂). It WILL settle down so hold onto that thought.

Oh and if baby is having one of those moments when all the obvious things aren't soothing them and they keep crying then just take them outside for a bit. I think the fresh air sort of resets them. Used to march my baby girl around our shared garden, the neighbours probably thought I'd lost my shit.

Perfect Prep machine.Godsend at 2am and pretty much anytime tbh

I wish I'd read this 9yrs ago!

No baby ever died of crying. A health visitor told me that when I brought my first home.

@DrRuthGalloway great post.

Re Co sleeping that's an excellent point.... With my 2nd I got a proper side car cot which was amazing.
It meant I could properly relax and sleep but she was right next to me, no tricky transfers.

Wow so much great advice,thanks everyone!

So much of it seems like common sense but these little pieces of information really help me to feel prepared.

Still reading through but definitely taking on board all of the advice about not comparing to others etc. I have a tendency to always want to do everything perfectly and I know I'll need to keep reminding myself of this.

Also currently looking at slings, I've never seen anyone around me use one and they sound great!

My advice is don't try to follow all the advice!

So much of it will be contradictory anyway. Breast/bottle...cuddle to sleep/put down to sleep...honestly you could drive yourself mad. And if you think it's confusing now just wait for the onslaught of advice about weaning...

No matter how much you try to prepare, nobody is ever quite ready for the transition to parenthood so go easy on yourself. In the end if baby is fed, warm, clean and safe then you're winning. Everything else is just opinion.

Oh and a very practical point - baby boys pee when the nappy is removed. Get round this by having a pile of breast pads on the changing table and clap one over his penis as you remove the nappy. It will prevent you getting a stream of pee across your t shirt, the baby's face, his babygro and socks etc.

This is very, very wise. I'll second this post.

You are the only person who will ever experience parenting your baby. Advice is (or can be) helpful, but so is your gut instinct and feeling your way through your own journey!

If you get to the end of the day and it’s ‘all fed and none dead’ then you’re doing fine. You’ll have brilliant days when you take baby out to an art gallery, have lunch with a friend and so on and then other days. About which we all try to forget.

We used a cheap shower curtain under the change table to save the carpet getting wee on it.

And then one under the high chair when they were weaning.

Dont panic if they don’t want to wean at six months. In fact, try not to panic about anything.

Baby grows with buttons are a nightmare.

Double layer mattress protector and sheet in the cot. When they wet through their happy you can strip the top layer off and not have to remake the bed in the middle of the night.

Waterproof mattress protector on your bed if you haven’t already. You’ll be happily holding them in bed, all chilled and they’ll random pee through their nappy or throw up everywhere.

Sodium bicarbonate takes out the smell of sick when they do manage to thrown up on your carpet.

Bottles of drinks and snacks can be strategically scattered around the house so that when you are trapped under a sleeping baby you are fed and watered too. Also something to do…

I went for a walk every day. Even through the pouring rain (DS under my waterproof coat in a sling, me in wellies and waterproof trousers).

Babies have not read the baby books. I sincerely hope you get one who sleeps, eats well and poops regularly. In my experience, few babies do all three of these things to order. Mine didn't sleep, DSis’s had milk allergies etc etc.

Learn the syringe method for cleaning your baby's nose. Works much better than snot suckers.

https://youtube.com/shorts/QfsgA_cJFI0?si=s-QPz_dayqOomtO3

You'll get told what works with babies but each baby is different and has their own preferences.

In the beginning things you're doing may not work, it's not the fact that you're getting it wrong just that it takes time to get know your baby who can't talk or offer any feedback other than crying.

I've two children who are completely different. If i had just done for my second what i did for my first then it wouldn't have worked, well it didn't work. I had to get to know my second child and what their preferences were.

So try not to have a rigid list of what you'll do, because you're baby may have a completely different preference.

Enjoy the journey.

The three things that helped me:

1.) YOU know your baby best. Other people's advice worked for their baby, not yours. Your baby is new to the world and may have a very different way of responding. Trust yourself to do what makes life easiest for you and your baby rather than people-pleasing. Smile and nod and say 'I'll bear that in mind' when you get advice. It will come at you from people who don;t have children and people who forget what life was like when their own children were babies. Ignore it unless it works.

2.) Have an under-pram bag ready packed with emergency nappies, wipes, spare clothes, calpol, teething gel, muslin cloths etc. Add snacks and savlon as they get older and able to toddle. It saves hours and means that if you are out, you are always prepared. Restock it when you get in and put it back under the pram. Doing this saved me hours and meant I was always ready to leave the house quickly if I needed or wanted to.

3.) Not everyone likes these but I had a great changing mat and baby bath on a stand. It saved my back. It was a bit like this

Bottle feeding is not difficult, breastfeeding is not any easier. Why does it bother the breastfeeders so much what other people are doing with their babies?

And yet you still try and guilt the OP

Ohh just a little bit..

what's wrong with the breastfeeding nazi on here, made my first few weeks with my babies back in the early 2000s utter hell when I wanted to bottle feed, and it's still going on now..

Why are people suggesting putting the baby down to sleep? That's awful advice, your baby needs you!! For many reasons, but most importantly your baby will regulate its breathing from being close to you.

Things no-one told me before my baby was born:

when someone else's baby cries you release breast milk - get pads!

babies stick their tongue out when they are hungry

for the first few weeks their cries are really tiny and cute and you think 'this isn't so bad'. Then they find their voice!

You can't stop looking at their teeny tiny nails, their teeny tiny toes and their beautiful beautiful eyes

For a few weeks you feel gutted when someone else is holding your baby - after a few months you beam if someone asks for a hold

Within a week you have no idea what time of day it is

Fresh air is like anaesthetic to babies, and helps you clear your head. I walked and walked my baby in his pram in all weathers.

If you have a baby that sleeps TELL NO ONE EVER!!!

For trapped wind put a tiny amount (end of spoon) of brown sugar in the bottle. Thank you DM you bloody Angel.

Do not buy a Gro Egg. You have spend your life walking into a room and thinking hmm bit chilly/warm. You do not need a dictator egg telling you that. Spend the money on a pedicure.

Lego bloody hurts when you tread on it. 😂

Things don't necessarily come naturally, so don't beat yourself up if you find it really hard to start with. And that woman on the washing powder adverts wearing white clothes, with white furnishings & carpets, and babies dressed all in white... don't try to emulate that nonsense.

Sometimes baby's just cry your not doing anything wrong they can be clean/dry/fed etc etc and still just CRY all the "tiger in the tree" holds do fuck all except make you feel like you have tried 😉

Also look up tiger in the tree its surprising how comfy some baby's with colic find it

Tummy time doesn't need to be on a mat DD loved lying across my thighs she would lift her head and wave her arms around put her on the floor? Screams many many screams

Learn to change the baby on your lap baby changing rooms can be grim sometimes

Lastly don't be too quiet when baby is sleeping I have three children that im congident could sleep through heavy artillery and my friends who kept silent have light sleepers (nightmare if you want siblings)

If after everything your baby is still crying, check their toes!!!!

After you give birth, you moult worse than a dog. My ds nearly lost a toe because one of my hairs had wrapped around it and was slowly cutting off circulation. He was inconsolable until it was removed

Buy about 10 hand towels. Asda sell them really cheaply.
Put them on the changing mat before every change.

1. It stops the shock for the baby of lying on a cold mat
2. It catches any pee and absorbs it before the entire outfit is covered.

Depending on how badly the day goes 10 will definitely be enough for 1 or 3 days then wash.

Later if your baby is very drooly.
Put on their vest, a plastic backed bib, their top and then a normal bib.

When I put on the plastic backed bib on top it constantly flipped up and hit DS in the face.
If I didn't use one he would get a rash on his chest from being wet (he was extremely drooly)
Then change the normal bib every (10 seconds) time it becomes too wet.

If you can afford it or know someone who can lend you one/buy second hand. The best thing we had was the baby set for the tripp trapp high chair. It meant that DS could sit at the table with us from birth. I could eat mostly normally from day 1 which was fantastic. Or I could put him in there and have a peaceful cup of coffee.
DS is 10 and still uses the tripp trapp as his desk chair so I feel it was a good investment.
The baby set has been passed around numerous friends - many who used it for their 2nd and 3rd children (I was using it for their 1st) and they agree it made a real difference.
It's also good for having baby safe if they are awake and you need to prepare food but don't want them on the floor/bouncy chair.

I put DS in long nightgowns to sleep it made changing him in the night a lot easier with no buttons to fiddle with.

I would second learning how to use equipment like a steriliser or car seat pre baby, I was too sleep deprived afterwards to make sense of any new instructions. Actually even when DS was 2 - 3 years old I remember spending endless afternoons trying to remember how a simple happyland figure of 8 train track fitted together😟

My top advice, if you're having DC in hospital, after you've given birth, everyone wanders off. The next morning, there was much horror that I'd not changed a nappy or breastfed or bathed baby. No one told me! Baby had slept all night, I was all loved up gazing at him. The hospital were lacking.

You need to be vocal. Ask for help, advice. Ask for food because you will be starving! Have snacks, have drinks - lots of drinks. The squeaky wheel gets the oil!

I had my next DC at home. Completely different experience.

Congratulations OP and every best wishes!