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Original poster

Tell me something I should already know

115 replies

Mumwithqs · 29/10/2023 07:57

So I imagine this is a relatively normal way for some people to feel, but I'm 7 months pregnant (very happily) and feel as though I don't actually know how to look after a baby.

The general advice seems to be that it'll all just come to me naturally but I'm the type of person who plans everything and hate going into things feeling like to don't know what I'm doing. I will panic if I don't know what/why my baby is doing something.

What's your top piece of advice? Especially re- sleeping, (bottle) feeding, bathing etc

OP posts:
Poppins2016 · 29/10/2023 08:35

And put down to sleep from the very 1st day. Cuddling a sleeping baby is lovely, but you could be brewing a nightmare that could last years.

This is sound advice, if it's possible and your baby allows you! However, it does highlight that there is no one size fits all approach to parenting (and the parent that you think you'll be will not be the parent you become... a lot of parenting is shaped by the child you get). My number one piece of advice is not to feel as though you're doing something wrong if your baby doesn't do what you (or others) think they should! E.g. my first baby simply wouldn't sleep unless held, so we did a lot of contact napping (slings are great) and co-sleeping... it was just his personality. My second would allow me to put him down and was a much better sleeper on his own. I did nothing different - I put both babies down to sleep on their own to begin with, right from the start, but one was ok with it and one wasn't. I had lots of "if you'd just put him down" comments with my first, but it truly didn't work and I wanted to murder those people (and I had actually been the first to say that I'd never co-sleep, would always put baby down for naps, etc... little did I know that babies don't follow plans).
...also remember that everything is just a phase... co-sleeping or cuddling a sleeping baby won't last forever. Sometimes youve just gotta do what you've gotta do in order to survive/get some sleep!

Look up "the fourth trimester" for some additional information on what to expect after birth in general, too.

CrochetedOwl · 29/10/2023 08:35

Oh and buy baby grows! Don’t put tiny babies in stiff jeans or dresses with buttons all the way down the back or uncomfortable stuff like that.
Narrate to them in a sing song voice when you aren’t holding them 🙈 I did this with my 4 whether I was chopping carrots or making a coffee and they knew they hadn’t been left I may have also sworn a lot in a cheerful sing song voice when they hadn’t slept and had pooed through a sixth outfit that day 😂

Brightandbreezey · 29/10/2023 08:36

Even if you don’t plan to, read up and familiarise yourself with safe co sleeping advice.
Better to know how to do it safely then accidentally do it out of exhaustion unsafely.
Also… it’s chaos in the first few months! Go with it, trust your instincts, look after yourself as much as possible, drown out unsolicited advice and give yourself a massive pat on the back because you will be doing brilliantly even if you don’t feel like you are x

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Families General pregnancy
AgathaMiss · 29/10/2023 08:36

I've already made the decision to bottle feed, that obviously comes with criticism but so be it

It's your decision and that's fine. You could try feeding the baby colostrum first.

Also some babies will eat little often no matter which way they are fed. Don't be surprised if bottle feeding leads to many many bottles (same number of feeds as a breast fed baby), not the limited number of feeds the formula box will suggest.

theduchessofspork · 29/10/2023 08:37

Scottishgirl85 · 29/10/2023 08:11

Don't listen to anyone re feeding. I tortured myself around breastfeeding and pumped for 6 months out of guilt. 3 times over...

Bathing is simple, no need to complicate. Just buy an angel care bath seat or similar.

Never wake a sleeping baby. And put down to sleep from the very 1st day. Cuddling a sleeping baby is lovely, but you could be brewing a nightmare that could last years. It's ALL about your baby's ability to self-settle.

Top advice all round

teenysaladandsniffofarose · 29/10/2023 08:37

MagpiePi · 29/10/2023 08:28

I feel like cuddling to sleep would be very tempting so will make sure I definitely put down to sleep right from the start, thank you

Please don’t. Your baby will just feel abandoned and stressed. A small baby’s wants are needs, they are not trying to manipulate you.

I'm glad someone said it.

I cuddled my newborn son to sleep every time and he's 3 now and more than capable of sleeping by himself.

CrochetedOwl · 29/10/2023 08:38

Re bottle feeding - I bf 2 dc and bottle fed 2dc they both came with their own positives and negatives.
Ready made bottles for when you are out and about are a god send

theduchessofspork · 29/10/2023 08:38

AgathaMiss · 29/10/2023 08:36

I've already made the decision to bottle feed, that obviously comes with criticism but so be it

It's your decision and that's fine. You could try feeding the baby colostrum first.

Also some babies will eat little often no matter which way they are fed. Don't be surprised if bottle feeding leads to many many bottles (same number of feeds as a breast fed baby), not the limited number of feeds the formula box will suggest.

You sour old thing you.

TheOutlaws · 29/10/2023 08:39

Cuddle your baby all the time, especially to sleep. Get a sling and carry your baby as much as possible.

Sunshineclouds11 · 29/10/2023 08:39

Don't compare babies! I made myself ill with this.

I cuddled my baby a lot whilst they slept. I was told you can't spoil a baby with cuddles.
No issues with sleep 4 years down the line.

DisforDarkChocolate · 29/10/2023 08:40

Rest when you can.

Don't expect perfection.

Feed in a way that suits you, whatever you do someone will judge you.

Enjoy your baby.

Moredarkchocolateplease · 29/10/2023 08:41

Mine are teenagers now but I never did the skin to skin contact thing. I did try to breast feed a few days with the 1st and a few weeks with the 2nd, but that was tits out, not naked baby on chest.

They are fine. Truly well adjusted children. I never understood the skin thing at all. I also didnt hold mine until they were cleaned after the birth. All that gunk made me feel pukey!

Also regarding bottle feeding, I never found it a faff. But in those days we just made 6 bottles of hot water and left them to cool and shook in the powder when we needed it.

Oh my top tip: babies don't care if the bottle milk is room temperature or warm. So do room temp, it's loads easier!!!

smartiesneberhadtheanswer · 29/10/2023 08:41

Mumwithqs · 29/10/2023 08:33

Thanks everyone I'm taking notes.

Side note though, I'm really not looking for criticism about not breastfeeding please.

Hey Op

It wasn't criticism I promise. Breastfeeding is easier and you asked for advice. Bottles are an expensive faff. It's your choice, but lots of women are wrongly advised that breastfeeding is hard, when really it doesn't have to be.

Also yes, pls don't let a new born self soothe. Cuddling/rocking etc is much better for them

Oh - get a sling! Lifesaver

Sunshineclouds11 · 29/10/2023 08:42

Don't try and get up and out the house
Straight away; esp to groups etc.
Take your time and soak in the newborn bubble, you are going to be wrecked so enjoy being able to sit in the house and watching tv inbetween feeds and changes.

chickenpieandchips · 29/10/2023 08:44

Oh and if you have a c section, don't beat yourself up that you didn't meditate the baby out.

Poppins2016 · 29/10/2023 08:46

teenysaladandsniffofarose · 29/10/2023 08:37

I'm glad someone said it.

I cuddled my newborn son to sleep every time and he's 3 now and more than capable of sleeping by himself.

Show quote history

This is very true...

Although I read the initial post as "don't cuddle all the way through the nap" vs "don't cuddle/soothe them to sleep"... which are very different kettles of fish.

It's useful to be able to let a baby fall asleep on their own if they're happy to do so (AKA quiet and content) and/or to be able to cuddle/soothe them to sleep and then put them down. I'd never ever advocate leaving a baby that young to "cry it out" on their own, they're far too little and just need their mother (natural instincts).

Mothership4two · 29/10/2023 08:47

Baby slings or wraps can help settle young babies. And they can get spooked when it is quiet. I often got my overtired DS to sleep cuddling him next to the noisy tumble drier!

Also putting something that smells of you in their cot helps them settle/sleep.

NecklessMumster · 29/10/2023 08:48

Once you are ready to leave the house with baby, keep a bag stocked with baby stuff ready packed by the front door, it seems to take ages to get ready to get out and its one less thing to do. Have stuff for nappy changes both upstairs and downstairs.

Soubriquet · 29/10/2023 08:48

A stretchy wrap can be a lifesaver in the first few weeks. They are a faff to use to begin with, but once you work it out, it’s a doddle

Sunshineclouds11 · 29/10/2023 08:50

Also putting something that smells of you in their cot helps them settle/sleep.

Don't do this, a cot should be empty

AlwaysFoldingWashing · 29/10/2023 08:50

KeeefBurtain · 29/10/2023 08:27

If baby won’t settle either put them in the bath or take them outside. One of the 2 will work.

I second this and find it to still be true with toddlers also

SteggySawUs · 29/10/2023 08:52

Definitely agree with give them milk at room temp from the start then you never need to faff about with heating it!!!
Make up bottles of water, measure out the right amounts of powder, then add the powder to each bottle at the point of serving.
Powder isn't sterile but if you feed immediately no harm will come. The other option is to add the powder to freshly boiled water, cool and store in the fridge, but it's more faff and you have to keep them cool then bring them up to room temp.
I had a nightly routine of washing all the bottles for the next day and filling them with water, measuring out the powder and having it all lined up on the side before bed.
Also second the point about teaching then to self settle early if you can. Try not to feed to sleep but change nappy and have a little awake time after a feed (may only be minutes in the early days but those awake times grow!) Then look for sleep cues like yawning, a tired cry etc and settle for a nap. I used to dim the light, sing a lullaby, stroke their nose.
By 3 months mine could fully self settle.
One of my babies had a very strong startle reflex and would wake themselves up until I discovered swaddling.

And .. Enjoy. They are tiny for such a short time! Enjoy every tiny finger and toe and the soft top of head and cute little fists and chubby legs!!!

Mothership4two · 29/10/2023 08:53

Sunshineclouds11 · 29/10/2023 08:50

Also putting something that smells of you in their cot helps them settle/sleep.

Don't do this, a cot should be empty

As long as you tuck it in firmly so it is safe it's fine. I used to lie mine on my used tshirts and it worked

rainbowstardrops · 29/10/2023 08:54

Do whatever works for you and try to ignore people who judge you or offer 'advice' that you don't want. Good luck!

EnjoyingTheSilence · 29/10/2023 08:57

Remember whatever happens, it’s a phase and it will pass.

Everyone has an opinion on what you should do, or how you’re doing it wrong. You do what is right for you, if you’re happy, baby will be happy.

Don’t feel like you have to do everything by yourself, accept help as and when needed, feel free to ask any visitors to pop the kettle on and make you a drink, don’t feel like you have to host in those early weeks.

Enjoy those baby snuggles!